Poems and/or Drawings about Boobies, Breasts, Titties, Cleavage, Hooters, Knockers, Melons and Sweater Puppies.
181010
My vision vault is never blank
I know I’m prone to being frank
If TMI, give me a spank
But there are times when this old Yank
Has visions saved up in my bank
Of past lovers I’d like to thank
Or boobies squeezed into a tank
And when my engine’s set to crank
I give myself a blissful wank
180622
More than they possibly can
Mizztrumpet jacket
“I really don’t care do u?
Yes, I fucking do!
170623
Cry me a liver
There once was a Ruben named Billy
Who could make your outside look silly
He’d yellow your skin
Your hands, feet and chin
Right down to your boobs and/or willy
170522
Apologies to John, Paul, George and Ringo
Melania told Jizztrumpet
I hate your orange tan
Then she told Jizztrumpet
Your stupid Muslim ban
Your tiny, wrinkled gland
Don’t want to hold your hand
170206
Inspired by Peter Paul & Mary
Fuffle the Dragon will get you cancer free
So you can live a happy life and be a Sweetie Pea
Little Jeannie wore her on a silver chain
So she could do the normal stuff free from all that pain
170111
It’s time for him to go
The Jizztrumpet had a secret
And he thought he’d always keep it
To Russia he was beholden
‘Cause of showers that were golden
He will deny this tinkle tryst
While he’s on twitter getting pissed!
161121
UCLA docs > Santa Maria docs
Jean’s arm pain needed an answer
Still her doctors missed her cancer
Their opinions suck we reckoned
So Jean went and got a second
Bruin doctor shared what he’s known
No to chemo; yes to hormone
Now we have a brand new mission
To get Jean into remission
161003
Save the tatas!
October is all about boobies
To men, they’re as precious as rubies
In all the small towns and big cities
We have to take care of the titties
All hipsters and hippies and yuppies
Should protect these prized sweater puppies
From knockers and jugs to small bug bites
Make sure that you inspect your headlights
Awareness and funding’s the answer
To finding a cure for breast cancer
160919
Prepare to be boarded!
If ye want to plunder booty
Of a Jolly Roger cutie
Ask her with a salty swagger
If she’ll scabbard yer big dagger
160916
His favorite preserve is strawberry
I once had a roommate named Jerry
His interest in porn was quite scary
He really liked when
A bunch of women
Would live in a house on the prairie
160622
I now have one headlight
Into a nail I stumble
I feel a painful ripple
My moob’s a bloody jumble
I just ripped off my nipple
160516
8 lines about 4 #GoT women
Arya said she had no name
But at night she says her list
Brienne was a bit too tall
Fights men off but never kissed
Cersei was her brother’s twin
And she has him by the balls
Dany was a dragon girl
She’s unburnt but not the Khals
150515
Is a dream a lie if it don’t come true
There once was a man with a guitar
Who pressed his own kale at the juice bar
He scrubbed in his tub
Worked out at the club
And dreamed of becoming a rock star
141201
RIP Nancy #GKG
Whether you’re old or if you’re young
If you’re low key, or too high strung
If you don’t want to lose your hair
Then take this as your Cancer scare
It affects cops and math teachers
Pilots, plumbers, priests and preachers
Chicks with hooters or flat chested
Men with balls should all get tested
It doesn’t care if you’re a star
Or if you train for CPR
Even if you’re a tap dancer
We should all say FUCK YOU CANCER!
141119
His best friend is a horse
There once was a Trojan named Tommy
Those who knew him thought he was balmy
He played with a sword
Hygiene he ignored
And he lived at home with his mommy
141023
But not two nipples
Before we met, she had two
The same as most women do
Later on, she had just one
It was still a lot of fun
Now she has a pair again
With or without she’s a ten
141015
Save the sweater puppies
More precious than rubies
We must save the boobies
We looks ’cause we gottas
We must save the tatas
For Rosies and Ellens
We must save the melons
From goth to punk rockers
We must save the knockers
As seen on computers
We must save the hooters
From Yuma to Yonkers
We must save the honkers
They feel good on shoulders
We must save the boulders
Enjoyed in all cities
We must save the titties
140805
Hoochie mama is not dressing for success
Don’t wear that for your interview
I shouldn’t see that much of you
I’m trying not to be a grouch
But comfy does not mean to slouch
The kids these days just blow my mind
You’d think that jobs aren’t hard to find
There’s not a lot of work out there
So do a little to prepare
140521
I’d like to solve the puzzle
Wheel of Fortune’s Pat Sajak
Is as dull as dental plaque
He goes trolling on twitter
And he comes off as bitter
He pokes fun at climate change
And takes pix at a gun range
He puts down women and gays
His opinions cause malaise
Please don’t follow Pat Sajak
Sony should give him the sack
140405
#NippleSlipDay
Forbidden Island and What the Food?!
And Monty Python Fluxx – it’s all good
Somebody wore clothes a bit risqué
We played more games at #tabletopday
140227
Good grub great guys
It is National Chili Day
So spend it in a special way
My favorite place to go is Tom’s
They put hair on your chest and palms
They serve iced tea from a bottle
And talk comics with a model
Don’t be scared ’cause their skin is brown
Tom’s Take-out is the best in town
1018
Help save the tatas
The color of the month is pink
It’s supposed to help boobs I think
If there’s one thing that I should do
It’s help save a tata or two
0924
Do they serve anything else?
There once was a man from Miami
Who frantically cleaned with a chamois
When he was quite spent
To Denny’s he went
And ordered Moons Over My Hammy
0918
She does not dawdle
Kelly is a plus-sized porn model
Who posts smart blogs not silly twaddle
Though she started late
Her acting’s first rate
Just watch her partners shoot their waddle
0830
She’s scary stupid
I want my Sweetie Pea
To come sit next to me
And watch our AGT
We like Nick and Heidi
And Howard and Howie
But we don’t like Mel B
She has a nice booty
But as dense as a tree
0605
Happy birthday Sweetie Pea
Happy birthday to the amazing Jean
The sexiest woman I’ve ever seen
Not only pretty, she’s funny and smart
I knew she was a keeper from the start
Our weekends together should never end
I couldn’t ask for a better best friend
0523
Wander lust
Mark is this guy I know
To Europe he will go
He’s trying to raise dough
Via indiegogo
If your green you will show
You can get a photo
0517
But no barbecued iguana
Spanish language TV is hot
The women do not wear a lot
All the men are muy macho
As I watch, eating a nacho
I don’t understand what they say
But it makes for a nice workday
0405
Perhaps too silly
Writing while drunk is an art
Something something something fart
This one’s sure to be a hit
Something something something shit
Schlitz and grits and shits and tits
Makes it hard to use your wits
0328
His breath was shitty
There was a guy from New York City
He wasn’t smart, sexy, or witty
But ain’t this a bitch
He was filthy rich
And always had girls that were pretty
0214
By kitty I mean…
There once was a girl with one titty
She was smart and funny and pretty
She had a blind date
And found her next mate
She liked him, and he liked her kitty
