180305
Subpoena Sam
There is a Sam under subpoena
Who’s crazier than a hyena
He’s either a drunk
Or Roger Stone’s punk
He needs to flee to Argentina
Category: Limerick
180119
180119
Anything but plain
There once was a lass on an airplane
Who spilled so her jeans had a wine stain
Her goldfish she shared
Attention was snared
Creating the legend of plane Jane
180117
180117
Just the tip
There was a strange man from Kilkenny
Who’d suck his own dick for a penny
The kind of a guy
Who’d blast in his eye
If given a ten or a twenny
180115
180115
This little piggy went to Waterford
There was a fat man from Dungarvan
Who sharpened his knives to start carvin’
He slaughtered a beast
And cooked a huge feast
Then ate it all like he was starvin’
171115
171115
He will show why he was chosen
There is a skilled QB named Rosen
Long TDs he’s good at composin’
On Saturday night
He’s bringing the fight
The Trojans will get a bulldozin’
171111
171111
Louie, Louie you’re gonna cry
I once saw a man in Salinas
Who wouldn’t stop stroking his penis
Away I did race
He quickened his pace
And covered the distance between us
171011
171011
His BAC was doublin’
There once was a young man from Dublin
Who drank all the drinks that were bubblin’
When his blood was checked
His doctor was wrecked
That this man was breathing was troublin’
171007
171007
He had the gift of gab
There once was a priest from Killarney
Who everyone called Father Barney
He would ask a lass
To kneel down like mass
And kiss his stones like they were Blarney
171004
171004
Me-wow!
There once was a lad from Cork city
Who bought drinks for girls that were pretty
If they owned a cat
He’d go to their flat
And asked if he could pet their kitty
170930
170930
Uncanny granny
There once was a boy from Mulranny
Who always stayed home with his granny
He tripped on her skirt
Though he wasn’t hurt
He went blind when he saw her fanny
170927
170927
She’s Aoife to my Strongbow
Through Waterford I went a hiking
I saw some crystal and a Viking
A moment was seized
Jean’s ashes released
This place would have been to her liking
170626
170626
I’d like to Slytherin your Gryffindor
There once was a Potter named Harry
Who fought against foes that were scary
But his greatest dread
Performing in bed
His wand work was quite ordinary
170623
170623
Cry me a liver
There once was a Ruben named Billy
Who could make your outside look silly
He’d yellow your skin
Your hands, feet and chin
Right down to your boobs and/or willy
170529
170529
Can’t wait for Volume 3!
There once was a raccoon named Rocket
His friend Groot could fit in his pocket
He’s covered in fur
But one thing’s for sure
His tail won’t be worn by a Crockett
170508
170508
Liar, liar Jizztrumpet on fire
There once was a hero named Sally
She knew that Flynn was Russia’s pally
She gave evidence
That Flynn lied to Pence
Which might bring about Trump’s finale
170405
170405
Make America hate again
There once was a racist named Bannon
With Ku Klux he always was Klannin’
With his pointy hood
And cross made of wood
The flames of hate speech he was fannin’
170329
170329
Where’s your tilde?
There once was a traitor named Devin
Whose Trump love went well past eleven
And like a dumbbell
He shared his intel
Which broke off the seal numbered seven
170310
170310
Just like war priests at black masses
There once was a half-orc named Oloch
Who got his sword stuck in the bedrock
It wasn’t that dumb
He channeled Gorum
Which helped him defeat a dark warlock
170220
170220
She left in a cloud of farts
There once was a black dog named Raven
To greet you her tail would be wavin’
She had one good trick
But then she got sick
No longer she’ll be misbehavin’
170208
170208
Sycophant Spicer
There once was a lackey named Spicer
Who never said “no” but “aye, aye sir!”
When told to read lies
He squinted his eyes
And asked for the press to be nicer
170203
170203
Eat them up – yum!
There once was a dragon named Fuffle
Who lived in the side of a rough hill
It’s not a rumor
She’ll eat your tumor
And poo it out to make a truffle
161228
161228
“We miss you” “I know”
There once was a princess named Carrie
Whom every boy wanted to marry
In moonlight angled
Her own bra strangled
‘Cause this year is our adversary
161128
161128
The bird made a turd
There once was a tweeter on Twitter
Whose tweets were both hateful and bitter
But folks liked his tweets
More than the elites
So now we’ll end up in the shitter
161010
161007
Happy birthday Tom!
I have a big brother named Tommy
We have the same daddy and mommy
We went to The Hat
To eat food and chat
Because they have the best pastrami
160916
160916
His favorite preserve is strawberry
I once had a roommate named Jerry
His interest in porn was quite scary
He really liked when
A bunch of women
Would live in a house on the prairie
160812
160812
He tells it like it jizz
The Jizztrumpet says he’s sarcastic
The lies that he spews are bombastic
A total disgrace
When he fails this race
His fans will take actions quite drastic
160808
160808
#LightsOut
These once was a ghost named Diana
To hide in the dark was her plan-a
Exposed to the light
She started to fight
But lost and was not top banana
160801
160801
He wasn’t playing
There once was a fella named Jamie
His jokes were the kind that would slay me
The way he said “hey”
He either was gay
Or else he was trying to play me
160627
160627
Here we stand
There once was a girl named Lyanna
A fierce protector like Diana
A girl among men
She’s proven again
To the Starks, she is top banana
160606
160606
Landscape limerick
There is a posh painter named Patrick
His yarn use was not for a cat trick
He’s friendly and swell
Proficient as well
For artists, he has scored the hat trick
160525
160525
He shares memes of hatred and malice
There is an old geezer from Dallas
His home is a KKK palace
He is an old grump
Who’s voting for Trump
But secretly googles black phallus