Tag: Food

211124

211124
A yank’s thanks

I’m often asked, since I’m away
How do I spend Thanksgiving Day?
I do not have a big turkey
No stuffing, yams nor cranberry
I do not have my family here
No football games to watch and cheer
I kind of think, most displaced yanks
Just look around and give their thanks
That’s not to say I do not miss
A feast worthy of a chef’s kiss
Or seeing mom or Tom or dad
Of course those things do make me sad
But this is where my feet did roam
I’m in my new forever home
Although it’s far from you to me
I’m just right where I want to be

211110

211110
Meow? Me ow!

“Meow, meow!” Linc yells at me
He interrupts my morning tea
“Meow, meow!” He cries for lunch
I give him something he can munch
“Meow, meow!” It’s dinner time
An empty bowl my heinous crime
“Meow, meow!” It’s time for bed
This feckin’ cat is in my head
“Meow, meow!” His constant cry
He screams at me until I die…

211101

211101
It’s alive!

I was handing out candy, late last night
And I woke this morning at first light
And suddenly to my surprise
My Christmas tree began to rise
He did the smash – he did the pumpkin smash
The pumpkin smash – orange seeds in a splash
He did the smash – he threw guts in the trash
He did the smash – he did the pumpkin smash
From my back garden to my living room
He was smashing gourds for a pumpkin tomb
His allies came from the nurseries
They were hammer-wielding Christmas trees
They did the smash – they did the pumpkin smash
The pumpkin smash – orange seeds in a splash
They did the smash – they threw guts in the trash
They did the smash – they did the pumpkin smash

211025

211025
Zombie céilí

Everybody scream
Everybody yell
This is not a dream
It’s a scene from hell
Zombies are dancing at Copper Face Jacks
Not a single mask – not a single vax
Everybody dance
At the zombie rave
Crawling in a trance
From their fresh dug grave
Zombies are dining at Copper Face Jacks
They are eating fronts – they are eating backs
If you value life
Everybody run
Get yourself a knife
Get yourself a gun
Zombies are killing at Cooper Face Jacks
They’re hunting alone and roaming in packs

211020

211020
Save the boobies

Some are pink, and some are brown
Some are flat, and some are round
Some are A, and some are C
Some are even Double D
Some will bounce, and some will sway
I can look at some all day
Some are young, and some are old
Some are cute, and some are bold
Some are fake, and some are real
Some provide a baby’s meal
Some are big, and some are small
I don’t care, I like them all

211011

211011
Pumpkin pawing period

October can be hideous
When ghosts and goblins pity us
Be sure to make the pixies proud
By showing them you are endowed
With mighty gourds and giant squash
They’ll love your swagger and panache
So go and grab that orange butt
But wait to make the deepest cut

210908

210908
Merry birthday

‘Twas the night before birthday, and inside my place
Linc and Brownie are sitting in front of my face
I’m trying to watch Parks and Rec season two
But these selfish monsters are blocking my view
They don’t have a cake and not even one toy
But they want to be near a good little boy
Now Brownie, now Lincoln, if you’ll both sit still
We’ll give brand new meaning to Netflix and chill

210827

210827
Yeah!

I like Fish Heads by Art and Artie
I play that song at every party
The lyrics are dumb
I eat them up yum
They’re nutritious, healthy and hearty

210809

210809
Spam egg sausage and spam

Check your spam, check your spam
Yes, of course I sent it ma’am
We have problems sending emails
And I swear it’s not a scam
Yes, I did – I don’t kid
I will bet you twenty quid
Though it was marked as suspicious
My email was not malicious
Open it, take a chance
I assure you in advance
You must have a real careful filter program
Go on, and check your folder
Just do as I told ya
Check your spam, oui your spam, check your spam!

210707

210707
Now the real fireworks start!

For the next four months
Gird your loins and prepare for
Passels of pumpkins!

210611

210611
You put your right one in…

I’m watching a show about Loki
Some think he’s as tasty as gnocchi
They would take it out
And shake it about
In order to do Loki pokey

210609

210609
Second jab is Saturday

Listing my imagination
After second vaccination
I can take a plane to Cali
Or go hike the Great Rift Valley
I can visit my relations
Hug and touch to feel sensations
See the Dead in Sarasota
Or twine ball in Minnesota
I can go to Spain and Quito
Searching for the best burrito
I can play games at conventions
Smoke weed and explore dimensions
I can have a pint of cider
I can put my tip inside her
I might burst just like a geyser
After second jab of Pfizer

210607

210607
Walk Brownie walk

Walked with Brownie really far
Walked downtown past Ryan’s Bar
We walked past outdoor cafes
People basking in sunrays
We saw shops with fish and meat
Brownie thought he’d earned a treat
We walked past the new skate park
And small dogs that always bark
We walked past a donut shop
Brownie wouldn’t let me stop
We saw people all around
Life returning to this town
We crossed bridges here and there
I walked far with Brownie Bear

210528

210528
Don’t bogart those plums

I’ll tell you the tale of Miss Humphrey
Who gorged herself on a packed plum tree
She ran to the loo
Got stuck as she blew
Then struggled to get her big bum free

210519

210519
Birthday bear hugs

Happy birthday to Louise
You should do all that you please
Drink white wine, and eat sharp cheese
Teach the world like Socrates
Celebrate your expertise
Hope you get an ursine squeeze

210402

210402
Lent is over!

There once was a sweet baby Jesus
Who did all he could just to please us
Then nailed to two planks
We show our deep thanks
With baskets of eggs and Maltesers

210301

210301
I hope someone will say – fair play!

I get food from the take-away
And Monday week is next Monday
When driving over to Galway
I take the Dual Carriageway
Post X-mas is St. Stephen’s Day
And fourteen stones is what I weigh
The pitch is where the hurlers play
I keep on learning every day

210208

210208
It’s 8:01

There’s one thing that I really hate
It’s when something is really late
I will admit my nasty trait
Does not one bit make me look great
When not on time, I get irate
My mouth will froth, my hips gyrate
It puts me in a wretched state
So mad that I expectorate
I’ll get all tense and flatulate
And through the roof goes my heart rate
Where is my food? I cannot wait!
They said that they’d be here by eight!

210203

210203
Linc and Brownie speak ex cathedra

I sit upon my comfy seat
There is a cat between my feet
He’s sleeping now, it’s kind of sweet
Not screaming for more food to eat
And next to him is Brownie Bear
He covers me with his brown hair
I cannot move, I’m stuck – I swear
I think I need a bigger chair

210129

210129
Natural 20

D&D, red wine
And Indian take-away
I’m critting lockdown

210125

210125
Dumb dog devours desserts & does damp doo doo

I need to dream a little more
I need to snooze, I need to snore
But Brownie scratches at the door
He needs out and I know what for
That big, dumb dog – his tummy hurts
He runs outside, he squats and squirts
He kinda earned those shakes and spurts
He should not wolf down my desserts

201228

201228
I thought the day would never come

This year needs a fucking conclusion
Impeached due to Russian collusion
Then masks that cause facial contusion
We’ve all suffered from forced seclusion
We can’t have a big celebration
But one thing will bring jubilation
And comfort to every nation…
Spontaneous ejaculation!!!

201225

201225
Happy bastard’s birthday

There was a new mother named Mary
But Joseph’s son she did not carry
When asked by her guy
She made up a lie
Though pregnant she still had her cherry

201214

201214
My jingle jangled

Letting myself go
Don’t care how much I weigh
Sweets and cookie dough
Gorging all the way
Hanging out with Linc
He is not too bright
I’ll sit back and quaff my drink
I’ve had enough tonight!
Brownie smells, Brownie smells
Brownie smells all day
He’s no fun to sit beside
His farts will make you pay
Brownie smells, Brownie smells
Brownie smells all day
He’s no fun to sit beside
His farts will make you pay

201202

201202
He’s a goofball

I caught my tail, so I’m a good boy
I ate the mail, so I’m a good boy
I bark real big, so I’m a good boy
I eat like pig, so I’m a good boy
I chase the cat, so I’m a good boy
I’m getting fat, so I’m a good boy
I sleep all day, so I’m a good boy
I never stay, so I’m a good boy
I shed real bad, so I’m a good boy
I love my dad, so I’m a good boy

201125

201125
I’m thankful for this frozen pizza

I set the table – a grand display
The wine is flowing – hors d’oeuvres all day
I have never seen so many sides
Green bean casserole and sprouts besides
Candied yams, macaroni and cheese
Pass the potatoes and gravy please
Hot rolls and butter up the wazoo
I did not forget – cranberries too!
This roast turkey is driving me cray
With it’s intoxicating bouquet
Stuffing with bacon, onion and rye
A whipped cream dollop on pumpkin pie
While pondering festive foods I crave
The timer sounds on the microwave
Awakened from my autumnal trance
These fanciful treats won’t cause expanse
I won’t endure tryptophan syndrome
My Thanksgiving dream away from home

200928

200928
Offaly is awful

Midlands driving never a blast
Midlands driving gets old real fast
I drove there once, it’s not for me
So much turf, all I can see
Midland days feckin’ away to oh fuck those Midland drives
Welly, welly, welly boots
Tullamore, Tullamore
Where is Ballinagar?
Tullamore, Tullamore
Athlone or Mullingar?
I drove through there, missed the off ramp
Needed to wee, my pants got damp
I kept driving to Longford town
No luck there, no one around
Midland fun? Never begun oh fuck those Midland drives
Welly, welly, welly boots
Tullamore, Tullamore
Where can you get a bite?
Tullamore, Tullamore
Or a place for the night?
Got to Sligo, the N4 ends
Told the Midlands, we can’t be friends
There and then, I made a vow
Won’t be back, no way no how
Midland trips are all bullshit and fuck those Midland drives

200925

200925
You never forget your first

I once had a girlfriend named Sandy
My memories still makes me randy
With lovely blonde hair
And boobs out to there
She tasted sweet like cotton candy

200921

200921
The culchies can drink!

They’re open!
They’re really open!
We don’t need chips with pints
The pubs are open!
They’re open!
Thank Christ they’re open!
It’s time to have some craic
The pubs are open!
They’re open!
They’re feckin’ open!
Let’s all have one tonight
The pubs are open!

200907

200907
Dear Micheál, show prudence

Dear Micheál, can’t we go out to play?
Dear Micheál, open pubs today
The Dutch can drink, the Greeks can too
And everyone in the EU
Dear Micheál, can’t we go out to play?
Dear Micheál, open up the pubs
Dear Micheál, don’t forget nightclubs
We want to drink and shake our hips
Why do I need to order chips?
Dear Micheál, won’t you open up the pubs?
Dear Micheál, let us drink and smile
Dear Micheál, we’ve been good a while
We’d like to buy some pints to drain
We want to drink and smile again
Dear Micheál, won’t you let us drink and smile?
Dear Micheál, can’t we go out to play?
Dear Micheál, open pubs today
The Dutch can drink, the Greeks can too
And everyone in the EU
Dear Micheál, can’t we go out to play?

200828

200828
She got her man

A Mountie that lived in Regina
Mail ordered a young groom from China
She thought she’d be nice
By cooking him rice
And serving it from her vagina