210519
Birthday bear hugs
Happy birthday to Louise
You should do all that you please
Drink white wine, and eat sharp cheese
Teach the world like Socrates
Celebrate your expertise
Hope you get an ursine squeeze
Category: Ridiculous Rhymes
210517
210517
And ever, ramen!
When I’ve done something that’s rotten
But my friends have all forgotten
When I argue and won’t give in
And my friends have all forgiven
Ask if I’m wrong, they say never
I keep friends like that forever
210512
210512
That text was better than sext
I’ve been stressed out to the max
Then I got some hopeful news
I’ve been scheduled for the vax
That has brightened up my blues
210507
210507
At the Y I’ll dine
It’s almost nine
I’m out of wine
These guys are mine
I’m feeling fine
210505
210505
Sinko de Trumpo
From Facebook, Twitch and Twitter
Jizztrumpet is still banned
His absence makes me titter
Good people think it’s grand
On many social websites
His antics aren’t allowed
He now continues his fights
By yelling at a cloud
210503
210503
Bill Gates’ loss might be my gain
Melinda, I see you’re soon single
I am too if you want to mingle
I don’t have as much cash as Billy
While he’s smart, I’m simple and silly
You’ve had a nerd with piles of money
You should try one who’s broke and funny
If you want a goofball who’s humble
Swipe right on me when you’re on Bumble
210428
210428
Can’t get there from here
Four lads in a car
They go down to Cork
They don’t get too far
Turned wrong at the fork
The hotel was wrong
And these hapless men
Did not take too long
To get lost again
They thought as they drove
That they should not roam
To Cork or to Cobh
So far from their home
210426
210426
Concealed in Cork
Someone won the jackpot
Making me a crackpot
They won’t think it’s funny
That I have no money
Since I have no bounty
Better leave the county
210423
210423
My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo
There once was a man from Toledo
Who had a voracious libido
If his tinder date
Was willing to mate
He’d sink her with his pink torpedo
210421
210421
The road to anywhere
Before you end up on a gurney
Make sure you plan a jaunty journey
Look at the map, pick a direction
It does not have to meet perfection
If flawless becomes your fixation
You’ll never find your destination
The purpose of this merry mission
To have fun on your expedition
So pick a route and start your roaming
To Wexford, Wicklow or Wyoming
To go somewhere beats going nowhere
Appreciate just how you got there
210419
210419
I’m a giver
With women’s gifts, I am a master
And this tip should avoid disaster
When buying something for your steady
Don’t get them roses or a teddy
They don’t much care for cars or rockets
Just buy them dresses that have pockets
210414
210414
Blood, privilege and cold
A new Cap in red, white and blue
Without serum, he’s just like you
He’s beaten up by two black chicks
A red-head girl gets in some kicks
His pride is hurt and so’s his friend
His means will justify the end
But will he change with this one vial?
Will he be good or become vile?
His hatefulness is now revealed
He’ll end you with his fucking shield!
210409
210409
Who converted whom?
There once was a Mormon on mission
Who learned he’d a unique condition
When he would convert
He then couldn’t squirt
Unless in the doggie position
210407
210407
207 dreadful days…
The next real fun is Halloween
From now to then there’s naught between
So while my Xmas tree’s still up
I’m busting out my pumpkin cup!
210405
210405
Show me your vax pix
I see so many vax pix
Each one I see gets my clicks
I also want a vax pic
But vax roll out is not quick
I will not get the vax soon
I won’t get it before June
It might take till September
Or god forbid December
I want to get a vax pic
I do not want to get sick
210329
210329
I don’t like Mondays
Today is so Monday
It just isn’t fun day
It might make me cry day
I wish it were Friday
210324
210324
Ever Given is giving nightmares
You would be everyone’s least favorite pal
If your boat blocked up the Suez Canal
Kickstarted board games will lift my morale
Unless they’re stuck in the Suez Canal
As poems go this is dull and banal
But not as fucked as the Suez Canal
210322
210322
Sean is awkward dot com
Awkward isn’t hot
Awkward’s all I got
Awkward’s not a lot
Awkward’s my last shot
210317
210317
Crappy Paddy’s Day – the sequel
All Irish lassies and their laddies
Will be missing another Paddy’s
They’ll have to have craic another way
Éirinn go Brách ’till next Paddy’s Day
210315
210315
It’s the same old meme since twenty-nineteen
Another year goes badly
Paddy’s sadly voided
And deniers, stoked the fires
Should have been avoided
And you see, that to me
They hate my family
With no masks, and false facts, they’re denying
With our masks and our jabs
And our jabs made in labs
Wash your hands, stay inside, we are crying!
COVID sucks, COVID sucks
CO-O-VID, CO-O-VID, CO-O-VID-VID-VID
When will this end, will it end?
CO-O-VID, CO-O-VID, CO-O-VID-VID-VID-VID, oh
210310
210310
The Killin’ Irish!
I’m glad I’m not a bride
And living in Kilbride
I’d never drive my car
So near to Kilmacar
Way down in Kilmacow
I’d hate to be a cow
And in Killinaspick
I’d hate to be a cow
210308
210308
Leave your jewels in the bank and buy a revolver
Fair play to Constance Markievicz
A Polish “noble” she did hitch
A countess and a suffragette
A revolutionary threat
First woman in the parliament
She railed against establishment
A foe to Churchill and Lloyd George
A new nation she helped to forge
Keen with a rifle and her wits
In Stephen’s Green she shot the Brits
A friend to Yeats and to the poor
She showed the British to the door
210303
210303
Dating in Ireland
I wanted a ride, but she gave me a lift
I asked for a kiss, but she gave me the shift
I wanted a friend, but she said I’m her mate
She’s taking the piss, this is such a weird date
210301
210301
I hope someone will say – fair play!
I get food from the take-away
And Monday week is next Monday
When driving over to Galway
I take the Dual Carriageway
Post X-mas is St. Stephen’s Day
And fourteen stones is what I weigh
The pitch is where the hurlers play
I keep on learning every day
210222
210222
Breathe breathe in the air
When my blood begins to seethe
That is when I need to breathe
Just a deep and simple breath
Will help me to fend off death
210215
210215
Chunder the wonder jockey
A dwarf was in a Dino race
You should have seen his smiling face
They started at a mighty pace
He fell behind but soon gave chase
Though his first time, he rode with grace
Beginners luck could be the case
That dwarf he rode just like an ace
And so he finished in first place!
210210
210210
All you have to do is call
Listen please to my explaining
There are times when I’m complaining
Far too often for your caring
Just remember that I’m sharing
This with you, and for you only
‘Cause right now I’m feeling lonely
And we’ve equally confided
‘Cause our friendship’s not one-sided
You’ve been good so I should mention
Thank you for your rapt attention
That’s enough of my own sorrow
Tell me all of yours tomorrow
210208
210208
It’s 8:01
There’s one thing that I really hate
It’s when something is really late
I will admit my nasty trait
Does not one bit make me look great
When not on time, I get irate
My mouth will froth, my hips gyrate
It puts me in a wretched state
So mad that I expectorate
I’ll get all tense and flatulate
And through the roof goes my heart rate
Where is my food? I cannot wait!
They said that they’d be here by eight!
210203
210203
Linc and Brownie speak ex cathedra
I sit upon my comfy seat
There is a cat between my feet
He’s sleeping now, it’s kind of sweet
Not screaming for more food to eat
And next to him is Brownie Bear
He covers me with his brown hair
I cannot move, I’m stuck – I swear
I think I need a bigger chair
210201
210201
None shall pass!
On the stairs, Linc sits and waits
To attack the things he hates
Sometimes it’s poor Brownie Bear
With each pass, he loses hair
Sometimes laces on my shoes
Feel the wrath of Linc’s abuse
Wiggled fingers near the rail
Move them quick, or he’ll impale
Ninja killer on the steps
He’ll shred up your quadriceps
If I go, he’ll cut me dead
I don’t need to go to bed…
210127
210127
On the 33rd day of Xmas…
My Christmas tree still lights the room
I only see friends my friends on zoom
Until my friends can visit me
I’m leaving up the fucking tree!