210915
Doomscrolling for the loss
Go to bed and scroll
Scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll
Scroll scroll scroll and sleep
Author: tkpope
210913
210913
Curable curse
The Mayo lads have lost again
Some say it is a curse
The crime committed by those men?
Not stopping for a hearse
In ’51 the jinx was cast
And only one remains
The rest are gone, he is the last
To rid Mayo of pains
But Dr. Mick is not to blame
For chances that were missed
Next year they’ll need to work on aim
And then Sam will be kissed
210910
210910
Straight from the horse’s ass
There once was a man from Tacoma
Who unleashed a deadly aroma
He took the horse pill
Which made his butt ill
And put the whole town in a coma
210908
210908
Merry birthday
‘Twas the night before birthday, and inside my place
Linc and Brownie are sitting in front of my face
I’m trying to watch Parks and Rec season two
But these selfish monsters are blocking my view
They don’t have a cake and not even one toy
But they want to be near a good little boy
Now Brownie, now Lincoln, if you’ll both sit still
We’ll give brand new meaning to Netflix and chill
210906
210906
Wish you were here
It’s time to celebrate your birth
A trip around the sun from Earth
It’s time for posts from friends and kin
And getting drunk with bathtub gin
I hope you get to raise some hell
And barring that, I hope it’s swell
So lift your glass and give a cheer
You’ve made it through another year!
210903
210903
Mayo for Sam!
The folks in Mayo have the reek
Some people climb it every week
They pray to god and kill a lamb
“This year we want Mayo for Sam!
Mayo for Sam, Mayo for Sam
Let’s beat Tyrone – Mayo for Sam!”
Sligo and Leitrim both were beat
The tribesmen soon met their defeat
They told those Dublin lads to scram
“This year we want Mayo for Sam!
Mayo for Sam, Mayo for Sam
Let’s beat Tyrone – Mayo for Sam!”
In Westport there is red and green
The likes of which are rarely seen
Though Galway might not give a damn
“This year we want Mayo for Sam!
Mayo for Sam, Mayo for Sam
Let’s beat Tyrone – Mayo for Sam!”
It’s been a long time since they’ve won
The last time – 1951
They’ll prove the curse was just a sham
“This year we want Mayo for Sam!
Mayo for Sam, Mayo for Sam
Let’s beat Tyrone – Mayo for Sam!”
210901
210901
Long, straight, curly, fuzzy
It’s here, it’s there, I do declare
Around the house, there’s so much hair!
I sweep it up from nine to five
But I can’t stop, that hair’s alive!
It falls off Linc and Brownie Bear
It’s on the ground, it’s in the air
It’s black and brown and coarse and fine
I cannot lie, some hair is mine
It’s on the rug and every stair
It’s on the couch and every chair
It’s on my shirt, it’s on my hat
I have enough to make a cat
It’s on my face and derrière
This feckin’ hair is everywhere!
210830
210830
Peanut butter fish
Jellyfish jellyfish
Laying on the sand
Jellyfish jellyfish
Please don’t sting my hand
Jellyfish jellyfish
Dying in this heat
Jellyfish jellyfish
Please don’t sting my feet
Jellyfish jellyfish
Sitting on the rock
Jellyfish jellyfish
Please don’t sting my cock
210827
210827
Yeah!
I like Fish Heads by Art and Artie
I play that song at every party
The lyrics are dumb
I eat them up yum
They’re nutritious, healthy and hearty
210825
210825
Not fade away
His hands and feet
Would keep the best
The brilliant Charlie Watts
The stones we toss
Now gather moss
Forever in our thoughts
210823
210820
210820
Happy Birthday Linc!
I have a cat, his name is Linc
His fur is soft and black as ink
His claws are sharp, his butthole pink
Around the house he likes to slink
Then disappears before I blink
He thinks that Brownie is a fink
He likes to make his boxes stink
His antics push me to the brink
So, twice a month I see a shrink
That little shit drives me to drink
210818
210818
Bad poetry day
To some folks, my poems are shitty
They’re rude, vile and stupid – not witty
They say that my drawings ain’t pretty
More worthy of scorn, not your pity
It’s fine that some find it offensive
I used to get moody and pensive
Then lash out because I’m defensive
My therapy bills were expensive
But now when my poems are hated
I won’t feel so low and deflated
The reason I’m now liberated?
Bad poetry is celebrated!
210816
210816
Please, no wagering
Is life a competition
Or just an exhibition?
I don’t need your permission
To write this composition
Expose my exposition?
Oppose your opposition!
These lines are an admission
I’m not a word magician
I have no inhibition
With thought to page transmission
My rhyming repetition
And drawing demolition
Might nurture nerve nutrition
And intellect ignition
To wrap up this submission
My prose and picture mission
Will come to its fruition
With global recognition
A well-to-do patrician
And songs by a musician
210813
210813
Don’t tell them it’s Friday the 13th
Today’s all about reinstatement
Q’s furor is an understatement
Though seven months late
It’s well worth the wait
To celebrate their overweight gent
210811
210811
Why not…?
What if Marvel made a series
Based on fans’ obsessive queries?
They could tell the same old fables
But some change would turn the tables
The Hulk is tame and not a brute
A talking raccoon says, “I’m Groot!”
And Iron Man’s not built by Stark
Instead he makes a copper shark!
Nick Fury’s still a super spy
His patch is on his other eye!
And baldy Watcher shows the diff
You know they’d call that show What If…?
210809
210809
Spam egg sausage and spam
Check your spam, check your spam
Yes, of course I sent it ma’am
We have problems sending emails
And I swear it’s not a scam
Yes, I did – I don’t kid
I will bet you twenty quid
Though it was marked as suspicious
My email was not malicious
Open it, take a chance
I assure you in advance
You must have a real careful filter program
Go on, and check your folder
Just do as I told ya
Check your spam, oui your spam, check your spam!
210806
210806
I will have you – yes, I will have you
I love sipping on iced chai lattes
The perfect drink on those real hot days
It’s cool and it’s sweet
An afternoon treat
If I could I’d guzzle them always
210804
210802
210802
And whatever else comes out of mammals
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Brownie’s main love
Is smelling poo
210730
210730
Now that’s a hen party!
The ladies all love charming Bingo
And also his Pegasus Wingo
They give blushing brides
Wild pre-wedding rides
Together they lustfully sing-o
210728
210728
Sweetie Pea eternally
How should I prepare
For grief that’s always there?
It never goes away
And surfaces each day
Loneliness and sorrow
Escalates tomorrow
I’m sure I’ll shed a tear
She’s gone another year
210726
210726
The days between
Five days of reflection
With intense affection
For my one and only
While I’m feeling lonely
Sunday was the first date
Thursday is the worst date
Sunday I romance her
Thursday – fucking cancer
Even though it’s four years
This week still brings more tears
Will it dwindle? Never
Sweetie Pea forever!
210723
210721
210721
There ain’t no cure for the summertime blues
Therapy day – therapy day
I always feel better on therapy day
My cheeks are much wetter on therapy day
Therapy day – therapy day
I talk about issues on therapy day
I fly through the tissues on therapy day
Therapy day – therapy day
I wallow in sadness on therapy day
I tamp down the madness on therapy day
Therapy day – therapy day
I don’t talk about you on therapy day
I just talk about you on therapy day
Therapy day – therapy day
I weird laugh and gross cry on therapy day
I can’t wait to have my next therapy day
Therapy day – therapy day
210719
210719
Animate Objects FTW!
We were in a dungeon
At least six levels deep
I cast Animate Objects
I was a rock lobber!
Rock lobber – rock lobber
We were on a new plane
Everybody had leveled up
Somebody then opened a lock
And there they saw a vrock
It wasn’t a roc
I was a rock lobber
Rock lobber – rock lobber
Dwarf is a cleric, bard is halfling
Everybody’s clashin’ – everybody’s bashin’
Flyin’ over lava – gettin’ stunned
Blastin’ demons, blastin’ till it’s done
He was a big pest – we need a short rest
Pass the healing potion
Here comes a giant boar
There goes a manticore
In walked a blink dog
There goes a death dog
Chased by a werecat
In flew a sea hag
Watch out for that beholder
There goes a dragon
Here comes a demogorgon!
210716
210716
She took all the juice from the humpback
There once was a surfer named Lulu
Who rode big waves in Honolulu
She also rode Ken
Who hung more than ten
His longboard would make her go cuckoo
210714
210714
Walk the walk
We are walking to show we care
We are walking ’cause they’re not there
We are walking for survivors
We are walking for your fivers
We are walking to find a cure
We are walking all night for sure
We are walking for Jean my wife
We are walking – Relay for Life
210712
210712
#ItsGoingRome
England suffers from football fate
They forgot to close the Southgate
Rashford, Sancho and young Saka
At penalties, they were caca
But here across the Irish Sea
No tears were shed for those missed three
We celebrate – #ItsGoingRome
Meanwhile our team never left home
210709
210709
A short burst of inconsequential information
There is a web app known as Twitter
That most people read on the shitter
Unless you’re spray tanned
And forever banned
Then you sue them ’cause you are bitter
210707
210707
Now the real fireworks start!
For the next four months
Gird your loins and prepare for
Passels of pumpkins!