Category: Ridiculous Rhymes

180124

180124
Grassy ass

Fluffy kitty in the grass
Please let me and Brownie pass
We are going for a walk
You don’t have to be a cock
Fluffy kitty in the grass
Stands his ground ‘cause he’s an ass
Brownie wants to make him pay
But we walk the other way

180122

180122
Hello darkness my old friend

Every cloud has rain in it
Every tear has pain in it
Every cough has germs in it
Every corpse has worms in it
Every lie has true in it
Every truth has screw in it
Every gasp has breath in it
Every life has death in it

180112

180112
Good bye big man

Jerry called me up to say
That his father passed away
And they buried him today
You may lose your lovely wife
Or a foe who caused you strife
There is one thing sure in life
Our time here will always end
Here’s advice I recommend
Make sure that you call your friend
Let them know just how you feel
Tell the truth and keep it real
Ere the stopping of life’s wheel

180108

180108
2018 – the year of the block

Blocking isn’t taken lightly
I don’t scroll and do it nightly
Post your nonsense, cause a clamor
You’ll get hit with my banhammer

180105

180105
100% capacity

Her imperfections were perfect
My heart had every love box checked
I won’t forget my Sweetie Pea
I know she’ll always be with me

180103

180103
Things a Jizztrumpet would tweet

“My grabbing of pussies is great”
“I’m best when I’m tweeting out hate”
“My button is bigger than yours”
“I’m gonna cause nuclear wars”

180101

180101
Not a bad start

It’s the first day of the year
Linc and Brownie are both near
Even though I’m feeling blue
They help change my point of view

171227

171227
So over 2017

Can’t wait for this year to end
So hard losing my best friend
Jizztrumpet is a big child
Neo-Nazis running wild
Orders for a Muslim ban
Stimulates the Ku Klux Klan
All women hashtag #MeToo
Roy Moore’s lawyer is a Jew
Rich folks got a big tax break
Bigots won’t bake wedding cake
Star Wars fans hate number VIII
Next year best be fucking great

171220

171220
All for me!

When I’m longing for Jean’s presence
I go shopping and buy presents
Just for me and not for sharing
I am great at my self caring

171213

171213
Turn it Up!

Young girls kept him turned on
Cherry chapstick sure made him grin
Banned from malls across the south-land
Dating children’s bad once again and I think it’s a win
Well, I heard Mister Moore talk about her
Well, I heard ole Roy put her down
Well, I hope Roy Moore will remember
A southern man don’t need him around anyhow
Sweet home Alabama
Where the state is turning blue
Sweet home Alabama
Jones is coming home to you!

171209

171209
Well, not everything

I no longer can do yardwork
Weeding – Sweeping – that is hard work!
My whole body isn’t nifty
Things are harder when you’re fifty

171206

171206
Or maybe the next day

Hard to be festive and merry
When the world is fucking scary
Though there’s pain and utter sorrow
I will be cheery tomorrow

171129

171129
We are America’s HR Dept!!!

In big business you get fired
In Hollywood you get fired
In media you get fired
In publishing you get fired
At CBS you get fired
At House of Cards you get fired
At MPR you get fired
At NBC you get fired
No matter what has transpired
In Politics you get hired

171125

171125
It’s not on his side

He’s always on the nightly news
His every tweet gives us the blues
One place Jizztrumpet won’t be seen
The cover of Time Magazine

171122

171122
Thank you Jelly Moo <3

The thing I’m thankful for this fall
Is getting to know Jean at all
I’m grateful that we got to meet
Together we were both complete
We pledged our love for our lifespan
And she made me a better man
My Sweetie Pea and my best friend
My love for Jean will never end

171108

171108
And by cat, I mean…

I don’t think your ass is fat
I would wear it as a hat
It’s not big, nor is it flat
But I much prefer your cat

171104

171104
We are family

White House is a huge disgrace
Jizztrumpet is in our face
Hollywood is showing warts
Nothing good in world of sports
Ragnarok is doing well
Breast cancer can go to hell
But I do not give a damn
I’m just hanging with the fam

171025

171025
Or GenCon or Origins or…

As a game geek, I’m not messin’
Really wish I was in Essen
Charterstone is on the hot list
Gaia Project cannot be missed
Scottish Clans are making whisky
Tony Boydell has some Nice Tea
Transatlantic, Keyper, Merlin
Now my mind cannot stop whirlin’
Altiplano, Codenames: Duet
All my gaming needs would be met
Though my love for games won’t lessen
Really wish I was in Essen

171018

171018
You’re my boo

Halloween is drawing near
Soon will be the time for fear
Through the thrift stores I do tear
Gotta find something to wear!

171014

171014
Focus harder

I want to think about the good
But all I think about is bad
I want to think about the good
But all I think about is sad
I want to focus on good times
Instead of thinking of the end
I want to focus on good times
Instead of losing my best friend

170923

170923
I’m leaving on a jet plane

Flying in an aeroplane
Can lead to tremendous pain
Way up in the friendly skies
Your ears start to pressurize
When the plane starts to descend
Chewing gum is your best friend
If your eardrums fail to pop
Try to suck on a cough drop
If that doesn’t do the trick
Blow your nose as if you’re sick
Thus endeth my travel tip
Write these down for your next trip

170920

170920
The emojis of grief

Without Jean, the house is silent
Makes my thoughts turn dark and violent
Without Jean, my heart is hollow
Makes me want to mope and wallow
Without Jean, I feel erratic
Makes me seem overdramatic
Thanks to Jean, I will hang in there
And wake from this daily nightmare

170916

170916
Is a dream a lie if it don’t come true?

I dreamed of Jean again last night
Her beaming smile so big and bright
Her pretty face, her curly hair
Those eyes that loved without a care
It was as if she was still here
Then I awoke and shed a tear
This happens every single day
I hope it never goes away

170913

170913
Another thing to make me sad

Last weekend tons of fun was had
The train and friends sure made me glad
But one thing happened that was bad
I left behind my black iPad

170909

170909
HB2U

Hope your day is swell and happy
Better not be hell and crappy
If it’s more than you can handle
Burn an asshole with a candle

170826

170826
I know you said you’d wait for me
I hope you’re right my Sweetie Pea

The hardest thing I’ll ever do
Is say goodbye to Jelly Moo
My Sweetie Pea is here no more
She will not walk through our front door
She will not cook us awesome food
Or show kindness and gratitude
She will not laugh at silly jokes
Or suffer all those needle pokes

Without our Jean, the world is dark
Her happy smile won’t make a spark
The loss of Jean has caused a hole
There’s one less aunt for young Nicole
Her siblings knew they could count on
The young Jeannie who is now gone
Let’s not forget her awesome friends
As ratings go, she gave them tens

Although she’s gone, she is still here
Our memories won’t disappear
As we recall that pretty face
And how she changed every workplace
She read a lot and knew so much
Our lives transformed with by her sweet touch
There is no way we could forget
The best person we’ve ever met