Poems and/or Drawings about Computers, Mobile Phones, Technology, Websites, Memes and the Internetz.
210324
Ever Given is giving nightmares
You would be everyone’s least favorite pal
If your boat blocked up the Suez Canal
Kickstarted board games will lift my morale
Unless they’re stuck in the Suez Canal
As poems go this is dull and banal
But not as fucked as the Suez Canal
210322
Sean is awkward dot com
Awkward isn’t hot
Awkward’s all I got
Awkward’s not a lot
Awkward’s my last shot
210312
Still at level five
There once was a woman named Bronagh
Who wanted to visit Verona
But thanks to lockdown
She can’t leave her town
All thanks to the virus Corona
210222
Breathe breathe in the air
When my blood begins to seethe
That is when I need to breathe
Just a deep and simple breath
Will help me to fend off death
210210
All you have to do is call
Listen please to my explaining
There are times when I’m complaining
Far too often for your caring
Just remember that I’m sharing
This with you, and for you only
‘Cause right now I’m feeling lonely
And we’ve equally confided
‘Cause our friendship’s not one-sided
You’ve been good so I should mention
Thank you for your rapt attention
That’s enough of my own sorrow
Tell me all of yours tomorrow
210127
On the 33rd day of Xmas…
My Christmas tree still lights the room
I only see friends my friends on zoom
Until my friends can visit me
I’m leaving up the fucking tree!
210101
She’s great with a prick
There once was a woman named Maxine
A pusher of dope in the smack scene
She was really fab
At giving a jab
So now she administers vaccine
201207
All the twos – quack quack
Monday night bingo
The bane of my existence
Gets my through lockdown
201012
All I want to do…
Don’t ever presume
You’ve muted your zoom
That boisterous boom
That’s filling your room
With foul-smelling fume
Could be career doom
201007
Please baby please baby please baby baby baby please
Every night, can’t stop doomscrolling
Covid-19, right-wing trolling
Sanity is slowly slidin’
Need a win from ol’ Joe Biden
200916
Bet they smell it in New Delhi
Watching Netflix on the telly
Linc is kneading on my belly
Brownie’s farts are awful smelly
Does my lifestyle make you jelly?
200817
Proximity paralysis
I can call you on the phone
But I still feel all alone
We could maybe even zoom
But you’re not here in this room
We could have a meal to share
But you’re not here ’cause you’re there
But the thing I really fear
Is if you were really here
200805
He has a pointless point of view
There’s no place in the world for this angry old man
With his thousands of lies and his dumb TikTok ban
He abuses his post, this abuse his downfall
His legacy’s broke like that Mexico wall
And he’s proud as a peacock ’cause he’s a mob boss
And he struggles with facts his soul is a loss
And we’d liked to be rid of this angry old man
200722
The last shall be first and the first last
Twelve years ago this week
I had the best first date
It wasn’t that unique
But man it turned out great
I don’t expect to meet
A clone of my soulmate
But it would sure be sweet
To have my last first date
200717
Shredded cheese fajita wife
There once was a Karen named Alice
Who ordered fajitas in Dallas
She just wanted cheese
She even said please
She’s been made a meme ’cause we’re callous
200612
JK = Jaded Karen
There once was a TERF known as Rowling
Her comments got her queer fans growling
Her books once brought cheer
But now it’s quite clear
They’re suitable to scoop dog fouling
200506
In case you were wondering
With no landline in a lockdown
And all your friends are way downtown
With just your pets you live alone
You really shouldn’t wash your phone
200427
Bitcoin works too
While the world has gone to hell
Do you have a thing to sell?
I will work from dawn to night
Making you a new website
I will finish in a flash
If you send me bags of cash!
200422
No time to defecate
Tonight I’m working late
But I am not irate
When people think I’m great
It puts food on my plate
200325
Thanks yucata.de!
It’s weekly game night
But we can’t play face-to-face
So we play online
200323
#TeamPope
I’m used to this as I live alone
I rarely shower or wear cologne
The dog don’t mind and neither the cat
They don’t complain or say that I’m fat
They don’t gossip or make me feel sad
The best teammates that I ever had
200309
Tinder tips
Today I was contemplating
If I should share tips for dating
Do not buy whiskey for Clodagh
She only drinks diet soda
You should not argue with Áine
She’ll throw you down and sit on ya
Don’t lend your money to Bronagh
She will not pay back one Krona
Be careful if you bang Fiadh
She gave a “friend” gonorrhea
Hope this did not make you sleepy
Why does it hurt when I peepee?
200214
V for the D
Some cringe when they see VD Day
Cause VD’s a pain in the A
To them VD’s an STD
That feels like burning when they pee
And if you still abbreviate
Some Facebook friends will postulate
That you just want the world to see
You have a V for your wee D
200127
#DollyPartonChallenge
Did a challenge made by Dolly
Showing I am fun and jolly
The first photo was for LinkedIn
It’s the one I look most pink in
Silly side for good old Facebook
Instagram – my hot and cool look
Hoping that the one for Tinder
Leaves you smoking like a cinder
My best self in four dimensions
Seeking all of your attentions
Hope you don’t feel you’ve been cheated
But this challenge is completed
200108
Made you look
I make a thing that no one sees
It can’t be touched nor can you squeeze
I make this thing three times a week
I know you know of what I speak
This thing is made out of my brain
If I don’t rhyme, I’ll go insane
This thing I make I hope you care
And if you do, I hope you share
191030
Scariest TV family
They sling a lot of mucky
They’re awful and they’re sucky
They’re altogether yucky
Jizztrumpet family
Dad’s skin could use some bleaching
His kids are good at leaching
I’m hoping for impeaching
Jizztrumpet family
Tweet
Tweet
Retweet
Pelosi is a calling
The house of cards is falling
I hope to see them bawling
Jizztrumpet family
191025
Apologies to Coolio
As I walk through the packed aisles and I look to my right
I see a game that I want and I devise to squeeze in tight
‘Coz I’ve been planning and reading so long, that
I got to buy this game before it is gone
You see Rahdo told me that this one is phenomenal
Because negative interaction is nominal
Then my wallet does the talkin’, and I start walkin’
Until Boydell’s new game is blockin’
I really love his games, so I buy it, dude
He better sign the box or that would be quite rude, fool
I’m the board game geek that goes around with a Pope hat
So all the folks in the math trade hall know where I’m at
Though I’ve only been there twice
Essen is a gamer’s paradise
Tokens, cards, minis and dice
Essen is a gamer’s paradise
Kickstarter’s my only vice
Essen is a gamer’s paradise
Buying games at twice the price
Essen is a gamer’s paradise
190927
Typical Friday
Stomach rumbles, need to hurry
Gonna go and eat a curry
Swallow it and now I’m groovy
Time for wine and Netflix movie
190909
So blow out the candles and have a piece of cake!
It’s my day of birth, but I ain’t new
Like a deck of cards I’m 52
To my Sweetie Pea I’m Sugar Pooh
I did not move here to eat lamb stew
Count ABC’s twice to get my age
I’m like a tiger trapped in a cage
But maybe this year I’ll turn the page
They say 50 plus is such a rage
Took 52 years to get this far
I walk everywhere ’cause I’ve no car
And my birthday wish is so bizarre
But I want to be a viral star
With my rocking rhymes that have such flair
Plus drawings of Linc and Brownie Bear
Since we’re Facebook friends, I know you care
So please do your part and click on “share”
190823
Ten steps back
I need to finish soon
I’ve had this job since June
Just one more week to go
Until I get that dough
The fat lady could sing
Except for one small thing
I need to start anew
And that is why I’m blue
