Tag: Tech

161128

161128
The bird made a turd

There once was a tweeter on Twitter
Whose tweets were both hateful and bitter
But folks liked his tweets
More than the elites
So now we’ll end up in the shitter

160928

160928
www.staytuned.com

I’m working on a secret site
I’m building it with all my might
I’m confident that when it’s done
You’ll think it is a lot of fun

160916

160916
His favorite preserve is strawberry

I once had a roommate named Jerry
His interest in porn was quite scary
He really liked when
A bunch of women
Would live in a house on the prairie

I think I’m done, ’cause no one cares
This poem won’t get any shares
I rarely get likes, laughs or hearts
Unless it’s about shits and farts
I don’t know what I have to do
To get an interact from you
If we don’t change this dismal trend
This Facebook page will see its end

160805

160805
Olympic torch the whole city

Today it starts – the games of Rio
The athletes say it smells like pee-oh
It isn’t safe, the pipes are leaky
The hackers are steadfast and sneaky
If that’s not all, you might get zika
If you get cozy with that chica
The food might give you salmonella
Powerful gangs run the favela
Children and drugs are what they peddle
All this to win a shiny medal

160720

160720
@Lesdoggg
‪#‎LoveForLeslieJ‬

I have love for Leslie Jones
She was made from funny bones
Fuck the haters and their hate
Leslie Jones is fucking great

160713

160713
Pokemon d’oh!

I will not play Pokemon Go
I never watched that stupid show
I don’t need games to walk outside
Into brick wall I won’t collide
It’s free to play? I’ll get the app
No doubt it sucks, I’m sure it’s crap
I caught Squirtle, he’s pretty cute
I want some more, so off I scoot
Around the corner comes a truck
I level up, and “HOLY —”

160222

160222
Planning exit strategy

I just got back, unpacked my bag
Got me a case of the jet lag
I haven’t been home for one day
Already know I will not stay
I miss the craic, I miss the fun
I miss the food and everyone
I want to go to pubs at night
So I make plans for the next flight

160122

160122
I = 1
Love = 4
You = 3

I give my Sweetie Pea
A big ol’ 143
That stands for “I love you”
Cause I’m her Sugar Pooh

151120

151120
I love my own misfortune

My Facebook friends fill me with rage
And yet I still scroll down the page
I suffer from self misery
Like Schadenfreude just for me

151116

151116
Don’t feed the trolls

I won’t agree to disagree
When you’re as thick as a beech tree
And beech trees have the hardest wood
So being thick is not too good
And don’t use “to” when you mean “too”
A fourth grader knows more than you
If arguing is your sole goal
Get out of here you fucking troll!

151012

151012
Wearable technology

The bloke in a box
Can turn back the clocks
And fly to the end of the universe
He’s called the Doctor
Through time he does soar
To Cybermen and Daleks he’s a curse

150904

150904
#2 favorite republican

There’s no more paper on the roll
But I still have to clean my hole
I can’t find any ‘neath the sink
The stench in here it’s hard to think
I see a rag we never use
The stain it leaves looks like Ted Cruz
Vanilla Glade I freely spray
I think I’ll sell it on eBay

150724

150724
Here’s to 7×7 more!

Seven years ago we met
It’s a night I won’t forget
Whoda thunk that a blind date
Would turn out to be so great?
Funny, smart and you’re the bomb
Thanks crazyblinddate.com

150717

150717
Please take the bribe

If you share with a friend or two
I will write a poem for you
If you share and a friend clicks like
I will draw you dropping the mic

150715

150715
Pluto blocked NASA on Facebook

NASA we have some questions dammit!
Is or isn’t Pluto a planet?
The space probe flyby makes me wonder
If New Horizons is a blunder
Since Pluto has dwarf planet status
Why send this costly apparatus?
Only a downright dirty puto
Would try to catfish poor ol’ Pluto

150410

150410
Killing kable

Monopolies suck
Clearing out the DVR
Time to cut the cord

150327

150327
An excerpt from my upcoming musical Oklahomeless

SEAN
I did it
I really did it
I had a thing to do, and then I did it
CHORUS
He did it
He barely did it
At first it didn’t work, but then he did it
JEAN
Sean did it
Sean finally did it
He barely slept at all, but then he did it
CHORUS
He did it
He fucking did it
It took about a month, but then he did it

150325

150325
Please share and like

I don’t care
If you share
That’s a psych
Share and like

150313

150313
SQL can suck it!

Dead end, dead end, dead end, dead end
No matter how much time I spend
I just can’t find a way to mend
This broken web site for a friend
I think I’ve gone around the bend
Dead end, dead end, dead end, dead end

140409

140409
Please share #StickPersonPoetry

I think I’m hilarious
Because of the various
Things that I post
I might be delusional
I know I’m unusual
This is no boast
I really would like to get
Some fame on the internet
From coast to coast
It would mean a lot to me
To share my dumb poetry
You’d be the most!

0920

0920
As long as you wanted black

Today I bought the new iPhone
But I am not an Apple drone
Using my old phone made me moan
Caused more pain than a kidney stone
Into a trash can it was thrown
I had to get a payday loan
So I could buy my very own
‘Cause I’m broke and my credit blown
These are not things I would condone
But I live in the Danger Zone