Tag: Signs

190320

190320
Sharkey malarkey

There once was a fella named Fearghal
Who liked to go downtown to burgle
He once came across
Some white, lukewarm sauce
A mouthful he did swish and gurgle

This is the legend of Eoghan
Others are comin’ and goin’
He has a side he ain’t showin’
Vast is the knowledge he’s knowin’
Dark is the shade he is throwin’
Loud is the horn he is blowin’
He doesn’t do his own crowin’
His tale is growin’ and growin’

190204

190204
There’s always next year

Sportsball isn’t fun
The Patriots won
New England is glad
The rest of us sad
Old England won too
The green boys are blue
The cats got a loss
Jizztrumpet’s still boss
This world is all wrong
Let’s toke on this bong

190130

190130
Ignoble warming

When it gets to -1
Go outside for icy fun
When it gets to -2
Ears and nose start turning blue
When it gets to -3
Snot freezes on my goatee
When it gets to -4
Milk and bread brawls at the store
When it gets to -5
That’s when snowmen come alive
When it gets to -6
Beat them back with burning sticks
-7, -8
Cold War isn’t going great
When it gets to -9
Frosty’s friends are looking fine
When it gets to -10
Build snow women for snowmen
Only way to win this war
Go inside and shut the door

190118

190118
Katelyn Ohashi is perfect

A Bruin is good in gymnastics
Her flips suggest she’s made of plastics
Her work on the floor
Earned a perfect score
The Twitterverse tweeted – “fantastics!”

190109

190109
Stick Person Poetry: Bandersnatch

Limerick……….Haiku

……….The toves were slithy
……….The borogoves were mimsy
……….And mome raths outgrabe

Both Dee and Dum Tweedle were rotund
The frumious Bandersnatch was shunned
With a swift attack
A snicker and snack
The slain Jabberwock left them quite stunned

190107

190107
Goin’ to Mayo

I’m on my way to wild Mayo
Where only silly people go
You cannot get there on a train
So getting there can be a pain
You cannot drive there in a car
I tried it once, but it’s too far
You cannot get there on a bike
That isn’t true, but it’s a hike
You cannot get there in a boat
Such choppy waves, it’s hard to float
The only place on this great sphere
You cannot go to there from here

181221

181221
He went down on history

A crimson-nosed reindeer named Rudy
A loner, both sullen and moody
When he was depressed
What made him feel best
Was dressing like Cher, Madge and Judy

181031

181031
Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch Me

While I’m handing out the candy
Rocky Horror makes me randy
Sweets and treats for all the kiddies
As I stare at Janet’s titties

180914

180914
Come fly her friendly skies

There once was a lass at the airport
The pages were full in her passport
She earned every stamp
The mile high club tramp
An entrepreneurial escort

180820

180820
I might need to get one

From Castleknock to Castlebar
Mullinavat to Mullingar
You can’t get there without a car
From County Cork to County Clare
Killarney, Kilcoole and Kildare
Without a car you can’t get there

180314

180314
I chose warmly

Found a gift card in my pocket
Added shopping to my docket
Wanted to buy some more LEGOs
But instead I got some warm clothes

180223

180223
And young lesbian love

I finished binge watching “Everything Sucks”
It was so 90’s, it had “Mighty Ducks”
My favorite part was watching Luke’s mom
Dating a white nerd she thought was the bomb

180214

180214
She cho-cho-chose me!

Friday night – a twist of fate
We met on a crazy date
She gave me a better life
I asked her to be my wife
I am hers, and she is mine
My forever valentine
Nine short years went by too fast
Our true love was meant to last
My lover and my best friend
Cancer got her in the end
I am hers, and she is mine
My forever valentine
I miss her all night and day
Feeling pain in every way
Sweetie Pea will always be
In my heart eternally
I am hers, and she is mine
My forever valentine

180129

180129
I was swallowing my pain

My assests are my wit and charm
But sometimes I cause my friends harm
So if I’ve brought you grief or pain
I’ll try not to do that again

171129

171129
We are America’s HR Dept!!!

In big business you get fired
In Hollywood you get fired
In media you get fired
In publishing you get fired
At CBS you get fired
At House of Cards you get fired
At MPR you get fired
At NBC you get fired
No matter what has transpired
In Politics you get hired

170712

170712
He has no valves to press

Jizztrumpet junior is not smart
His treachery is off the chart
It’s funny that it’s his email
That shows the USA for sale

170703

170703
Happy fucking Fourth of July

On this sad 4th of July
The Jizztrumpet makes me cry
He shows allies no respect
World wide image is now wrecked
Presidential he is not
Melting down our melting pot
Every tweet’s a dis or brag
It’s like shitting on the flag
Though we beg, urge and beseech
GOP will not impeach
While you eat your barbecue
The POTUS is fucking you

170630

170630
Scat school

Darker pee and lighter poo
Means that something’s wrong with you
Darker poo and lighter pee
Indicate that you’re healthy

170526

170526
Sad!

Jizztrumpet says Germans are bad
One of the worst was his own dad
This has to make most teutons mad
But does make him Putin’s comrade

170331

170331
Go! Go Ed!! Go!!!

Edgar’s got a bike to ride
From the bay to the Westside
Powered by his strength and smiles
He will ride 500 miles
Climbing up and down the grades
All to bring an end to AIDS

170315

170315
I’m a leprechaun artist

St. Paddy’s day – you can’t escape
Just two more days to get in shape
You’ll eat and drink till you’re a sphere
But please don’t drink green, fucking beer

170130

170130
I must insist that you #RESIST

When he institutes a ban
We must do all that we can
To #RESIST his evil ways
From right now till end of days

170123

170123
0 days without a lie

A lie is a lie is a lie
And this one is too big to buy
Don’t tell me I need to relax
Stop calling it alternate facts
Newspeak is always rejected
Alt facts are always corrected
If we cannot trust every word
We’ll flush you like a hairy turd

170102

170102
United we wade uphill

When I wake up next to you
There is nothing I can’t do
If you’ll be my jelly moo
I will be your sugar pooh
In this year that’s still brand new
Hand in hand we’ll see it through

161107

161107
Almost over

Tomorrow, it will be done
Tomorrow, we’ll see who won
If she wins, she’ll be the first
If he wins, he’ll be the worst

161104

161104
HRC is GR8!

It isn’t too late
To stop all the hate
And succumb to fate
She’s better than great!

161010

161007
Happy birthday Tom!

I have a big brother named Tommy
We have the same daddy and mommy
We went to The Hat
To eat food and chat
Because they have the best pastrami

160815

160815
Your meat needs three stripes

I’m so mad I wrote this letter
Burger King you should know better
I just ate a Whopperrito
Whopper crossed with a burrito
Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce
This creation does upset us
Please forget these loathsome mergers
You should stick to grilling burgers

160613

160613
#MyPULSEisStrong

The planet’s getting hotter
Another gun slaughter
Trans loathing is profuse
About their bathroom use
A racist candidate
Who spews rancor and hate
He sows a hatred seed
When love is what we needed

160530

160530
I felt the Bern

Hens love roosters, geese love ganders
Liberals love Bernie Sanders
He’s fighting for the common man
Trump’s fighting for the Ku Klux Klan
While you work hard to pay your rent
Trump works hard for the one percent
Bernie wants free college for all
Trump says he’s building a free wall
They are white men with fluffy hair
But nowhere else do they compare