220815
At least I’m not gaining
I walk a lot for exercise
And climb the stairs to work my thighs
The food I eat I used to hate
But I can’t seem to lose some weight
Category: Ridiculous Rhymes
220812
220812
Is it in yet?
I push it in and pull it out
I see her lips begin to pout
I’m breathing hard and start to sweat
She bluntly asks, “is it in yet?”
I pull it out and push it in
I look at her, and we both grin
Our bodies heave in ecstasy
I just plugged in the USB
220810
220810
Cold pints will have to do
It’s hot this August night
To me, it’s a delight
The Irish think it’s not
To them it’s too damn hot
They’re sweating in this heat
And melting in the street
There’s nowhere they can be
The pubs don’t have AC!
220803
220803
Pink man cave
I’ve gone and changed my upstairs room
To start, I cleaned it with a broom
I picked up rubbish from the ground
Then moved the furniture around
It has a TV and loveseat
The LEGO wall looks pretty neat
I put my desk and laptop there
It also has a rolling chair
The clincher is a spinning bike
And I can ride it when I like
Work, exercise, play, watch and rest
My office/man cave is the best
220801
220801
16 + 5 = forever
I miss you James, I miss you Jean
Though pain of loss is truly mean
Unending love is stronger yet
Because of that, I can’t forget
My brother James and lovely wife
They showed me how to embrace life
Their kindness, joy and laughter too
I’ll always miss the both of you
220729
220729
The long and winding road
I thought it would last forever
But then came the worst day ever
That happened five years ago now
And I’ve made it this far somehow
Since life’s a trip and not a race
I took my stuff to a new place
And I brought Linc and Brownie too
As time has passed, I’m not so blue
I’m sometimes red and sometimes green
The colors change, know what I mean?
There are more ups and fewer downs
I’m mostly better than this sounds
But days like this can hurt the most
And good humor becomes morose
I still think that love was cheated
My forever’s not completed
220727
220727
What would you do for a Choco Taco?
Pour one out for Choco Taco
You can’t get one in Morocco
They’ve been canceled in Samoa
You can’t get one any more
They’re gone in Texas and New York
They can’t be found in County Cork
Choco Taco fans are grieving
For these treats they’re not receiving
220725
220725
Love and thunder
I took a chance with a blind date
And she did too, what freaky fate
We had our fun and loved a lot
But then she passed, I was distraught
I do not pray, but I have hope
That someone else will want this dope
Love’s lighting bolts – can they strike twice?
I think they will, I’ve been real nice
220720
220720
Schrödinger’s Linc
Little Linc, Little Linc
He’s the best cat, don’t you think?
Little Linc, Little Linc
Fur is black and tongue is pink
Little Linc, Little Linc
Sleeping near the kitchen sink
Little Linc, Little Linc
Into my room, he does slink
Little Linc, Little Linc
He gives me an evil wink
Little Linc, Little Linc
He will claw me if I blink
Little Linc, Little Linc
He’s the reason that I drink
Little Linc, Little Linc
He might kill me, don’t you think?
220713
220713
M-O-O-N spells super
The moon is full, and so am I
The moon is round like apple pie
The moon tonight is extra bright
It guides us with it’s lunar light
It’s super ’cause it’s fairly near
The moon does this three times a year
The moon is shining in the sky
The moon is high, and so am I
220711
220711
Faceless tent people
I don’t like faceless people
Looking out at me
I don’t like faceless people
What do they think they see?
Who are the faceless people
Sleeping in those tents?
Who are those faceless people?!?
My fear is now intense!
I dream of faceless people
Sleeping next to me
I dream of faceless people
Who do they want to be?
Embrace the faceless people
They’re my cup of tea
I’ve joined the faceless people
They’re just like you and me
220706
220706
It’s All-Ireland time
It’s time to plan our match watching bash
It’s time to see the clash of the ash
It’s time to hang the amber and black
It’s time for cats to get Liam back
220704
220704
Happy treason day
In the US, all good things are gone
I loved it all my life
But I moved to start again
To get away from hate and strife
I thank my lucky stars
To be living here today
‘Cause this flag still stands for freedom
And they can’t take that away
And I’m proud to be an Irishman
Where at least I know I’m free
And I won’t forget the Jizztrumpet
He fucked my old country
And I’d gladly stand up at the bar
And get asked, “Are you okay?”
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt
That christians have
Ruined the USA
220629
220629
He isn’t anymore
I’m the fucking President
Take me to the Capitol now
I’m the fucking President
I know I won the vote somehow
I’m the fucking President
They may have guns but won’t shoot me
I’m the fucking President
I stacked the courts so I’ll stay free!
220627
220627
Lavatory lamentation
On a bus for transportation
Corcaigh is my destination
Traffic means a hesitation
Causing much exasperation
I would like to bring cessation
To my need for urination
With a sense of desperation
To the jacks with trepidation
Odor is a foul sensation
I hold on for concentration
Need to get some relaxation
Waiting for piss termination
Pull my pants up with elation
Back to seat for the duration
Silently in celebration
Waiting for the final station
220622
220622
Above and below
I rolled the die under a chair
I need to get it out of there
But in the floor, there is a hole
To get it now, I’ll need a pole
But I have none, I want to cry
I’ll never get that missing die
But that’s ok, I do have more
And most are not below the floor
220620
220620
Once a year
A day before the yanks agree
It’s summer from Muff to Tralee
The sun is hot, the sky is blue
The ice cream shop has quite a queue
It’s time for shorts and sunny smiles
On hilltops you can see for miles
The kind of day when Irish cheer
‘Cause summer comes one day a year
220617
220617
She has a very tight calendar
Mother’s day is March or May
Depending where you are
Then in June it’s Father’s day
Now isn’t that bizarre?
Calendars have men second
It’s usually reversed
It’s about time I reckon
That moms get to come first
220615
220615
All you can eat is not a challenge
I swiped right and went on a date
We ended up at her place
I thought that it was going great
Already was on first base
But dinner was a big buffet
I knew that this would spoil it
The gurgles started straight away
I had to use her toilet
To ghost someone is horrible
It really is a sin though
But that smell was deplorable
So I snuck out the window
220613
220613
Cardboard conundrum
Solving puzzles can be risky
When you’re drinking wine or whiskey
The small pieces will stop fitting
And in time you’ll end up quitting
Cardboard corners will start bending
And you’ll never see the ending
If it’s cab sav that you guzzle
Do not start a jigsaw puzzle
220610
220610
Slip of the tongue
I learned this when I was young
And since then I’ve fairly flung
If like me you are well tongue
Doesn’t matter how you’re hung
220608
220608
Ms. Marvel
The superhero show is on
It’s all about Kamala Khan
The haters say they could care less
But real fans think it’s marvelous
220606
220606
Lately things they don’t seem the same
I’ve been in a haze
For four or five days
It’s been since the first
And just gotten worse
I’ve been close to tears
For four or five years
My eyes are a fount
When birthdays don’t count
220530
220530
Got a ticket to my destination
My visit was fun
But now it is done
I had a great time
But not a long time
I’ll be back again
But I don’t know when
220525
220525
Another day – another shooting
I’m tired of your thoughts and prayers
It doesn’t seem like your god cares
They’ll argue until nothing’s done
So fuck your rights and fuck your guns
220523
220523
Had to get away
It’s fun to be on holiday
It’s fun to rest and get away
It’s fun to frolic in the sun
I recommend for everyone
220516
220516
No sawing or dropping logs
I cannot sleep while on a plane
The lack of napping is a pain
Another thing I cannot do
No matter what I cannot poo
So when I land, and have the chance
I get to do my doo doo dance
Then throw my clothes into a heap
Climb into bed and fall asleep
220513
220513
I’m going back to Cali
I’m going back, but I’m not going home
I’m gonna see mom, dad, Tom and Jerome
I’m gonna go back to where I’m the Pope
I’m gonna eat tacos and smoke some dope
I’m not going home, but I’m going back
I’m gonna see friends like a maniac
I’m gonna play games and walk in the sun
And then I’ll go home when all of that’s done
220511
220511
To be the man, you got to drive the van!
Last night I drove a campervan
I drove it from Kildare
I drove it like the Macho Man
I drove it like Ric Flair
I drove the camper for a friend
I drove it to their pad
I’ll drive the campervan again
Or else I will be sad
220509
220509
Fist of Khonshu
I think I may, I think I might
Tell you about Marvel’s Moon Knight
A hero since the seventies
With multiple identities
Marc Spector is a hired merc
He’s not that nice, kind of a jerk
And Steven Grant’s another side
That’s who came out when Marc would hide
They died, and this might sound bizarre
Returned as Khonshu’s avatar
They vanquish villains by moonlight
The crime fighter known as Moon Knight!
220502
220502
A trip to Mahon Falls
I traveled on a magic road
To see the falls that freely flowed
Partaking in the vivid views
Considering which path to choose
I could go back the normal way
But I could do that any day
I feel I’ve hit the motherload
So I’ll stay on this magic road