190318
Oíche mhaith
If you’re an Ulster dreamer
You’ll always dream of Eimear
Your mind will be a reelin’
If ever you meet Caoilfhoinn
You better have inertia
To try to woo a Saoirse
If you can say it rightly
You’ll get to see her nightly
Tag: Ireland
Poems and/or Drawings about St. Patrick’s Day, Ireland and/or all things Irish.
190315
190315
Not that there’s anything wrong with that
There once was a father named Eamonn
Who got a big kick out of gay men
He liked how they’d play
With shirts off all day
Abú, hallelujah and amen!
190313
190313
Like a silk sheet
At the Paddy’s day parade
You will surely find Máiréad
Those that have both brains and brawn
Fascinate the fair Siobhán
To impress an Irish lass
Say their name as smooth as glass
190311
190311
Get the point?
Don’t mess with a woman named Niamh
They always keep knives up their sleeve
Don’t mess with a fella named Piaras
They carry sharp objects that pierce
Don’t mess with a woman named Medb
They might whack your head with a stave
Don’t mess with a fella named Aodh
They have been known to skin and flay
Don’t mess with the folks of the harp
They always have things that are sharp
190308
190308
There’s a Ruaidhrí in my curry
There once was a fella named Ruaidhrí
Who was legendarily furry
The hair on his back
Arms, legs and ball sack
Scared women away in a hurry
190306
190306
Owen is owin’ Eoghan
This is the legend of Eoghan
Others are comin’ and goin’
He has a side he ain’t showin’
Vast is the knowledge he’s knowin’
Dark is the shade he is throwin’
Loud is the horn he is blowin’
He doesn’t do his own crowin’
His tale is growin’ and growin’
190304
190304
Rhymes with skin trade
My leg hurt, and I needed shin-aid
I made an appointment with Sinéad
She is a pro at giving first aid
Her regimen helped make the pain fade
190301
190301
“Are you guilty?” “Neigh!”
There once was a fella named Niall
Who broke the law and was on trial
For shagging a horse
He argued of course
The horse said he was in denial
190116
190107
190107
Goin’ to Mayo
I’m on my way to wild Mayo
Where only silly people go
You cannot get there on a train
So getting there can be a pain
You cannot drive there in a car
I tried it once, but it’s too far
You cannot get there on a bike
That isn’t true, but it’s a hike
You cannot get there in a boat
Such choppy waves, it’s hard to float
The only place on this great sphere
You cannot go to there from here
181226
181226
Happy Stephen’s Day
Thank you for helping
Make Kilkenny my new home
Go raibh maith agat
181119
181119
A rake of shit
The Jizztrumpet rakes up the leaves
His fucking face gives me dry heaves
With Putin, Foster, Pence and May
I wish they all would blow away
181112
181112
HB Mr. B
Today could be chucked in a bin
A grounded plane with damaged skin
Another plane but had to wait
I missed the bus ’cause we were late
Then had to stand out in the cold
All the delays had gotten old
And traffic as we got to Naas
We crawled along at a snail’s pace
Then at long last, I made it home
And quickly bought Glory to Rome
‘Cause Tony said to this weekend
And I obey my foul-mouthed friend
181012
181012
This happened out in the Canaries
There was a ship captain from Skerries
Naïve like a typical Aries
She asked him to show
To bramble he’d go
And rummage for his twig and berries
180926
180926
They enjoyed Kilkenny
Vacation for my mom and dad
A splendid trip I hope they had
We ate and drank and had the craic
They went to Mayo and came back
We toured Kilkenny without rain
But now they’re leaving on a plane
Until I see them in twelve weeks
Ignore the tear stains on my cheeks
180924
180924
It’s about to get Irish as fuck
Leaves are turning brown
It’s autumn in Kilkenny
I’m a bit frightened
180827
180827
What’s worse than a curse?
There is an airport out in Knock
Where there ain’t much but stone and rock
The Holy Mary was seen there
With Joseph floating in the air
So Pope Frank went to see the church
Where Joe and Mary once did perch
The airport staff waited in line
To give Francis a shirt to sign
A jinx he was asked to reverse
In hopes of ending Mayo’s curse
Instead of such a petty task
A thousand things they could have asked
About abuse by priests and nuns
The church has failed the little ones
Little remorse, barely regret
Before he left them in his jet
180822
180822
But you should share this
Go see the pope in Phoenix Park
Stroll through an alley after dark
Jump in a pile of broken glass
Ignore effects of greenhouse gas
Elect outsiders out of spite
In thunderstorms go fly a kite
Don’t bother wiping after poo
These are some things you should not do
180820
180820
I might need to get one
From Castleknock to Castlebar
Mullinavat to Mullingar
You can’t get there without a car
From County Cork to County Clare
Killarney, Kilcoole and Kildare
Without a car you can’t get there
180815
180815
High Street haiku
Castle, cathedrals,
Pubs, cafes and narrow streets
What’s in your city?
180801
180801
Rail to nowhere
Sitting on a train
In the driving rain
Searching for the perfect station
Don’t know where to go
Hope we get there slow
Waiting for my destination
Every single place
Wants to plead its case
Each town has a revelation
Though the people there
Do not seem to care
All around this awesome nation
180709
180709
I’d rather she looked like Curly
There once was a woman from Kerry
Who rarely shaved so she was hairy
Of course down below
She grew quite a ‘fro
And looked like the Stooge known as Larry
180706
180706
Water restrictions in Ireland?!?
It’s been so long without the rain
Sure it’s as hot as France or Spain
The whitest Irish has a tan
We’re now under a hosepipe ban
With dirty cars and dying plants
We need to do a Riverdance
Dry kiddie pools – ain’t that a bitch
While water sprays the hurling pitch!
180629
180629
#Fireland
I can’t believe it’s so damn hot
A good day to be on a yacht
This island cannot take this heat
It’s used to burning gas and peat
There’s no AC, and I’ve no fan
I’m one big, sweaty, melted man
There’s no more water from the sink
I guess I’ll go back on the drink
180618
180618
Around the world in 90 days
These last three months have been quite rough
I’ve lived them all without my stuff
I packed it up and said goodbye
And off it went via Shanghai
The trip has been far from banal
It went through the Suez Canal
Then Rotterdam before Dublin
Excitement level is bubblin’
I’m finally gonna get my gear
Tomorrow it’s delivered here!
180604
180604
Happy 50th SP! ❤
Happy birthday Sweetie Pea
Wish that you were here with me
In our house in Kilkenny
I’ll love you eternally
180528
180528
In the Viking triangle
Artist took a great big tree
Carved it for the world to see
Sagas on a Viking sword
Seen today in Waterford
180525
180525
X for tá
Today my vote was cast
To end the passé past
I’m hoping that my Yes
Will end this holy mess
180523
180523
Get your rosaries off their ovaries
The Irish might repeal the 8th
The no side is aligned with faith
The yes side cares for women’s health
Access should not be based on wealth
Abortion can cause frenzied fights
You’re for the church or human rights
I will not make you have to guess
This Friday I will be a Yes
180516
180516
#TeamFerdiad
Young Ferdiad was kind of sullen
He had to fight his friend Cú Chulainn
Queen Medb slyly lied
Poor Ferdiad died
His body Cú Chulainn was cullin’
180514
180514
Slán mo chairde
Today I leave the USA
For Ireland where skies are grey
And while I leave loved ones behind
I had to leave or lose my mind
I miss my Sweetie Pea so much
I miss her smile, her laugh, her touch
So, I must go and start anew
I’m bringing Linc and Brownie too
We’ll settle there and start a life
Without my fucking awesome wife
I hope this works, my fingers crossed
This mental move comes at a cost
Emotional – financial too
And yet I must still bid adieu
The Emerald Isle is not that far
I guess I should say au revoir