Category: Ridiculous Rhymes

150812

150812
That’s my blue flame special

If you’re going to the store
This will make it less a bore
Try to get the squeaky cart
No one hears you when you fart

The car was packed, we got some gas
A long four hour drive
Reunion for my high school class
From 1985
The year before and after too
Coyotes on the prowl
We didn’t sing awoo-awoo
Or give our mighty howl
I missed the ones that were not there
And even some that were
The bully jock that’s losing hair
I talked with him for sure
The pretty girls are women now
The boys are full grown men
We had some drinks and ate some chow
We spoke of now and then
The best part of the night for me
John Hufferd was there too
He means a lot to so many
To him we say thank you!
Like all good things it had to end
I looked back through the door
My real life pal or facebook friend
Let’s not wait thirty more

150807

150807
We are the mighty coyotes

Tomorrow will be 30 years
Since last I saw my high school friends
We’ll have some laughs and drink some beers
I hope the party never ends

150731

150731
Gray in my beard is also weird

It isn’t fair
That pubic hair
Just grows and grows and grows
I really dread
No hair on head
But plenty in my nose
To my dismay
It’s turning gray
I’m fighting back the tears
This is the worst
I feel I’m cursed
I have hair in my ears

150729

150729
Kill a lion lose your business seems fair

If you want to kill a lion
You’re a dick there’s no denyin’
It’s one thing to shoot a weasel
But why’d you go and shoot Cecil?
You spent a lot to take a life
Better spent on a battered wife
Now you’ve given us a reason
To start dentist hunting season

150727

150727
Mötley scrüed Paso Robles

The Mid-State fair had Mötley Crüe
Nikki, Tommy, Mick and Vince too
They gave us all the Paso screw
Three hours late ’twas sad, but true
The band was fine, but through and through
Vince Neil’s voice sounded like poo
When asked to sing I yelled a boo
With peace and love here’s my FUCK YOU!

150724

150724
Here’s to 7×7 more!

Seven years ago we met
It’s a night I won’t forget
Whoda thunk that a blind date
Would turn out to be so great?
Funny, smart and you’re the bomb
Thanks crazyblinddate.com

150722

150722
It’s nice while it lasts

The Angels have been pretty hot
But time will tell if it’s for naught
Now seven games won in a row
And last lost ’bout two weeks ago
What happens when this hot streak ends?
Will Trout and Pujols still be friends?

150720

150720
Thanks Steve!

Our handyman is known as Steve
He’s super like Christopher Reeve
When There’s a problem we can’t fix
He opens up his bag of tricks
His nails are straight, they never stray
And then our troubles go away

150717

150717
Please take the bribe

If you share with a friend or two
I will write a poem for you
If you share and a friend clicks like
I will draw you dropping the mic

150715

150715
Pluto blocked NASA on Facebook

NASA we have some questions dammit!
Is or isn’t Pluto a planet?
The space probe flyby makes me wonder
If New Horizons is a blunder
Since Pluto has dwarf planet status
Why send this costly apparatus?
Only a downright dirty puto
Would try to catfish poor ol’ Pluto

150713

150713
Keep that halo lit!

In first place at the All-Star break
That Angels headline sure seems fake
April and May were a bummer
But they got hot in the summer
Angels aren’t great, but they’re the best
In mediocre AL West
Santiago, Pujols and Trout
I hope they spark an All-Star rout

150710

150710
SD I want to be in you

Comic-Con – I want to go
Comic-Con – it’s such a show
Pop culture and comic geeks
Haven’t changed their clothes in weeks
Cosplayers dressed to the nines
Hours spent waiting in lines
Rumors aren’t in short supply
Find out first who’s next to die
Hard to find a place to crash
Hope you brought a ton of cash
Comic-Con – it isn’t fair
Comic-Con – I can’t be there

150706

150706
That went south so fast!

Many know I call myself Pope
Even though I don’t bestow hope
Pope Francis can talk the good talk
Wish the church would walk the good walk
People flock to hear his sermon
Like him better than the German
Not a fan, but not a hater
Now he’s south of the equator
When I find myself that far south
I get things done with my big mouth

150703

150703
Have a safe and sane 4th

Bang! Happy Independence Day
Bang! Another dog runs away
Bang! Barbecuing in the park
Bang! Soldiers shaking in the dark
Bang! Bottle rocket, cherry bomb
Bang! Suddenly they’re back in ‘Nam
Bang! Before you light any more
Bang! Think about the folks next door

150701

150701
Pull over and sleep it off

When all your fears
Bring you to tears
Don’t suck it up
Top off your cup

150629

150629
All we need is… A big win

They built Vegas in the desert
A lot of dreams on sand and dirt
Sweetie Pea and Honey Bunny
Went there to win stacks of money
They parked their car in the garage
And then saw Love at the Mirage
Cirque du Soleil with the Fab Four
Part rock concert, but so much more
A better show they can’t recall
A splendid time was had by all

150626

150626
I do they do we all do

Today the court is so supreme
They’ve made real what was once a dream
For many years many have fought
Now all who love can tie the knot

150624

150624
Played Pairs at PolyCon 33

At game cons there’s nothing finer
Than playing with the designer
Whether graybeard or a minor
No one wants to face a whiner

150622

150622
Flags don’t burn crosses

It has to be degenerates
That raise flags for confederates
“The flag ain’t racist by itself”
Said the bigot with hood on shelf
The Ku Klux Klan will try to hide
Their hatred behind rebel pride
Only rebel flag that mattered
Was the white flag, torn and tattered

150619

150619
Death by loud noises

The smoke alarm gives off small chirps
It wakes up Raven, and she “yerps”
She gets so scared from certain sounds
And then she bays like twenty hounds
The worst noises are fireworks
Set off at night by thoughtless jerks
Soon it will be 4th of July
This might kill her, and that’s no lie

150615

150615
Tried to sell what wasn’t his

That’s not good – window’s broke
Asshole drank all my Coke
Crushed my things pretty bad
Took my games – I’m so mad
Funny thing – he got caught
Must have smoked too much pot
Hope he’s shanked in his cell
Then a short trip to hell

150612

150612
Happy #LovingDay

We must never forget the facts
There was a time when whites and blacks
Could not live in a loving way
So we proclaim this loving day
And now we know it’s not a sin
To love despite color of skin
I hope there is a future where
When two marry we only care
Where they will spend their honeymoon
And not which one’s the bride or groom

150610

150610
That’s why I wear a hat

I’m pretty sure humidity
Increases the stupidity
The way that people talk and act
You’d think they all were smoking crack
It’s only moisture in the air
The most it does is fuck up hair

150608

150608
Thanks for everything Alan & Karla!

Our visitors were
Karla and Alan
Jean was the chauffeur
We drank a gallon
We tasted some more
A great way to spend
A fiesta for
Jean’s birthday weekend

150605

150605
Jean is 21… again

Happy birthday to my wife
She’s the best part of my life
She’s so smart and such a dish
Hope she gets her birthday wish

150603

150603
Everyday

Greet the dawn with a yawn
This is how the day begins
Make a squirt, wash the dirt
Got to scrub off all my sins
Kiss my spouse, leave the house
Wave at Jerry, Phil and Bob
Stop and go, to and fro
Finally make it to my job
Nine to five, still alive
Did it all for little pay
Kiss my mate, life is great
Made it through another day

150601

150601
Doom and gloom

Cold and cloudy in the morn
Nice warm jackets do get worn
Blue skies in the afternoon
Welcome to the month of June

150529

150529
CA is to the left of TX

Too much rain in the Midwest
Poor Texans can get no rest
California has no rain
This long drought is such a pain
If that rain could come out west
We would all be far less stressed
Scientists could find a way
Texans want to kneel and pray
They could pray with all their might
But they’re too far to the right

150527

150527
Career day

Today we spoke about careers
All the speakers were volunteers
I said my job was great and such
I really hate to lie that much

150525

150525
We got our ya-ya’s out

We saw the Stones at Petco Park
The opener was Gary Clark
Our souvenirs took all our cash
They started with Jumping Jack Flash
All Down the Line and Moonlight Mile
Honky Tonk Women made us smile
Mick left the stage for some Keith fun
He played Before They Make Me Run
Lisa shined on Gimme Shelter
Lovely voice that nature dealt her
Their Sympathy for the Devil
Took us to a higher level
Brown Sugar before the fake end
Wish they played Waiting on a Friend
You Can’t Always Get What You Want
Mick and the boys look so damn gaunt
Satisfaction closed the concert
Time to purchase a bootleg shirt
The Rolling Stones proved they still rock
Even though they’re as old as Bach