Category: Ridiculous Rhymes

180430

180430
Flint still doesn’t have clean water

Funny lady slung the dirt
Sarah got her feelings hurt
Right wing outrage must be fake
Smoky eye melts the snowflake

180427

180427
Hey hey hey! You’re a rapist!

For years I laughed at my friend Bill
But then I heard he slipped a pill
Into a pretty lady’s glass
And now that Bill’s a fucking ass

180423

180423
Am I?

I walk down the lane
Through the fine soft rain
The banks are a pain
No sleep hurts my brain
But I’m keeping sane

180420

180420
I’m a cat dammit!

It’s totally worth all the hassle
To get the keys to me own castle!
It’s totally worth every penny
I now own a house in Kilkenny!

180418

180418
They’re at Hotel MomNDad

My two pets got left behind
Brownie didn’t seem to mind
As he shredded up the drape
Linc made plans for his escape
Leaving them doth make me swoon
I’ll be back to get them soon

180416

180416
Something something something cocks!

Though his head is filled with rocks
Brownie likes to go for walks
Sometimes we will march for blocks
While Linc sits atop a box

180411

180411
All things must pass

Please start living like life always ends
Keep on trying again and again
Please start giving your love to your friends
We’re all dying, we just don’t know when

180406

180406
Tickets purchased!

After months of preparation
Packing, waiting, perspiration
Closing date has been decided
Now’s the time to get excited!

This house is full of memories
Of sugar poohs and sweetie peas
The good times far outweigh the bad
But lately all I’ve felt is sad
The things are gone, the walls are bare
And melancholy fills the air
I turn the key and lock the door
I won’t be going back no more

180402

180402
Thanks FB Marketplace

I thought it would be really rough
But I just sold all of my stuff
Within this house, there’s just a bed
So I can rest my weary head

180328

180328
Ain’t no lie

Every high
Makes me sigh
Saying bye
Makes me cry
This old guy
Don’t know why

180326

180326
So long stuff

The time has come, today’s the day
I’ve packed my stuff, it’s gone away
This empty house, where once was cheer
Is hollow now, without my gear
As I chill with Brownie and Linc
I think of friends, and raise my drink
To Sweetie Pea, I love you most
The sun sets on the Central Coast

180323

180323
I like to move it move it

If it was crucial I’ve packed it
If it was boxed up I’ve stacked it
If it was empty I’ve filled it
If it was useless I’ve killed it

180321

180321
I’m stuffed from packing

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Like everyone else
I hate packing too

180314

180314
I chose warmly

Found a gift card in my pocket
Added shopping to my docket
Wanted to buy some more LEGOs
But instead I got some warm clothes

180312

180312
New fight song?

We all hail from Mayo
And we wear the green and red
We’re on fire
For Sam Maguire
We’ll root until we’re dead
From the boggy plains of Mayo
To the blue Atlantic shore
In every house with thatch
When there’s a football match
The whole county starts to roar!

M! (3 claps)
A! (3 claps)
Y! (3 claps)
O! (3 claps)

M-A-Y-O! #UpMayo

180309

180309
Wiggle butt and wiggle toes

I walk around with Brownie Bear
He likes to shake his derrière
And when he dreams, he wiggles toes
So then I boop him on his nose

180307

180307
Just like an old time movie

Though I find him sweet and sappy
Gordon Lightfoot made Jean happy
Songs of shipwrecks and mind reading
Folk rock roots never receding
My surprise – I never figured
That his music would have triggered
The same songs that brought Jean gladness
Now fill me with utter sadness

180302

180302
My blue phase

You and me eternally
That is what was meant to be
Without you, I’m feeling blue
That is all I ever do
“Come on Sean, though I’m gone
You must keep on keeping on!”

180228

180228
Downward farting dog

Brownie has a dootie
Brewing in his booty
Though he is my buddy
His stench is real cruddy
What is in his belly
That could be so smelly?
Maybe it’s the fish skin
That he had for din-din
Now my nose is smarting
“Brownie please stop farting!
Your ass gas is rotten
Go and get to squattin’!”

180226

180226
Last time he ran was for President

Into the school he would have run
He said he wouldn’t need a gun
Both cops and students he’s maligned
Jizztrumpet’s lost his fucking mind

180223

180223
And young lesbian love

I finished binge watching “Everything Sucks”
It was so 90’s, it had “Mighty Ducks”
My favorite part was watching Luke’s mom
Dating a white nerd she thought was the bomb

180219

180219
Or wear your socks to bed

Chilly nights get awfully lonely
When you’ve lost your one and only
So that you don’t feel defeated
Make sure that your bed is heated

180216

180216
#OrcCon2018

Scott and I played many games
Pairs, Loot Letter, and Codenames
Clank! and Lords of Waterdeep
Now it’s time to go to sleep

180214

180214
She cho-cho-chose me!

Friday night – a twist of fate
We met on a crazy date
She gave me a better life
I asked her to be my wife
I am hers, and she is mine
My forever valentine
Nine short years went by too fast
Our true love was meant to last
My lover and my best friend
Cancer got her in the end
I am hers, and she is mine
My forever valentine
I miss her all night and day
Feeling pain in every way
Sweetie Pea will always be
In my heart eternally
I am hers, and she is mine
My forever valentine

180209

180209
My job is packing now

Today’s my last day at my job
But you won’t hear me cry or sob
I wasn’t happy working here
I won’t miss this dead end career
From here on out, I don’t have work
I won’t have chores or tasks to shirk
But I’ve no time to mess and play
In two short months, I move away