Tag: Hair

161111

161111
We have no hair please do not stare

Don’t be appalled
Our heads are bald
We shaved them tight
To fight our fight

161031

161031
The first taste is free

From door to door all over town
It’s time for kids to shake us down
I shaved my head like Walter White
To give out crystal meth tonight

161028

161028
It’s cold up there with no hair

I just cut off all my hair
I did this to show I care
Even though I now look mean
I’d do anything for Jean

160914

160914
Dating tips from a master ex-dater

Plan out what you want to wear
Trim your nails and wash your hair
Tweeze the long hairs in your nose
Clean the fungus ‘tween your toes
Do this if you want to date
Or you’ll have to masturbate

Hens love roosters, geese love ganders
Liberals love Bernie Sanders
He’s fighting for the common man
Trump’s fighting for the Ku Klux Klan
While you work hard to pay your rent
Trump works hard for the one percent
Bernie wants free college for all
Trump says he’s building a free wall
They are white men with fluffy hair
But nowhere else do they compare

160328

160328
She’s one pernicious pooch

I love Raven with all my heart
Until she rips a noxious fart
It melts my face; it curls my hair
It grosses out poor Brownie Bear
What does she eat? Is it the grass?
What festers in that evil ass?
I’ve gone from love to really hates
The dog that always flatulates

160224

160224
Maybe I’ll go back to prayer

First you take a billionaire
Make sure he has awful hair
And devoid of savoir faire
Pander so he gets on air
Spews out venom everywhere
Policies are hate and scare
Plays to dumb crowds with fanfare
Welcome to our Trump nightmare

160203

160203
Spoiler alert dinner is spoiled

The ulcer burst, blood everywhere
It’s in the soup, it’s in their hair
It’s in the wine, it’s on the pie
I think he got some in her eye
It’s on the plate, it’s on the floor
He splattered it upon the door
He spit blood almost to Glasgow
It’s like we’d watched a horror show

151102

151102
Happy birthday dad!!!

There once was a Paddy from Mayo
Who moved to the US of A oh
He married a wife
And later in life
Three boys made his hair go all gray-o

151009

151009
Ditty for a doggie – Brownie Bear

He sits around like he just don’t care
That chromatic canine – Brownie Bear
He’ll eat your house into disrepair
A cast iron stomach – Brownie Bear
His policies are quite laissez faire
That political pooch – Brownie Bear
The backyard’s covered with his back hair
He’s a hirsute hounddog – Brownie Bear
He makes the room reek of derrière
That foul-smelling fido – Brownie Bear
Empty noggin, at a wall he’ll stare
Thick headed, tail wagger – Brownie Bear

150928

150928
Try not to hate no worries mate

Worst part of the trip is the travel
It makes my brain start to unravel
From lengthy delays on the tarmac
To encumbered bags that hurt your back
Can’t sleep on the plane though I’m shit faced
And then one of our bags is misplaced
The vacation starts when you get there
But sitting around makes me lose hair

150731

150731
Gray in my beard is also weird

It isn’t fair
That pubic hair
Just grows and grows and grows
I really dread
No hair on head
But plenty in my nose
To my dismay
It’s turning gray
I’m fighting back the tears
This is the worst
I feel I’m cursed
I have hair in my ears

150610

150610
That’s why I wear a hat

I’m pretty sure humidity
Increases the stupidity
The way that people talk and act
You’d think they all were smoking crack
It’s only moisture in the air
The most it does is fuck up hair

150506

150506
Stop scratching!

The cat has no hair
On his derrière
He looks pretty dumb
With his hairless bum

150216

150216
Or shave it bald

If I have some gray up there
I can put dye in my hair
But I’d like to have a hint
When my pubes should lose their tint
Wonder if it would confound
If I color up my mound

141231

141231
Let’s do better in 2015!

The year comes to its fated end
A good night to spend with a friend
As you plan your resolution
Consider your contribution
Stop drinking beer, and cut your hair
Lose twenty pounds, I just don’t care
Those goals are nice but selfish too
Do something that’s not just for you
Share the planet, and save the bees
Pledge your money to cure disease
Eat local foods, and plant a tree
Don’t fight too much, try to agree
Make your city a better place
Do something for the human race
What will I do to save the Earth?
I’ll cover it with smiles and mirth
As we bid this year adieu
Do as I say, not as I do

141201

141201
RIP Nancy #GKG

Whether you’re old or if you’re young
If you’re low key, or too high strung
If you don’t want to lose your hair
Then take this as your Cancer scare
It affects cops and math teachers
Pilots, plumbers, priests and preachers
Chicks with hooters or flat chested
Men with balls should all get tested
It doesn’t care if you’re a star
Or if you train for CPR
Even if you’re a tap dancer
We should all say FUCK YOU CANCER!

141121

141121
Keep the bell blue!

There once was a clutch of $c girls
They looked so pretty, their hair in curls
They earned their degrees
While down on their knees
And they wore necklaces made of pearls

141113

141113
Bald on top but furry all over

If on top they’re bald or thinning
It’s a battle they’re not winning
If their forehead is a five head
When they blush, it all turns bright red
Remember they didn’t choose it
Rarely do they want to lose it
Avoid pointing and do not stare
It’s not their fault they have no hair

140307

140307
At least it wasn’t potato bug

Jean just saw a spider
It skittered beside her
Though it didn’t hurt her
She asked me to murder
The huge hairy spider
That skittered beside her
I stomped on its body
And dropped it in potty
In the death triple crown
The spider got flushed down
A warning to spiders
They should stay outsiders

140227

140227
Good grub great guys

It is National Chili Day
So spend it in a special way
My favorite place to go is Tom’s
They put hair on your chest and palms
They serve iced tea from a bottle
And talk comics with a model
Don’t be scared ’cause their skin is brown
Tom’s Take-out is the best in town

140223

140223
Not McDreamy
or McSteamy
but unseemly

From the hairs inside my noes
To the claws upon my toes
I’m as round as a trash can
But I’m hot, ’cause I’m a man

1028

1028
Our werewolf is pretty hairy

Trick or treaters should be wary
Of our house; it looks real scary
While our candy is quite tasty
It might be a little hasty
To approach us for some candy
A good costume would be handy
So don’t even think of knocking
If your outfit isn’t rocking

1017

1017
I’m so vain

White whisker removed from my beard
It was not plucked, instead I sheared
It looks and feels a little weird
But there’s no reason to be skeered
It’s not as bad as I once feared
Onto my face some dye was smeared
That which was gray has disappeared
And so I danced around and cheered

1003

1003
I need a Bloody Mary

Today I met a fairy
Playful but kind of wary
She wasn’t very hairy
But smelled like Boysenberry
Clothes crimson like a cherry
Wings delicate and airy
But strong enough to carry
A sprite so very merry
Attractive and not scary
Like Tinkerbell from Barrie
I hope someday she’ll marry
And live up in an aerie

1001

1001
Your Uncle Sam is who I am

Do you like the man so tan?
I don’t like him Uncle Sam
I don’t like his stupid hair
He just doesn’t seem to care
I don’t like him in the house
Anybody but that louse
He’s dumb like a bag of rocks
He’s the color of a fox
His beliefs are so bizarre
He’s GOP like Babar
He helped shut down Ol’ D.C.
Then danced and shouted “whoopee!”
His tactics are so insane
He’s causing us so much pain
His bite is worse than his bark
Meaner than a great white shark
Why’d he have to crow and gloat?
I hope he gets a sore throat
He thinks this is the best way
He’ll see on election day
How he hates Obamacare
I don’t like him anywhere
I don’t like the man so tan
I don’t like him Uncle Sam

0811

0811
My hats are my proems

To My Wife – With A Copy Of My Poems
By Oscar Wilde

I can write no stately proem
As a prelude to my lay;
From a poet to a poem
I would dare to say.

For if of these fallen petals
One to you seem fair,
Love will waft it till it settles
On your hair.

And when wind and winter harden
All the loveless land,
It will whisper of the garden,
You will understand.

0118

0118
Is that why I’m balding?

The power went out
We all scream and shout
The reason we rave?
We should have hit save!