140215
They were fabulous at the Forum
We just saw Simon and Sting
Those two guys can really sing
From The Boxer to Fragile
They both proved they have it still
140213
140213
Happy singles appreciation day
Don’t you worry, never fear
Valentine’s is almost here
The one day you love to hate
‘Cause you do not have a mate
Even though you went on match
You still have an itch to scratch
Now the hour’s getting late
So you sadly masturbate
140211
140211
Number one with a bullet
When making number two
There is no guarantee
I want to make a poo
But all I do is pee
I give it all I got
And try with all my heart
But squatting on the pot
The most I do is fart
140209
140209
What’s up on the road
The Walking Dead is back on
We saw Rick, Carl and Michonne
But no Carol or Daryl
We do not know their peril
Poor Hershel was just a head
No more spoilers will be said
140207
140207
Believe what you want, but you’re wrong
On a Friday, dark and dreary
Reading Facebook, I get weary
From doubters of Big Bang Theory
What I tell them causes friction
When I say the Bible’s fiction
Young Earth is a contradiction
Faith is their sole reliance
They don’t understand real science
They’re as dumb as an appliance
140205
140205
They looked good enough to eat
While I’m walking down the street
Bunnies hopping on concrete
They are cute and so petite
Those hares made my day complete
140203
140203
It really makes me upset
Another password reset
I break out in a cold sweat
Changing them is never fun
I can’t remember this one
Should I use a percent sign?
Should I try to intertwine
Capitals and lower case?
Do I have to put a space?
In my head, my password’s stored
And taped onto my keyboard
140201
140201
116 bottles to be honest
99 bottles of wine in our house
And we finished them all, me and my spouse
We sipped Grenache, Syrah and Chardonnay
We quaffed Marsanne, Roussanne and Cabernet
We drank Zinfandel and Sauvignon Blanc
We gulped Viognier and Cabernet Franc
We had bottles from Zaca and Talley
Some from Red Zeppelin and Edna Valley
We had Casa Dumetz and Bishop’s Peak
I wonder how many we’ll drink next week!
140131
140131
Broncos – 4
Seahawks – 20
The Seahawks and the Broncos
Former AFC West foes
From states where pot is allowed
The NFL must be proud
A THC Super Bowl
Where getting high is the goal
140129
140129
You cannot deny warming’s not a lie
The rain is a lie
Bright sun in the sky
It’s hot as July
The soil is bone dry
The farmers all cry
Their crops wilt and die
There is no supply
Of fresh food to buy
A tear’s in my eye
As life says good-bye
140127
140127
If I had one to sell
I would commit the perfect crime
In order to get more free time
There’s not enough time in the day
I have to work instead of play
When I was young, I had the time
But then I didn’t have a dime
Free time and money are the goal
To have them both, I’d sell my soul!
140125
140125
The title is in this hat
On my desk, there lays a cat
But he does not lay real flat
So he’s not a good place mat
It is hard to make him scat
Seldom does he want to chat
Yet he always wants a pat
If you don’t, he is a brat
He’s still cute, imagine that
140123
140123
Hold tight
There once was a singer named Bieber
Who worked teen girls into a fever
But then he got caught
Fast driving and pot
In jail he will be a receiver
140121
140121
I can’t trust a fart
If you fart and no one’s there
Should you really even care?
If it makes a nasty sound
Even though no one’s around
Do you say, “Excuse me sirs?”
What happens when that occurs?
If it waters up your eyes
How should you apologize?
Do you say, “I’m sorry ma’am”?
Does she even give a damn?
If I’m in an empty room
And I toot a smelly fume
I hope that the dog walks by
So that I can point and lie
It is certainly an art
To know when and where to fart
140119
140119
I just had a good time
I kinda lost track of time
But I was able to rhyme
It’s better late than never
When doing this forever
140117
140117
Just say nyet!
There are those that are gluten-free
But the world should be Putin-free
He’s as bad as Josef Stalin
Russia’s status is free-fallin’
They are hosting the winter games
While his speeches are fanning flames
His views are as thick as a brick
Vladimir Putin – you’re a dick!
140115
140115
Banksy even tagged our wall
Justin Bieber egged our house
Got TP’ed by Mickey Mouse
Left Eye tried to burn us down
Neighbors always wear a frown
Someone left a burning bag
Smelled so bad it made us gag
If our neighbors don’t improve
Think that we will have to move
140113
140111
140111
Copied a copy-cat
Yesterday I posted a spoof
Of plagiarist Shia LaBeouf
Copying is not creative
And his work was replicative
This asshole has no discretion
He even stole his confession
He sky wrote and tweeted a pic
Thus making him Shia LaDick
So don’t worry, you can relax
There have been no recent attacks
My poems are not abating
I will never #stopcreating
140109
140109
And freaking zebras too!
From the smartest hawk to the dumbest quail
From the fastest fox to the slowest snail
From the harbor seal to the sly raccoon
From the humpback whale to the arctic loon
From the sea lion to the bold seagull
From the sea otter to the bald eagle
From the coyote to the grizzly bear
From the spotted owl to the snowshoe hare
From the pretty deer to the ugly boar
I enjoy wildlife and want to see more!
140107
140107
I’m experiencing disquietude
I truly need a break
I’ve had all I can take
Please send all of the stress
To a different address
My magnificent plan
To breathe deep as I can
If this plan doesn’t work
I’ll probably go berserk
140105
140105
Just like football clap-clap clap-clap-clap
In NCAA sports
The Bruins come to play
With balls of all sorts
Blue and gold rules LA
From the hills of Westwood
Over to the Rose Bowl
Even in $C’s hood
You can hear their bell toll
While the Bruins have flown
110 banners
$c Trojans condone
Douchebags and spray tanners
140103
140103
Light up that halo #AngelsWin
Halo around the sun
Halo around the sun
Means today will be fun
Halo around the moon
Halo around the moon
Means fun will happen soon
Halo around your head
Halo around your head
Means you’re probably dead
140101
140101
I’m back like a heart-attack
365 days done
And now a new year has begun
Each year we make a promise to
Become a better me and you
Here’s to doing our very best
To stave off cardiac arrest
1231
1231
Thanks for everything 2013!
It’s 2014 eve
Today I will achieve
A feat you won’t believe
For every day this year
My poems caused a cheer
Or some to shed a tear
I used words in a rhyme
My drawings looked like slime
But finished every time
Next year’s resolution
My rhyme revolution
Will find distribution
1230
1230
Your emergency is not mine!
It’s never too late
To try and frustrate
Your indifference
Is making me tense
If nonsense persists
Your face meets my fists
Please listen next time
To prevent a crime
1229
1229
I hope 2014 is swell
Auld Lang Syne
By Robert Burns
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne?
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
And surely ye’ll be your pint-stowp,
And surely I’ll be mine!
And we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
We twa hae run about the braes,
And pu’d the gowans fine;
But we’ve wandered mony a weary fit
Sin’ auld lang syne.
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
We twa hae paidled i’ the burn,
Frae morning sun till dine;
But seas between us braid hae roared
Sin’ auld lang syne.
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere,
And gie’s a hand o’ thine!
And we’ll tak a right guid-willie waught
For auld lang syne.
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.
1228
1228
We do need some stinkin’ badgers
Jean saw a badger on our drive
Amazingly, he was alive
Too often critters are road kill
Observing wildlife is a thrill
1227
1227
I’ll always have your back
Don’t wait for a zombie apocalypse
When we’re invaded by alien ships
We might get blown away by asteroids
Or fight an army of evil androids
You never know how the world’s gonna end
But it won’t suck if you’re with your best friend
1226
1226
Gloves are 50% off too
Boxing day has nothing to do
With pugilists or people who
Punch your face or get into fights
It’s about presenting delights
To folks who need to get a break
We should all give more than we take
1225
1225
Did you get it?
Did you get a Barbie doll?
Did you get a basketball?
Did you get a brand new car?
Did you get a steel guitar?
Did you get that fun new game?
Did you get a picture frame?
Did you get a gold iPhone?
Did you get some sweet cologne?
Did you get the xbox one?
Did you get a BB gun?
Did you get a racing bike?
Did you get that thing you like?
Did you get a choo choo train?
Did you get a golden chain?
Did you get a chia pet?
Did you get a clarinet?
As we eat our Christmas spread
Think of those without a bed
There are folks that just want life
For their brother or their wife
There are kids out in the street
Looking for a scrap to eat
Is there something you can do
To help make these dreams come true?