220701
His mitre was quite ostentatious
A bishop who folks called Ignatius
Would drink beer and get quite pugnacious
He’d punch a few nuns
Then shoot off some guns
His sermons were lewd and salacious
220629
220629
He isn’t anymore
I’m the fucking President
Take me to the Capitol now
I’m the fucking President
I know I won the vote somehow
I’m the fucking President
They may have guns but won’t shoot me
I’m the fucking President
I stacked the courts so I’ll stay free!
220627
220627
Lavatory lamentation
On a bus for transportation
Corcaigh is my destination
Traffic means a hesitation
Causing much exasperation
I would like to bring cessation
To my need for urination
With a sense of desperation
To the jacks with trepidation
Odor is a foul sensation
I hold on for concentration
Need to get some relaxation
Waiting for piss termination
Pull my pants up with elation
Back to seat for the duration
Silently in celebration
Waiting for the final station
220624
220622
220622
Above and below
I rolled the die under a chair
I need to get it out of there
But in the floor, there is a hole
To get it now, I’ll need a pole
But I have none, I want to cry
I’ll never get that missing die
But that’s ok, I do have more
And most are not below the floor
220620
220620
Once a year
A day before the yanks agree
It’s summer from Muff to Tralee
The sun is hot, the sky is blue
The ice cream shop has quite a queue
It’s time for shorts and sunny smiles
On hilltops you can see for miles
The kind of day when Irish cheer
‘Cause summer comes one day a year
220617
220617
She has a very tight calendar
Mother’s day is March or May
Depending where you are
Then in June it’s Father’s day
Now isn’t that bizarre?
Calendars have men second
It’s usually reversed
It’s about time I reckon
That moms get to come first
220615
220615
All you can eat is not a challenge
I swiped right and went on a date
We ended up at her place
I thought that it was going great
Already was on first base
But dinner was a big buffet
I knew that this would spoil it
The gurgles started straight away
I had to use her toilet
To ghost someone is horrible
It really is a sin though
But that smell was deplorable
So I snuck out the window
220613
220613
Cardboard conundrum
Solving puzzles can be risky
When you’re drinking wine or whiskey
The small pieces will stop fitting
And in time you’ll end up quitting
Cardboard corners will start bending
And you’ll never see the ending
If it’s cab sav that you guzzle
Do not start a jigsaw puzzle
220610
220610
Slip of the tongue
I learned this when I was young
And since then I’ve fairly flung
If like me you are well tongue
Doesn’t matter how you’re hung
220608
220608
Ms. Marvel
The superhero show is on
It’s all about Kamala Khan
The haters say they could care less
But real fans think it’s marvelous
220606
220606
Lately things they don’t seem the same
I’ve been in a haze
For four or five days
It’s been since the first
And just gotten worse
I’ve been close to tears
For four or five years
My eyes are a fount
When birthdays don’t count
220603
220603
Or not so secretly
There once was a man who was creepy
He’d often pretend to be sleepy
His snoring was fake
He’d lay there awake
And secretly rub on his pee pee
220601
220530
220530
Got a ticket to my destination
My visit was fun
But now it is done
I had a great time
But not a long time
I’ll be back again
But I don’t know when
220527
220527
Me encanta tu plátano
There once was a man from Salinas
Who only went out with latinas
He loved snappy sass
Their apple-shaped ass
And they preferred his curvy penis
220525
220525
Another day – another shooting
I’m tired of your thoughts and prayers
It doesn’t seem like your god cares
They’ll argue until nothing’s done
So fuck your rights and fuck your guns
220523
220523
Had to get away
It’s fun to be on holiday
It’s fun to rest and get away
It’s fun to frolic in the sun
I recommend for everyone
220520
220520
Fruit Salad
A swimmer who lived in Fontana
Got undressed inside a cabana
A woman walked in
And started to grin
When she saw his peach and banana
220518
220518
What’s in your head?
The best Doctor Strange
In Multiverse of Madness
Zombie Doctor Strange
220516
220516
No sawing or dropping logs
I cannot sleep while on a plane
The lack of napping is a pain
Another thing I cannot do
No matter what I cannot poo
So when I land, and have the chance
I get to do my doo doo dance
Then throw my clothes into a heap
Climb into bed and fall asleep
220513
220513
I’m going back to Cali
I’m going back, but I’m not going home
I’m gonna see mom, dad, Tom and Jerome
I’m gonna go back to where I’m the Pope
I’m gonna eat tacos and smoke some dope
I’m not going home, but I’m going back
I’m gonna see friends like a maniac
I’m gonna play games and walk in the sun
And then I’ll go home when all of that’s done
220511
220511
To be the man, you got to drive the van!
Last night I drove a campervan
I drove it from Kildare
I drove it like the Macho Man
I drove it like Ric Flair
I drove the camper for a friend
I drove it to their pad
I’ll drive the campervan again
Or else I will be sad
220509
220509
Fist of Khonshu
I think I may, I think I might
Tell you about Marvel’s Moon Knight
A hero since the seventies
With multiple identities
Marc Spector is a hired merc
He’s not that nice, kind of a jerk
And Steven Grant’s another side
That’s who came out when Marc would hide
They died, and this might sound bizarre
Returned as Khonshu’s avatar
They vanquish villains by moonlight
The crime fighter known as Moon Knight!
220506
220506
Johnny Deppshit
I woke to the song of a birdy
And there next to me was a turdy
Well that isn’t right
What happened last night?
I must have slept with Amber Heard-y!
220504
220502
220502
A trip to Mahon Falls
I traveled on a magic road
To see the falls that freely flowed
Partaking in the vivid views
Considering which path to choose
I could go back the normal way
But I could do that any day
I feel I’ve hit the motherload
So I’ll stay on this magic road
220429
220429
Click click
There once was a ginger named Rusty
Who had affairs torrid and lusty
He often spilled seed
But he did not breed
He shot blanks with balls that were dusty
220427
220425
220425
They’ll drool on you
My two nuts just hang around
One is black, and one is brown
Most days they’re in lazy mode
When excited, they’ll explode
My two nuts just love the craic
One is brown, and one is black
They don’t care who strokes their bum
They will stay but like to come
My two nuts have so much hair
And they leave it everywhere
If you wear a sexy dress
They will make an awful mess
My two nuts are pretty swell
Though sometimes they really smell
I will scrub them clean and neat
Till they’re good enough to eat
My two nuts are quite a pair
Pleasing babes with savoir-faire
In their hostile habitat
One’s a dog, and one’s a cat
220422
220422
His willy got woolly
There once was a wild Irish rover
Who tended to sheep as a drover
One night on the piss
A ewe gave a kiss
Then each night he got drunk all over