160708
Show us your love
Go hug your kids, go hug them tight
Embrace loved ones with all your might
Love long and hard, do not pretend
You never know when it may end
Category: Ridiculous Rhymes
160706
160706
#FuckThePolice
What’s with this racist cop shit?
They need to fucking stop it!
Motherfuckers with a badge
Their tiny dicks get no vag
So they fling the brown man down
Throw his black ass on the ground
Shoot him twice into his head
Motherfuckers shot him dead!
No need for a punk ass trial
Though they’re guilty by a mile
Murder pigs will be set free
Slap the black community
It’s the same shit as before
They must want a racial war
We all want to live in peace
Till we do – FUCK THE POLICE!
160704
160704
Have a quiet 4th
I do not think the fourth is fun
When all the booms sound like a gun
We honor soldiers from the war
By scaring them a little more
They suffer from PTSD
To them these blasts do not bring glee
Our furry friends don’t like the bangs
They run away and join wild gangs
So think about the flash and noise
That’s made by men who act like boys
160701
160701
Loving spoonful
I did not think I’d ever see
A heart shaped clump made by cat pee
Linc must have tried with all his might
To leave this gift for us last night
He found a way to show his love
It’s super sweet, at least kind of
I’d rather he purr on my knee
Than shower us with gifts of pee
160629
160629
#FuckDaesh twice, sideways with a broom
Istanbul has been bombed again
Too many victims – it’s insane
Travelers waiting for a plane
Terrorists are a huge shit stain
160624
160624
#Brexit? how ’bout #FuxItUp!
EU is a bloody mess
Like a Donald Trump U.S.
Merry England wants to leave
Chaos is all they achieve
Scotland voted to remain
And Gibraltar next to Spain
Ulster said it wants to stay
Now they may unite some day
UK’s money loses ground
Peso’s worth more than the pound
Misinformed and racist Brits
Put their county in the shits
Now the home of Mr. Bean
Can’t be saved by king or queen
160622
160622
I now have one headlight
Into a nail I stumble
I feel a painful ripple
My moob’s a bloody jumble
I just ripped off my nipple
160620
160620
Fuck the NRA
Columbine was not enough
Fuck the NRA
Sandy Hook was not enough
Make them go away
Orlando was not enough
Fuck the NRA
Never will it be enough
What else can we say?
160617
160617
Let’s make America brown again
I ate too much, my pants are tight
I know I have to take a dump
I’m pushing hard, with all my might
But all I made was Donald Trump
160615
160615
People > guns
Here’s a tip for you and yours
When a massacre occurs
Hug your family, not your gun
Or the terrorists have won
160613
160613
#MyPULSEisStrong
The planet’s getting hotter
Another gun slaughter
Trans loathing is profuse
About their bathroom use
A racist candidate
Who spews rancor and hate
He sows a hatred seed
When love is what we needed
160610
160610
Lincoln Hayes
Wiggle my fingers; run, run run
Playing with Linc is fun, fun, fun
Jumps on my belly; knead, knead, knead
His claws are sharp; I bleed, bleed, bleed
Runs up the stairs, so quick, quick, quick
He knocks things over; dick, dick, dick
Throughout the house his fur, fur, fur
When it’s time for bed, purr, purr, purr
160608
160608
#ImWithHer
My hate for Trump is plain and pure
I felt the Bern, now I’m with her
Clinton’s platform I do prefer
I love women, so I’m with her
Trump is the worst, a wretched cur
Go build your wall, ’cause I’m with her
Of the two left, I do concur
She is the best, and I’m with her
160603
160603
Happy birthday Sweetie Pea!
Jean is my love, I love my Jean
To me she’s kind, she’s never mean
She’s so funny and lot’s of fun
As sweetie peas, she’s number one
She’s got the looks, she’s got the smarts
She always cooks and never farts
I stay young with vitamin J
So let’s wish Jean – Happy Birthday!
160601
160601
#RainbowPoo #LGBTPrideMonth
I’m an LGBT ally
We won’t back down, we will not hide
Until the first day of July
It’s time for LGBT pride
If gay marriage makes you feel sad
Just think about how they must feel
It’s not a choice, it’s not a fad
The way they love is very real
If bathrooms cause you untold fears
I hope to change your point of view
Trans people, gays, and even queers
Use toilets just to pee and poo
160530
160530
I felt the Bern
Hens love roosters, geese love ganders
Liberals love Bernie Sanders
He’s fighting for the common man
Trump’s fighting for the Ku Klux Klan
While you work hard to pay your rent
Trump works hard for the one percent
Bernie wants free college for all
Trump says he’s building a free wall
They are white men with fluffy hair
But nowhere else do they compare
160527
160527
Racist cry of the teapublic
Remember when we made tea float?
Let’s make it great again!
Remember women couldn’t vote?
Let’s make it great again!
Remember having different seats?
Let’s make it great again!
Remember wearing long, white sheets?
Let’s make it great again!
Remember all the injun graves?
Let’s make it great again!
Remember when we all had slaves?
Let’s make it great again!
Remember we were number one?
Let’s make it great again!
Now get a hood, and grab your gun!
Let’s make it great again!
160523
160520
160520
Hit them with their own panhandle
Oklahoma isn’t right
They’re misguided in their fight
By combining church and state
They’ve created fear and hate
Government should be for all
Yet they’re spiteful and banal
Church is where they should rejoice
Do not worry ’bout her choice
Do not worry if he’s gay
Oklahoma’s not OK
160518
160518
Or moist days
Most days I work to earn a buck
Most days my work is so the suck
Most days this puts me in a haze
I don’t think that I’ll miss most days
160516
160516
8 lines about 4 #GoT women
Arya said she had no name
But at night she says her list
Brienne was a bit too tall
Fights men off but never kissed
Cersei was her brother’s twin
And she has him by the balls
Dany was a dragon girl
She’s unburnt but not the Khals
160513
160513
What can brown do for you?
Something big is on the way
Hopefully it comes today
I’ve been planning for a while
Thinking ’bout it makes me smile
It’s arrival is not swift
Do not want to rush this gift
Trying not to strain or push
‘Cause I have a touchy tush
160506
160506
I can’t live without her
Jean is away – she’s gone for work
I stumble ’round like a big jerk
The dogs are dead, cat ran away
She has been gone for one whole day
We’re out of food and no clean clothes
I showered with the garden hose
The house burned down at half past noon
I really hope she comes back soon
160502
160502
I should masticate more
If you are squeamish, I must warn
I’m going to write about poo corn
It’s always there, it never leaves
Just seeing it gives me dry heaves
I’m not a dope, I’m not a fool
I don’t know why corn stays in stool
It starts it’s life grown on an ear
And ends up coming our your rear
160429
160429
#PlayMoreGames #InternationalTabletopDay
Tabletop day is Saturday
Break out the games, and let’s all play
Tell Cliff that you have wood for sheep
Nick gains money during upkeep
With purple trains, Jon makes the route
Gregg’s a Cylon, there is no doubt
Tom’s in Essen to find a cure
Luke has the King, I know for sure
If none of this makes any sense
Go play a game, they’re so intense
Maybe you’ll win or make a friend
You’ll find the fun will never end
160427
160427
We’re all better without Trump
I’m all out of fucks
I don’t care about Trump
I know he’s a mess and has been for so long
I’m all out of fucks
I’m better without Trump
It’s never too late to see that he is so wrong
160425
160425
Congrats mom & dad!
When getting hitched you say, “I do”
It’s easy too, when it’s brand new
While some succeed, way more do fail
Till death seems like a fairytale
My parents did what most cannot
They meant it when they tied the knot
So raise a glass, and give three cheers
They celebrated fifty years!!!
160422
160422
I hope he’s laughing in the purple rain
Delirious, Controversy,
Take me with U, Let’s Go Crazy,
Purple Rain, Erotic City
Soft and Wet and Darling Nikki
From Hollywood to Paisley Park
On pop music, Prince left his mark
Oh purple one, we say goodbye
And now it’s more than doves that cry
160420
160420
He should have got high
24 states think pot’s legit
The other states are full of shit
Tricky Dick said there’s no good use
The war on drugs needs a toke truce
Just think of what the states could do
With all that weed tax revenue
It should be dropped from number one
For patient use or just for fun
160418
160418
#TaxDay
#HeartAttacksDay
Today is about income tax
I’m sure it causes heart attacks
It’s nice to get a big refund
But when you owe you may be stunned
These AGI’s and 1040’s
Can bring a man down to his knees
There’s nothing like the pain and stress
Of dealing with the IRS
160415
160415
Pull my finger
I’m looking through my works of art
It’s clear I’ve spoken from my heart
Some are stupid, and some are smart
But the best ones all mention fart