171223

171223
Or whatever you celebrate

Happy Holidays
Merry Christmas – peace to all
And Happy New Year

171220

171220
All for me!

When I’m longing for Jean’s presence
I go shopping and buy presents
Just for me and not for sharing
I am great at my self caring

171206

171206
Or maybe the next day

Hard to be festive and merry
When the world is fucking scary
Though there’s pain and utter sorrow
I will be cheery tomorrow

171202

171202
My favorite time of year

Tree and lights are up
Shopping and parties begin
Christmastime is here

161223

161223
My Christmas Hanukkah Kwanzaa wish too

I have one wish this Festivus
For Jean to be as well as us
Maybe more well than Dave the drunk
His muddled head’s missing a chunk
And way better than fatso Fred
He’s one donut away from dead
And don’t forget ol’ smelly Sue
She stinks worse than a pile of poo
My wish for Jean this Festivus –
Better health than the rest of us!

161216

161216
A real prequel

I can’t wait to see Rogue One!
Ready for some Star Wars fun
Keeping with the Christmas cheer
You will get no spoilers here!

161214

161214
Spirits for the Xmas spirit

Drinking at the Christmas party
Diet cola and Bacardi
Ate a rib eye that was yummy
So much goodness in my tummy
Then came time to exchange presents
I gave dollars; they gave ten cents
Left the party as it ended
Kind of glad that I attended

161209

161209
X-mas will be blue this year

Why do I always cry?
Constant tear drops in my eye
I do fear lack of cheer
Will be commonplace this year

161205

161205
Christmastime in our bungalow

Bundled up like an Eskimo
Warming hands with some hot cocoa
Christmas songs on the radio
Jingle Bells in my falsetto
Kissing Jean under mistletoe
That is how every day should go

161125

161125
Maximize lights per square inch

To brighten up this shitty year
I hung the lights upon our tree
This early start on Christmas cheer
Helps change my mood from gloom to glee

151225

151225
Tiny Tim like Xmas poem

I have no time
To make a rhyme
I hope those deer
Are warm and near

151223

151223
Airing of grievances

Birthday for Christ
Gifts overpriced
The rest of us
Have Festivus

151221

151221
Return of the spoilers

Star Wars fans got Christmas early
The new Jedi’s kind of girlie
The Falcon and Luke’s lightsaber
Made me cheer and nudge my neighbor
Han and Chewie shooting bad guys
I won’t spoil the biggest surprise
From Finn to Poe to BB-8
I think the movie’s pretty great

151127

151127
That’s how I want the game to be

On Saturday ’bout half past three
As Sark sips his peach daiquiri
There’ll be a Bruin victory
Another loss for ol’ $c
That will beget malicious glee
I’d put that ‘neath our christmas tree

151109

151109
There’s no war on Christmas

Excessive fuss for a red cup
Those noisemakers should just shut up
When it’s a solo filled with beer
There are no gripes ’bout Christmas cheer
They whine and moan; it’s so misplaced
That energy is such a waste
They worry ’bout coffee that’s spiced
When they don’t ever act like Christ

150105

150105
Still time to be resolute

The lights are gone, the tree is down
Can’t spend the day in a nightgown
It’s back to the same old routine
Unless you’re a king or a queen
It’s back to work or back to school
No more time to act like a fool
Get off the couch, put down the beer
Let’s exercise in the new year!

141225

141225
Merry Christmas from sunny California

I gave myself a gift this year
I didn’t drink a keg of beer
I didn’t buy a box of games
I didn’t dance with dusky dames
I didn’t buy a brand new car
I didn’t travel to a star
I didn’t buy a motorbike
I gave myself a Christmas hike

141223

141223
Don’t rain blows upon him

Christmas Eve Eve is Festivus
Party time for the rest of us
If you’re with thousands at the mall
Trying to find your son a doll
Those feats of strength would cause despair
You would have grievances to air
Don’t worry ’bout that lump of coal
Just do like us and raise the pole

141219

141219
Gotta take a Kim Jung-Un

When I think of my Sweetie Pea
It’s like I’m on a tranquil sea
When I think of the holidays
My wallet needs a big fat raise
When I think of my dearest friends
To me they prove that they’re all tens
When I think of North Korea
I suffer from diarrhea

141217

141217
Season’s greetings from Arkham

Oh Cthulhu, Oh Cthulhu!
Thy tentacles are moving
Oh Cthulhu, Oh Cthulhu!
Thy tentacles are moving
Your green appendages are near,
You bring about such dread and fear
Oh Cthulhu, Oh Cthulhu!
Thy tentacles are moving!

141215

141215
Flat tire fairy came twice

Another flat tire
There goes my entire
Christmas fund
With only fifty cents
I cannot buy presents
I’ll be shunned
Nothing for my family
No gifts under the tree
Or in socks
Though my wallet is lean
Doesn’t matter to Jean
My wife rocks

141207

141207
It’s beginning to look a lot like Santa Maria

There is a cute house on East Cook Street
There ain’t no sugar, but it looks sweet
A buck, doe and fawn
Decorate the lawn
And lights on the roof that look real neat

1225

1225
Did you get it?

Did you get a Barbie doll?
Did you get a basketball?
Did you get a brand new car?
Did you get a steel guitar?
Did you get that fun new game?
Did you get a picture frame?
Did you get a gold iPhone?
Did you get some sweet cologne?
Did you get the xbox one?
Did you get a BB gun?
Did you get a racing bike?
Did you get that thing you like?
Did you get a choo choo train?
Did you get a golden chain?
Did you get a chia pet?
Did you get a clarinet?
As we eat our Christmas spread
Think of those without a bed
There are folks that just want life
For their brother or their wife
There are kids out in the street
Looking for a scrap to eat
Is there something you can do
To help make these dreams come true?

1224

1224
Happy holidays haiku

On this Christmas Eve
We’re driving far to be close
Happy holidays!

1222

1222
And to all a good night!

A Visit from St. Nicholas
By Clement Clarke Moore

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave a lustre of midday to objects below,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny rein-deer,
With a little old driver so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment he must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
“Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on, Cupid! on, Donder and Blixen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”
As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So up to the housetop the coursers they flew
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too—
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a pedler just opening his pack.
His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly
That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight—
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

1218

1218
All that and a chili dog too

Tonight is our Christmas soiree
For the folks I work with all day
It’s over in Oceano
To see a variety show
With all the popcorn we can eat
This X-mas party won’t be beat

1216

1216
If Jesus were brown, and Santa was black
Megyn Kelly would have a heart attack

I’m dreaming of a brown Jesus
Just like the man from Bethlehem
Megyn Kelly thinks it’s needless
If he’s not white, she would condemn
I’m dreaming of a Black Santa
With every poem that I write
He’s bringing gifts to Atlanta
But Megyn thinks that isn’t right
May you get a gift from his sack
And may all your Santas be black

1209

1209
Best one until next year

I don’t think I will ever see
A better looking Christmas tree
The ornaments that mean so much
Look at Tiny Tim with his crutch
And there’s Homer as Mr. Plow
And Spider-Man’s on the top bough
Santa’s there with a twinkling light
It’s perfect for this chilly night

1206

1206
Sorry can’t reach my pocket

Christmas time is here
Do you have the cheer?
And by cheer I meant
Please give your last cent
To the most greedy
Rather than needy

1026

1026
Pathfinder Adventure Card Game rules

There once was a girl named Seoni
Who recharged her spells quite easily
When faced with a foe
She sets them aglow
And lights them up like a Christmas Tree

0902

0902
Though it’ll be hot ’til Halloween

Labor Day, the end of summer
Work tomorrow, what a bummer
Today is swimming in the pool
Tomorrow going back to school
Today is hanging with good friends
Tomorrow summer vacay ends
Don’t become a Summer mourner
Christmas is around the corner

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