140417
Or whooping cough, or asthma, or …
If I do not stop coughin’
I’ll end up in a coffin
Though I hack, I do not sneeze
My doctor says it’s allergies
I don’t think it’s hay fever
But it’s not a cold neither
I don’t know what’s wrong with me
I just hope it’s not TB
140415
There’s a dog and a fish and a cat in my hat
There’s a doggy on her bed
Sitting with her empty head
There’s a kitty on a box
Filled with underwears and socks
There’s a fishy in his bowl
Glad he’s not a sushi roll
Now it’s time to feed out pets
Beats a visit to the vets
They’re still fun though hardly new
Raven, Linc and Ziggy too
140413
I like Jean’s butt and I cannot lie
It’s my mission – my duty
To illustrate your beauty
You’re a cutie patootie
With a very fine booty
I am extremely lucky
To call you my Sweetie Pea
My love to the nth degree
You are everything to me
140411
That’s so Junior High
I’m the kind of guy
Who loves to eat pie
I wish I could buy
An endless supply
But when they are dry
I suddenly cry
With tears in my eye
I wipe them and sigh
I cannot deny
This is not a lie
As George says, “Oh my!”
140409
Please share #StickPersonPoetry
I think I’m hilarious
Because of the various
Things that I post
I might be delusional
I know I’m unusual
This is no boast
I really would like to get
Some fame on the internet
From coast to coast
It would mean a lot to me
To share my dumb poetry
You’d be the most!
140407
Motivational poetry
If you fear the reaper knocking
Get out there and do some walking
Not only will it clear your head
It may put off you being dead
140405
#NippleSlipDay
Forbidden Island and What the Food?!
And Monty Python Fluxx – it’s all good
Somebody wore clothes a bit risqué
We played more games at #tabletopday
140403
Time for a change?
How long do you stay the course?
Should you back a losing horse?
When should you abandon ship?
How long do you keep your grip?
Are you just a whipping post?
When should you give up the ghost?
Is this tunnel a dead end?
Will the damage ever mend?
140401
But I do root for the Angels
I’ve been the butt of many jokes
But I won’t fall for any hoax
I don’t belong to a think tank
But you’ll still find me hard to prank
I’ve never been a master sleuth
But I won’t believe your untruth
I’ve been a nerd since grammar school
But I am not the April Fool
140331
I don’t care if I never get back
All across the US of A
From Seattle to Tampa Bay
From San Diego to St. Paul
It’s opening day for baseball
Through fall and winter I did mope
But opening day brings new hope
‘Cause when the home team takes the field
Last year’s suffering is all healed
I got my glove; I got my hat
My favorite player is at bat
Will he hit it over the wall?
Let’s find out, it’s time to play ball!
140329
This should take the cake
A little earthquake
Will keep you awake
The ground starts to shake
And things start to break
You’ll get a head ache
It feels like a snake
Is eating brain steak
Oh for goodness sake!
What sense does that make?
140325
Black holes CNN?!?
My brain cannot contain
This unending refrain
About the missing plane
The media campaign
Is borderline profane
I want to have free rein
To administer pain
To the anchors most vain
Hitched to this gravy train
And those who are inane
Who have something to gain
From info they obtain
It’s downright inhumane
That they try to maintain
And keep open the vein
For those feeling the pain
While their hope starts to wane
It’s making me insane
140323
Damn that’s exhausting
We say goodbye to Mary Drive
At out new house we did arrive
It took three days to move a mile
I hope it proves to be worthwhile
Moving all of the odds and ends
Would not have happened without friends
I’ll get back to all my slacking
As soon as I’m done unpacking
140321
I hate haters
There once was a man from Westboro
His dislike of gays was most thorough
By saying God hates
He opened debates
And gays made him look like a burro
140319
Feel the wrath of my poetry!
You want me to have urgency
When it’s your damn emergency?
It’s your fault there was a mistake
So I will not give you a break
You figure out how to make good
For I have done all that I should
If you don’t like this third degree
Next time you should listen to me!
140317
Paddy O’Downer
It happens every year
Wannabes drink green beer
Eat cabbage and corned beefs
Think shamrocks have four leafs
I don’t want to be mean
But simply wearing green
And acting childish
Doesn’t make you Irish
140315
Is it magic or tragic?
A green glitter unicorn
Standing With a broken horn
On a shelf, sad and forlorn
Wishing it was never born
140313
In the zompocalypse I want to be dead last
Ya gotta keep pace
Or you’ll lose the race
Ya gotta go slow
Or you’ll miss the show
Ya gotta move quick
Or you’ll fail the trick
Ya gotta stay loose
Or you’ll spill your juice
Ya gotta be fast
Or you’ll be dead last
The last to be dead
Still wins by a head
140311
Barack was friggin’ funny
Obama went on Between Two Ferns
And roasted Zach with some major burns
He put up with Zach’s jokes and blank stare
To help promote his Obamacare
If more young adults will get insured
It will be worth all that he endured
140309
You can’t be down when you’re going up
If exercise is what you like
Perhaps you should go take a hike
It’s good for your constitution
To get away from pollution
A good workout without a doubt
Is going on a walkabout
In order to be fit and hale
Lace up your boots and hit the trail!
140307
At least it wasn’t potato bug
Jean just saw a spider
It skittered beside her
Though it didn’t hurt her
She asked me to murder
The huge hairy spider
That skittered beside her
I stomped on its body
And dropped it in potty
In the death triple crown
The spider got flushed down
A warning to spiders
They should stay outsiders
140305
Do priests give up wine for lent?
Today is the first day of lent
It’s marked by a smudging event
A priest rubs some dirt on your head
So you look like the walking dead
And then you’re expected to quit
Something that you like for a bit
The best part of this canon law
Is partying on Mardi Gras
I wonder if celibate monks
Are jealous of church approved drunks
140303
A mighty howl awoo awoooo!
If you keep your eyeballs peeled
While scanning an open field
Looking past the tribe of goat
You might spot the lone coyote
He looks back to your delight
As he slinks out of your sight
140301
It came quickly
This so-called storms was incomplete
It rained enough to flood the street
It washed my car and soaked our lawn
But quick as it came, It was gone
140227
Good grub great guys
It is National Chili Day
So spend it in a special way
My favorite place to go is Tom’s
They put hair on your chest and palms
They serve iced tea from a bottle
And talk comics with a model
Don’t be scared ’cause their skin is brown
Tom’s Take-out is the best in town
140225
Who you gonna call?
There was a Ghostbuster named Egon
Who knew how to contain a hell spawn
With particle beams
You don’t cross the streams
But he did, and now he has passed on
140223
Not McDreamy
or McSteamy
but unseemly
From the hairs inside my noes
To the claws upon my toes
I’m as round as a trash can
But I’m hot, ’cause I’m a man
140221
Now on kickstarter!
The perfect game for a geek date
Is Cosmic Wombat’s Stones of Fate
Easy to play and quick to learn
Leaves time to flirt during your turn
There’s wands and swords and cups and coins
And artwork that might thrill your loins
It’s made by my friend Luke Laurie
And tests your skills and memory
To win a card, you place your stones
Then flip the card, and check the zones
If you play games with your soul mate
Then you should try the Stones of Fate
140219
We found our home!
Our house, our house, we sold our house!
We were homeless, me and my spouse
And house hunting can be scary
So we called on our friend Mary
Through many listings we did comb
Until we found the perfect home!
140217
And not one eye was lost
The game con was fun by golly
I playtested with Tom Jolly
In Dreadwood Luke did desecrate
Jeff demonstrated Stones of Fate
After I Rolled Through the Ages
I saw warriors and mages
In Caverna my dwarves explored
Then I bought games I could afford
We got home before it was dawn
Another successful Orccon!
