Category: Ridiculous Rhymes

170407

170407
War, huh, yeah

Those children need help not war
But Jizztrumpet slammed the door
Missiles flying through the air
Where they land he does not care
White men watch in the West Wing
Putin pulls his puppet’s string

From Spring to Summer into Fall
The ump can’t wait to scream “Play ball!”
I got my glove, I got my hat
The whole crowd roars – Mike Trout’s at bat
The count is full, so is my hope
If Angels lose, I’ll cuss and mope
But if they win, I’ll beam and glow
I’ll light up like the big halo!
‘Cause win or lose, we know the score
161 games more

170331

170331
Go! Go Ed!! Go!!!

Edgar’s got a bike to ride
From the bay to the Westside
Powered by his strength and smiles
He will ride 500 miles
Climbing up and down the grades
All to bring an end to AIDS

170324

170324
#TheArtOfTheFail

I should not laugh, I should not gloat
But Trump is on a sinking boat
There’s so much chaos on the hill
He cannot pass his new health bill
Repeal-Replace has gone nowhere
So we still have Obamacare
The swamp is streaming through the breach
It’s “when” not “if” we should impeach

170322

170322
We’re the best! Yes we are!

We are feeble-minded folks
Every night, the same dumb jokes
We think that we’re such a hoot
Simple, but at least we’re cute

170320

170320
Hit me with your best shart!

The last few days have not been great
For bathroom trips I vacillate
Between the squirts and smelly farts
My TP use is off the charts
And now I trust my flatulence
About as much as Trump and Pence
Another cramp, so here I sit
I cannot wait for solid shit

170317

170317
Throat punch for Patty

Every Irish lass and laddie
Knows today is all for Paddy
From Clonmel to Cincinnati
They’ll punch you if you say Patty

170315

170315
I’m a leprechaun artist

St. Paddy’s day – you can’t escape
Just two more days to get in shape
You’ll eat and drink till you’re a sphere
But please don’t drink green, fucking beer

170313

170313
Somebody’s watching Jizztrumpet

Land of the free; home of the brave
But spies live in your microwave
Oh purple mountain majesty
Team 45’s a travesty

170308

170308
#DayWithoutAWoman

A day without a woman
Would seem to be inhuman
No women means no living
There would be no hug giving
No mothers making dinner
Or being the breadwinner
Make sure you thank a female
By bringing her a cocktail

170306

170306
Scariest Poe poem ever

Grabbing pussies makes me cheery, while Steve Bannon sits there bleary
Kellyanne was cleaning puddles sprinkled over my golden floor
While I tweeted, close to crapping, suddenly there came a slapping,
As if Putin fiercely fapping, fapping on my golden floor.
“‘Tis Obama! Wire tapping, tapping on my golden floor-
He is sick and so much more!”

170303

170303
The play’s the thing

We had a real good day
We went to see a play
We had a real good night
We got a tasty bite
Into our bed we creep
It’s time to go to sleep

170301

170301
Sacrifice? Or getting ready for summer?

If you have an ashen smudge
And you’ve given up sweet fudge
‘Cause your goal is losing pudge
Do you think your god will judge?

170224

170224
Freshen up with Putin Pourri

He blocked the news, he’s crossed the line
His every move is asinine
He builds a wall to bring jobs back
“Protecting us from an attack”
He hates muslims, he hates the gays
He’ll bring about the end of days
We can’t believe a word he speaks
He’s done all this in just five weeks

170222

170222
Share that shit!

Are you providing new content
Or hoping memes show your dissent?
If all you do is click on share
I question if you really care
Don’t simply share, please add your thoughts
Help simpletons connect the dots
And one last thing I beg of you
If you do share, share my shit too!

170217

170217
I cunt believe it

At work on Friday
No work on Monday
Is it wrong to say
See you next Tuesday?

170215

170215
This is treason, I’m not teasin’

Most would say it stands to reason
What Flynn did was surely treason
Now our Congress needs to squeeze in
This before impeachment season

170213

170213
Share this with your valentine

I love pizza, I love steak
I love spooning while we wake
I love boardgames, I love books
I love sharing our outlooks
I love cider, I love wine
I love that you’re genuine
I love everything we do
I love everyday with you

170210

170210
Eat, poo, love

Fuffle had one job to do
And she did it well enough
Tumors changed to truffle poo
Made this journey not so tough

170206

170206
Inspired by Peter Paul & Mary

Fuffle the Dragon will get you cancer free
So you can live a happy life and be a Sweetie Pea
Little Jeannie wore her on a silver chain
So she could do the normal stuff free from all that pain

170201

170201
Make beer, not war

If you like beer and board games too
Then you should Kickstart Dragon Brew
You choose your favorite mythic race
Then draft some cards and worker place
It’s fun to play and not a chore
So back it to “Make Beer, Not War!”

170130

170130
I must insist that you #RESIST

When he institutes a ban
We must do all that we can
To #RESIST his evil ways
From right now till end of days

170127

170127
Make America pay again and again

Mr. Jizztrumpty built a big wall
Mexico was to pay for it all
All of our imports would now face a tax
To place the price tag on American backs

170123

170123
0 days without a lie

A lie is a lie is a lie
And this one is too big to buy
Don’t tell me I need to relax
Stop calling it alternate facts
Newspeak is always rejected
Alt facts are always corrected
If we cannot trust every word
We’ll flush you like a hairy turd

170118

170118
I’m not crying! You’re crying!

We say goodbye to 44
We’d like to have at least four more
The good he did, he’d do again
As leaders go, he is a ten
But now it’s time for him to go
And when he’s gone, we’ll miss him so
We say this with the best intent
You’ll always be our president

170116

170116
Will we ever wake up?

I had a dream, but it’s over
Deceased like that dead dog Rover
The Jizztrumpet’s Russian affair
Will soon be our noxious nightmare

170113

170113
Next Friday is scarier than Jason

Friday night and I got money
So it’s date night with my honey
Head to Red Box then to take-out
Hoping that we get to make-out
But this Friday is a thirteen
And our nice night ended up mean
Movies and the food were sucky
So we didn’t get too lucky
While this evening seemed to be cursed
Next Friday will surely be worse