1224
Happy holidays haiku
On this Christmas Eve
We’re driving far to be close
Happy holidays!
1223
It’s a Festivus miracle
December 23rd is Festivus
It’s a holiday for the rest of us
If diminished distractions are your goal
No tinsel on your aluminum pole
If disappointed, grievances can air
Tell them how you feel like you just don’t care
Meatloaf is the traditional dinner
The Feats of Strength need to have a winner
If no one pins the head of the household
Festivus continues for time untold
1222
And to all a good night!
A Visit from St. Nicholas
By Clement Clarke Moore
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave a lustre of midday to objects below,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny rein-deer,
With a little old driver so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment he must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
“Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on, Cupid! on, Donder and Blixen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”
As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So up to the housetop the coursers they flew
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too—
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a pedler just opening his pack.
His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly
That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight—
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”
1221
Reason to play coop
Playing the same game is repetitive
But I don’t like to be competitive
Remember, winning isn’t everything
But it’s certainly better than losing
I don’t want to be contradictory
I’d rather we all enjoy victory
1219
At least nobody was surprised
A rednecked hillbilly
From dynasty of ducks
Thinks butt sex is silly
And costs himself some bucks
“Jim Crow made blacks happy”
He said ignorantly
If he’s the clan’s pappy
How dumb is his family?
1218
All that and a chili dog too
Tonight is our Christmas soiree
For the folks I work with all day
It’s over in Oceano
To see a variety show
With all the popcorn we can eat
This X-mas party won’t be beat
1217
Smaug’s jealous of my wealth
By the time you read this
I’ll have won the jackpot
There’s no way I can miss
This isn’t a longshot
There’s no way I can lose
I’m counting my riches
I’m the next Howard Hughes
Half a billion bitches!
1216
If Jesus were brown, and Santa was black
Megyn Kelly would have a heart attack
I’m dreaming of a brown Jesus
Just like the man from Bethlehem
Megyn Kelly thinks it’s needless
If he’s not white, she would condemn
I’m dreaming of a Black Santa
With every poem that I write
He’s bringing gifts to Atlanta
But Megyn thinks that isn’t right
May you get a gift from his sack
And may all your Santas be black
1215
The Smaug affair and back again
The Road Goes Ever On
By J.R.R. Tolkien
Roads go ever ever on,
Over rock and under tree,
By caves where never sun has shone,
By streams that never find the sea;
Over snow by winter sown,
And through the merry flowers of June,
Over grass and over stone,
And under mountains of the moon.
Roads go ever ever on
Under cloud and under star,
Yet feet that wandering have gone
Turn at last to home afar.
Eyes that fire and sword have seen
And horror in the halls of stone
Look at last on meadows green
And trees and hills they long have known.
1214
I’m in tune
Right in tune
Friends played at a local cafe
Music on a Saturday night
Tunes were good, the tea was okay
The company was out of sight
1213
I’m attacking the darkness
There once was a wizard named Ezren
Who never said “god bless” or “amen”
When magic was found
He would turn around
And explore each location again
1212
12/12/09 Mr. & Mrs. Geraghty
It was four years ago
Beneath the neon glow
Of a near-freezing sign
We became yours and mine
Your friends joined my wolf pack
We have each other’s back
The best day of my life
When you became my wife
I’ll fix it whatever
I’ll follow wherever
I’ll do it whenever
I’ll love you forever
1211
Wheaton’s Law @wilw
Here are some rules for a good life
When leaving the house, kiss your wife
Don’t put other’s down out of spite
Do what you can to stop a fight
When eating chips, don’t double dip
You should always leave a nice tip
Don’t cut in line or steal a space
Your life’s a journey not a race
Don’t ever call a girl a chick
Above all else – don’t be a dick
1210
Who else could I be?
I don’t want to be
Like everybody
Not run-of-the-mill
Nor mentally ill
I want to be rare
Without any care
Upbeat and unique
Not lacking mystique
I want to be me
Except differently
1209
Best one until next year
I don’t think I will ever see
A better looking Christmas tree
The ornaments that mean so much
Look at Tiny Tim with his crutch
And there’s Homer as Mr. Plow
And Spider-Man’s on the top bough
Santa’s there with a twinkling light
It’s perfect for this chilly night
1208
I imagine he’s right
Imagine
By John Lennon
Imagine there’s no heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today…
Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace…
You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world…
You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will live as one
1207
Pearl Harbor haiku
They attacked at dawn
Three hundred zeroes flying
Thousands of lives lost
1206
Sorry can’t reach my pocket
Christmas time is here
Do you have the cheer?
And by cheer I meant
Please give your last cent
To the most greedy
Rather than needy
1205
Stop clownin’ around
“Keep your burgers, keep your fries,
make our wages supersize”
Fast food workers want more pay
They use food stamps everyday
So the fry cooks strike and rant
But their bosses say they can’t
If they paid a living wage
It would end this Gilded Age
1204
Gadot is no Carter
“Wonder Woman is too skinny
Though she looks good in a mini”
Fanboys are antagonistic
They are never realistic
They’re as fun as a root canal
But they hope Zack picked the right Gal
1203
Death Valley days
“Don’t feed the animals”, they said
If you do they’ll soon be dead
But it was just a bit of bread
And so the coyote we fed
1202
How will returns work?
Amazon.com may use drones
To deliver books and iphones
This Cyber Monday would be good
To test this in my neighborhood
I wonder what they could bring me
I’d start with a Joshua Tree
Then they’d bring a whiskey sour
To my house within an hour
I’d love to get a sloppy joe
In 45 minutes or so
These drones have possibilities
To those with disabilities
Will this power be used for good
Or will it be misunderstood?
Either way is okay with me
As long as shipping is still free
1201
To the blue and to the gold
Hail to the hills of Westwood,
To the mighty sea below;
Hail to our Alma Mater,
She will conquer every foe.
For we’re loyal to the Southland,
Her honor we’ll uphold;
We’ll gladly give our hearts to thee,
To the Blue and to the Gold.
1130
35-14! ‘Nuff said!
The UCLA Bruins
Left the Trojans in ruins
Scores from Vanderdoes and Jack
Started the Bruin attack
Brett Hundley ran in two more
Then Perkins added a score
Jim Mora is 2-for-2
Congrats to the boys in blue
UCLA keeps the bell
U$c can go to hell
1129
Hail to the hills of Westwood
I love Joe Bruin, so of course
I don’t like Tommy or his horse
Another thing I just can’t stand
I really hate the Trojan band
The goose stepping and sunglasses
Make them look like total asses
Fight On and Conquest get so old
The best band wears the blue and gold
1127
Where was the horse?!?
There once was a Trojan named Tommy
Who had a weird thing for his mommy
They played hide and seek
At least twice a week
And what they hid was his salami
1126
Burn Tommy burn
The Bruins of UCLA
Are gearing up for Saturday
The Trojans are their greatest foe
They hate each other even though
They might be sister or brother
Or live next door to each other
So they build a giant tower
That will make the Trojans cower
Then they will set it on fire
And make the Trojans perspire
When the Bruins win on game day
They’ll be the best team in LA
1125
Beat the brain $urgeons
The once was a boy from U$C
Who wasn’t as bright as you or me
But son of a bitch
His parents were rich
So he still got a master’s degree