190114
They don’t like Mondays
Linc is yelling and screaming and shouting
Brownie Bear wants a walk and is pouting
It’s my first day off in so many weeks
But my night is shot because of these freaks
Category: Ridiculous Rhymes
190111
190111
Dog and catnap
I found some time to take a nap
Dog on my left, cat in my lap
I have been on a busy streak
Fastest five minutes of the week
190107
190107
Goin’ to Mayo
I’m on my way to wild Mayo
Where only silly people go
You cannot get there on a train
So getting there can be a pain
You cannot drive there in a car
I tried it once, but it’s too far
You cannot get there on a bike
That isn’t true, but it’s a hike
You cannot get there in a boat
Such choppy waves, it’s hard to float
The only place on this great sphere
You cannot go to there from here
190102
190102
Crappy New Year
Some years start off with a bang
Drinking champagne with the gang
Others start off kind of slow
Clean forgot by all you know
Being sick removes all cheer
When you have been sick all year
181231
181231
Hello, goodbye
Hey 18 – so long, farewell
You weren’t great, but you weren’t hell
Hey 19 – welcome, hello
Make us slim, and give us dough!
181224
181224
Happy Xmas 2018!
I wish all days were Christmas Eve
The time of year when we believe
That someday we’ll get peace on earth
And everyone is full of mirth
When kitchens are chock-full of food
And Christmas punch can fix your mood
There’s so much fun, no one will leave
I wish all days were Christmas Eve
181217
181217
That might be their plan
When I am sick, my pets don’t care
I need to walk my Brownie Bear
And Linc will yell until he’s fed
They’ll eat my corpse when I am dead
181212
181212 Ninth anniversary
When sweetie pea was by my side
We’d often laugh until we cried
It was with overwhelming pride
That she said yes to be my bride
181210
181210
No shit!
When you need to number two
You can push until you’re blue
But no matter what you do
Still does not produce a poo
181205
181205
Twinkle twinkle little Linc
I thought I got the tree for me
But little Linc thinks differently
A star should sit upon the peak
But that’s where Linc decides to sneak
181203
181203
Backing up to the cloud
Sweetie Pea – with me forever
Memories will hit whenever
Day or night – in any weather
So much joy we had together
Our fun scale went to eleven
Hand in hand that was our heaven
Every day I go and find her
And enjoy each sweet reminder
181126
181126
Disorder at the border
Once more Jizztrumpet is an ass
He authorized the use of gas
Good people shout and scream and cuss
That gas brings tears to all of us
Like Hitler this will not end well
Jizztrumpet you can go to hell!
181119
181119
A rake of shit
The Jizztrumpet rakes up the leaves
His fucking face gives me dry heaves
With Putin, Foster, Pence and May
I wish they all would blow away
181114
181114
Excuse me, do I have something in my teeth?
So many sounds had come before
But my heart has been silent after
I’d give my ear to hear once more
The jubilation of Jean’s laughter
181112
181112
HB Mr. B
Today could be chucked in a bin
A grounded plane with damaged skin
Another plane but had to wait
I missed the bus ’cause we were late
Then had to stand out in the cold
All the delays had gotten old
And traffic as we got to Naas
We crawled along at a snail’s pace
Then at long last, I made it home
And quickly bought Glory to Rome
‘Cause Tony said to this weekend
And I obey my foul-mouthed friend
181107
181107
More like a blue ripple
Here is my note to voting Yanks
You passed the test, so here’s my thanks
The Senate makes me want to cuss
So all you get is a C+
181105
181105
Autumn got him!
While walking through the town
The beauty’s all around
The leaves are falling down
And scattered on the ground
The orange and the brown
Mere mortals are spellbound
181031
181031
Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch Me
While I’m handing out the candy
Rocky Horror makes me randy
Sweets and treats for all the kiddies
As I stare at Janet’s titties
181024
181024
Everyone there is so happy to be there
Soon I will be there in Essen
Queueing for a board game lesson
Richard, Tony, Matt and Uwe
Will show we their new games to play
Blackout: Hong Kong, Carpe Diem
I will buy ’em when I see ’em
So much playing and more buying
Pretty sure my wallet’s crying
181022
181022
It might help
The States are not United
And Britain isn’t Great
The world is more divided
So, I’ll just masturbate
181017
181017
Slán Abhaile
A visit from my old pal Scott
And he is here with Lana too
I’ve shown them all Kilkenny’s got
But now they have to bid adieu
181010
181010
My vision vault is never blank
I know I’m prone to being frank
If TMI, give me a spank
But there are times when this old Yank
Has visions saved up in my bank
Of past lovers I’d like to thank
Or boobies squeezed into a tank
And when my engine’s set to crank
I give myself a blissful wank
181008
181008
Good grief!
There is a grief that I don’t mind
The kind you give won’t be declined
The kind I have is not OK
I want to give it all away
181003
181003
Every word is insincere
Lifetime judge his dream career
And he really likes his beer
He’s unhinged that is quite clear
She has lived a life of fear
Jizztrumpet will taunt and jeer
Rabid fans did clap and cheer
When will this all disappear?
Hope he chokes on his next beer
181001
181001
There’s a light in the darkness of everybody’s life
I get in bed, turn off the light
And miss the things we did at night
I miss the cuddles and the spoons
So I turn on her favorite tunes
The sound of music in my ears
Helps to reduce the constant tears
I cannot sleep, try as I might
I’m not ok, but I’m alright
180926
180926
They enjoyed Kilkenny
Vacation for my mom and dad
A splendid trip I hope they had
We ate and drank and had the craic
They went to Mayo and came back
We toured Kilkenny without rain
But now they’re leaving on a plane
Until I see them in twelve weeks
Ignore the tear stains on my cheeks
180919
180919
Toad is a dick!
Raphael has a pointy sai
Captain Mal has a Firefly
GI Joe has a kung fu grip
Jizztrumpet has a mushroom tip
Ms Pac-Man has a cute hair bow
These are things that I can’t unknow
180917
180917
I quite wish they would quit and be quiet
I don’t like the shouting
It causes self-doubting
The fighting and screaming
Is far from redeeming
Step back from the violence
And enjoy the silence
180910
180910
Happy birthday Roberta Marie Geraghty!!!
The day before my mom was twenty
She had two sons, and that was plenty
Tom was the first, and I was second
That should have been enough I reckon
But six years later came another
It was young James my baby brother
With help from dad, my dearest mommy
Took care of Jamie, Sean and Tommy
She is the best mom on the planet!
Disagree, and I’ll fight you dammit!
180905
180905
The gift that keeps giving
Another journey ‘round the sun
Another year of joy and fun
Another trip with plans to make
Another candle on your cake
Another chance to get your kicks
Another person drawn with sticks
Another post that’s so sublime
Another silly birthday rhyme
180903
180903
50 years 360 days
Soon year fifty will be no more
I’ll add a one to my age score
This crazy span is almost done
And then I will be fifty-one