220920
50 first dates at 50
When you get to 50
Dating ain’t so nifty
All this endless dating
Made me end up hating
The whole dating process
So I cut my losses
Now, instead of dating
I’m home masturbating
Tag: Wank
Poems and/or Drawings about masturbation, wanking, jerking off, jacking off, wacking off, pulling off, beating off, fist fucking, wanking, beating your meat, flogging your dong, pounding your pud, bleeding your weed, wringing out your rope, stroking it, giving it a tug, beating the Bishop, choking the chicken, waxing the dolphin, wrestling the eel, spanking the frank, paddling the pickle, jerkin’ the gherkin, punishing percy in your palm, shootin’ putty at the moon, and/or pocket pool.
220103
220103
So many options
As a yank
Should I wank
Till there’s nothing in the tank?
Or
As a mick
Should I flick
Rapidly upon my dick?
Or
As a chap
Should I slap
My salami and then nap?
211103
211103
Knackered in Kilkenny
I went and joined Tinder and Bumble
So my self confidence could crumble
I thought I’d be a master dater
Instead I’m still a masturbater
210618
210618
A yankee is a quickie when you’re alone
This dork who would cheer for the Yankees
Would fill all his pockets with hankies
When there was no doubt
He’d whip a cloth out
And celebrate with a few wankees
210616
210616
It’s a win-wank
I want to travel since I can
But lack of money stops that plan
I have few skills for making bank
But I’m a pro at wink and wank
This talent solves my money plans
I’m gonna start an OnlyFans
210614
210614
Covid tunnel syndrome
After months of isolation
My fertile imagination
And futile infatuation
Leads to frequent masturbation
200515
200515
That sore on his lip was a canker
This fella from Cork was a banker
He got a tattoo of an anchor
He thought it was cool
But that fucking fool
His mom told him – “You’re still a wanker!”
200318
200318
We got this or else we’ll get that
I stay home to be complying
It ain’t great, but it beats dying
Keeping up my social distance
To continue this existence
Tons to do in isolation
Solo games and masturbation
Reading books and fighting sorrow
Wonder what I’ll do tomorrow…
191016
191016
…pation!
There once was a Furter named Frank-N
Whose Rocky was built for his wankin’
But Janet designed
To blow Rocky’s mind
With touchin’ and thrillin’ and thankin’
181022
181022
It might help
The States are not United
And Britain isn’t Great
The world is more divided
So, I’ll just masturbate
181010
181010
My vision vault is never blank
I know I’m prone to being frank
If TMI, give me a spank
But there are times when this old Yank
Has visions saved up in my bank
Of past lovers I’d like to thank
Or boobies squeezed into a tank
And when my engine’s set to crank
I give myself a blissful wank
181005
181005
His own fields were barren or fallow
There once was a fella from Mallow
Who was without depth and quite shallow
No lass good enough
His pillow he’d fluff
And into it wank with beef tallow
160914
160914
Dating tips from a master ex-dater
Plan out what you want to wear
Trim your nails and wash your hair
Tweeze the long hairs in your nose
Clean the fungus ‘tween your toes
Do this if you want to date
Or you’ll have to masturbate
160217
160217
All aboard!
We passed through Limerick on vacation
And saw a man at the train station
His pants on the ground
A crowd gathered ’round
And witnessed his wild masturbation
140213
140213
Happy singles appreciation day
Don’t you worry, never fear
Valentine’s is almost here
The one day you love to hate
‘Cause you do not have a mate
Even though you went on match
You still have an itch to scratch
Now the hour’s getting late
So you sadly masturbate
0607
0607
It’s all mental masturbation
I have a daily obligation
A day after day irriration
To rhyme and provide illustration
Somedays I have no motivation
While some think about graduation
I ponder my 10-day vacation
But imperfect communication
Contributes to mounting frustration
Clearly I need some fermentation
To bring this mood to a cessation