220916
A reduction in poe-ah-trees
Did you realize
There have been fewer poems?
Two days a week now
220913
220913
55 is the new 47
I’m still alive
At 55
Where will I be
At 63?
Will I be fine
At 69?
Will it be fun
At 81?
I just can’t wait
For 98!
220909
220909
The Boomtown Fats
The chocolate chips inside my mouth
Cause sugar overload
And nobody’s gonna send a text today
I’m gonna hide inside my home
And Brownie doesn’t understand it
I always eat till my belly’s swolled
And Linc can see no presents
‘Cause there are no presents
No presents for a man fully grown
(Makes me cry) I don’t like birthdays
(Makes me cry) I don’t like birthdays
(Makes me cry) I don’t like birthdays
My birthday suit don’t fit me now
Now, now, feel like a cow
Though it’s my birthday I’m feeling down right now
I’ve been eating cake for quite a while
I’ve swallowed too much and soon I’ll be learning
And the lesson today is don’t eat pie
And then the chip bag crackles and I have to tackle
Why I can’t see my feet or thighs
And I can see no presents
‘Cause there are no presents
Just candy wrappers piled up high, high, oh, oh oh!
And the chocolate chips inside my mouth
Cause sugar overload oh!
And nobody’s gonna send a text today
I’m gonna hide inside my home
And Brownie doesn’t understand it
I always eat till my belly’s swolled
And Linc can see no presents
‘Cause there are no presents
No presents for a man fully grown
(Makes me cry) I don’t like birthdays
(Makes me cry) I don’t like birthdays
(Makes me cry) I don’t like I don’t like
(Makes me cry) I don’t like birthdays
(Makes me cry) I don’t like I don’t like
(Makes me cry) I don’t like birthdays
(Makes me cry) I don’t like birthdays
My birthday suit don’t fit me now
220906
220906
Happy birthday today and every other day
Happy birthday
So nice to see
Happy birthday
It should be as good as can be
Oh happy birthday
Happy birthday make a wish for free
That on your birthday you will plant a money tree
Happy birthday
Have fun today
Happy birthday
I hope you just eat cake and play
Oh happy birthday
You’ll open your presents and party with glee
Oh happy birthday
I hope you sing this part with me
Every other day
Every other day
Every other day of the year is fine, yeah
But then when your birthday comes
But then when your birthday comes
You can find me rhymin’ all of the time
Happy birthday
Have fun today
Happy birthday
Don’t get carried away
Whoa, Happy birthday
Don’t go away
Happy birthday
It’s here to stay
Oh happy birthday
Oh happy birthday
220902
220902
Insincere commitments
Your commitment is insincere
You’re saying what I want to hear
But have no intention to keep
Because your promises are cheap
220831
220831
Brownie should go to El
There is no room up on the couch
So Brownie’s acting like a grouch
He won’t lay down, he will not go
His head is blocking half the show
He then proceeds to cut some farts
This smell is off the fucking charts
He’s barking now, that’s overkill
I guess I won’t Netflix and chill
220829
220829
shorturl.at/beGLM
Never say never
Gonna love you forever
Give you all my love
You fit like a glove
Up with you – it just feel right
Never say never
Gonna love you forever
Let me take you now
You gotta show me how
Down with you – every night
220826
220826
Did you make mankind after we made you?
Atheists don’t ever say grace
And “he” is always lower case
They don’t get hung up on belief
And sinning does not cause them grief
They don’t believe in virgin birth
They know that life ends here on earth
They don’t have hymns to soothe their soul
But atheists have rock and roll!
220824
220824
Must miss TV
I want to watch the TV
But Linc is very kneady
And Brownie’s sitting on me
This show is pretty crappy
And now I gotta pee pee
I’m never watching TV
220822
220822
Marathon Monday
If Mondays make you wince or cringe
You just might need a streaming binge
Try Disney+, Netflix or Prime
Watch drama, comedy or crime
There is a new Lord of the Rings
And Season 4 of Stranger Things
My bedtime was three hours ago
But new dragons on HBO!
220819
220819
She wasn’t that choosy
There once was a woman named Susie
Who everyone called the town floozy
Gross men by the score
Would party and more
Right there in her filthy jacuzzi
220817
220817
I hope I didn’t make you yawn
Alarm goes off at dawn – I yawn
I put the kettle on – I yawn
My laptop won’t logon – I yawn
I feel a bit withdrawn – I yawn
Lunch is a warm jambon – I yawn
It seems that summer’s gone – I yawn
This poem is now drawn – I yawn
Here is the denouement – I yawn
220815
220815
At least I’m not gaining
I walk a lot for exercise
And climb the stairs to work my thighs
The food I eat I used to hate
But I can’t seem to lose some weight
220812
220812
Is it in yet?
I push it in and pull it out
I see her lips begin to pout
I’m breathing hard and start to sweat
She bluntly asks, “is it in yet?”
I pull it out and push it in
I look at her, and we both grin
Our bodies heave in ecstasy
I just plugged in the USB
220810
220810
Cold pints will have to do
It’s hot this August night
To me, it’s a delight
The Irish think it’s not
To them it’s too damn hot
They’re sweating in this heat
And melting in the street
There’s nowhere they can be
The pubs don’t have AC!
220808
220808
Your neon lights will shine for you
Xanadu is closed
Olivia Newton-John
May she rest in peace
220805
220805
100% chance of moisture
There was a young lass named Delaney
Who liked her boys rugged and brainy
When students with pecks
Would read books and flex
She’d get wet though it wasn’t rainy
220803
220803
Pink man cave
I’ve gone and changed my upstairs room
To start, I cleaned it with a broom
I picked up rubbish from the ground
Then moved the furniture around
It has a TV and loveseat
The LEGO wall looks pretty neat
I put my desk and laptop there
It also has a rolling chair
The clincher is a spinning bike
And I can ride it when I like
Work, exercise, play, watch and rest
My office/man cave is the best
220801
220801
16 + 5 = forever
I miss you James, I miss you Jean
Though pain of loss is truly mean
Unending love is stronger yet
Because of that, I can’t forget
My brother James and lovely wife
They showed me how to embrace life
Their kindness, joy and laughter too
I’ll always miss the both of you
220729
220729
The long and winding road
I thought it would last forever
But then came the worst day ever
That happened five years ago now
And I’ve made it this far somehow
Since life’s a trip and not a race
I took my stuff to a new place
And I brought Linc and Brownie too
As time has passed, I’m not so blue
I’m sometimes red and sometimes green
The colors change, know what I mean?
There are more ups and fewer downs
I’m mostly better than this sounds
But days like this can hurt the most
And good humor becomes morose
I still think that love was cheated
My forever’s not completed
220727
220727
What would you do for a Choco Taco?
Pour one out for Choco Taco
You can’t get one in Morocco
They’ve been canceled in Samoa
You can’t get one any more
They’re gone in Texas and New York
They can’t be found in County Cork
Choco Taco fans are grieving
For these treats they’re not receiving
220725
220725
Love and thunder
I took a chance with a blind date
And she did too, what freaky fate
We had our fun and loved a lot
But then she passed, I was distraught
I do not pray, but I have hope
That someone else will want this dope
Love’s lighting bolts – can they strike twice?
I think they will, I’ve been real nice
220722
220722
Good to the last drop
A pretty lass went to São Paulo
Her faithful boyfriend he did follow
He rubbed tired feet
And lowered the seat
‘Cause he found a girl that would swallow
220720
220720
Schrödinger’s Linc
Little Linc, Little Linc
He’s the best cat, don’t you think?
Little Linc, Little Linc
Fur is black and tongue is pink
Little Linc, Little Linc
Sleeping near the kitchen sink
Little Linc, Little Linc
Into my room, he does slink
Little Linc, Little Linc
He gives me an evil wink
Little Linc, Little Linc
He will claw me if I blink
Little Linc, Little Linc
He’s the reason that I drink
Little Linc, Little Linc
He might kill me, don’t you think?
220718
220715
220715
At least he didn’t stab it
A nasty young man from Stab City
Would do things that weren’t very pretty
He once traveled east
And paid off a priest
To lick a Kilkenny nun’s kitty
220713
220713
M-O-O-N spells super
The moon is full, and so am I
The moon is round like apple pie
The moon tonight is extra bright
It guides us with it’s lunar light
It’s super ’cause it’s fairly near
The moon does this three times a year
The moon is shining in the sky
The moon is high, and so am I
220711
220711
Faceless tent people
I don’t like faceless people
Looking out at me
I don’t like faceless people
What do they think they see?
Who are the faceless people
Sleeping in those tents?
Who are those faceless people?!?
My fear is now intense!
I dream of faceless people
Sleeping next to me
I dream of faceless people
Who do they want to be?
Embrace the faceless people
They’re my cup of tea
I’ve joined the faceless people
They’re just like you and me
220708
220708
Them’s the breaks
A failed PM tories call Boris
Is featured in Roget’s Thesaurus
Synonymously
Five entries has he
Dick, asshole, cock, twat, and clitoris
220706
220706
It’s All-Ireland time
It’s time to plan our match watching bash
It’s time to see the clash of the ash
It’s time to hang the amber and black
It’s time for cats to get Liam back
220704
220704
Happy treason day
In the US, all good things are gone
I loved it all my life
But I moved to start again
To get away from hate and strife
I thank my lucky stars
To be living here today
‘Cause this flag still stands for freedom
And they can’t take that away
And I’m proud to be an Irishman
Where at least I know I’m free
And I won’t forget the Jizztrumpet
He fucked my old country
And I’d gladly stand up at the bar
And get asked, “Are you okay?”
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt
That christians have
Ruined the USA