200603
Bhí Jean foirfe
I will help you cook the meal
When you’re perfect – no big deal
I will help you dye your hair
You’re so perfect – I don’t care
I will help you with your pain
‘Cause you’re perfect – right as rain
I will help you to get high
Since you’re perfect – won’t ask why
I will help you Sweetie Pea
You are perfect – perfectly
200601
WWJD? What would Jean do?
When cops kill blacks, I think of Jean
And how she’d say, “This is obscene!
That could be me, or my nephews
Who now is dead and on the news!”
What is the crime, or mortal sin
That’s based on color of your skin?
What justifies such an attack?
Their biggest crime? They were born black…
200529
#ICantBreathe
Black men live in fear and terror
Homicide by a badge wearer
They don’t want to burn and riot
They just want some peace and quiet
Police murder due to pigment
White privilege is not a figment
Racists love Jizztrumpet’s chatter
More than ever, #BlackLivesMatter
200527
Serene routine
Walked the dog for exercise
Under partly cloudy skies
Got the clothes in from the line
Poured myself a glass of wine
Played some games and won a few
Hope tomorrow’s this good too
200525
He wants “Fore!” more years
A man is not a man
Who golfs while many die
He has no thoughtful plan
He does not even try
200520
Firsthand knowledge
Is your tummy cramped and coiled?
Do farts leave your trousers soiled?
Is your brown eye feeling boiled?
Check the milk, I bet it’s spoiled!!!
200518
Phase craze
(18 May)
We’re now in phase one
The phase with no fun
(8 June)
Phase two on June 8
Can visit a mate
(29 June)
And when phase three drops
They’ll open most shops
(20 July)
The next phase is four
We’ll go shore to shore
(10 August)
And lastly phase five
The pubs are alive!!!
200513
Bags by Brownie
John and Gemma played a silly game
Tried to keep their ten minutes of fame
John and Gemma don’t know when to quit
They should go and eat a bag of shit
200511
Just a little longer
It isn’t over yet
But I am not upset
My parents are still fine
So is that brother mine
I haven’t lost a mate
And though it isn’t great
I know it will be fine
By 2029
200506
In case you were wondering
With no landline in a lockdown
And all your friends are way downtown
With just your pets you live alone
You really shouldn’t wash your phone
200429
Presumptuous platitude
Feeling defective
And ineffective?
Your main objective –
Change your perspective!
200427
Bitcoin works too
While the world has gone to hell
Do you have a thing to sell?
I will work from dawn to night
Making you a new website
I will finish in a flash
If you send me bags of cash!
200422
No time to defecate
Tonight I’m working late
But I am not irate
When people think I’m great
It puts food on my plate
200420
420 is good for many reasons
Two years a cat
Imagine that
I’m hoping for
Fifty-two more
200415
Feed me right meow!
Linc is sitting on the sill
But he isn’t sitting still
Opening his deadly grill
Gaping maw gives me a chill
200413
Never-ending nonsense
One constant in this madness
My poems still endure
And I will bring the gladness
Until they find a cure
200410
What’s good about it?
Good Friday isn’t good
Can’t do the things we should
The end of lent – so what?
The pubs are all still shut!
Can’t hike a single trail
Beyond my 2K pale
Can’t visit with me mates
No piles of food on plates
No Easter eggs to hunt
‘Cause Rona is a cunt
I guess I shouldn’t whine
When most I know are fine
200408
Goofy for LEGO Disney
I’m working on my LEGO train
It helps to make me less insane
With Mickey, Minnie, Chip and Dale
This Disney train is off the rail
It even has a Goofy too
And 18 bags until I’m through
Around the tracks the cars will cruise
To help allay my Rona blues
200406
I emptied my cask
I had to shop without a mask
Don’t come near me, that’s all I ask
Then I race home, done with my task
And sterilize with my hip flask
200401
Don’t be an April ghoul
Today I will not act the fool
Or tell a silly lie
I think that it would be quite cruel
To joke while people die
200330
Feel the city breakin’
My kitchen doubles as a pub
My bathroom a salon
My dining room’s a country club
That looks out on my lawn
My bedroom is an office now
My living room a gym
It barely matters anyhow
When everything’s so grim
I used to work from nine to five
To properly provide
But now I work to stay alive
By staying put inside
200323
#TeamPope
I’m used to this as I live alone
I rarely shower or wear cologne
The dog don’t mind and neither the cat
They don’t complain or say that I’m fat
They don’t gossip or make me feel sad
The best teammates that I ever had
200318
We got this or else we’ll get that
I stay home to be complying
It ain’t great, but it beats dying
Keeping up my social distance
To continue this existence
Tons to do in isolation
Solo games and masturbation
Reading books and fighting sorrow
Wonder what I’ll do tomorrow…
200311
Órfhlaith is Orla
Órfhlaith from Tralee
Has stolen mo chroí (my heart)
If we meet at dawn
She’ll be my leannán (lover)
I would rather be
Just having some spraoi (fun)
But with my heart gone
My hair has turned bán (white)
200309
Tinder tips
Today I was contemplating
If I should share tips for dating
Do not buy whiskey for Clodagh
She only drinks diet soda
You should not argue with Áine
She’ll throw you down and sit on ya
Don’t lend your money to Bronagh
She will not pay back one Krona
Be careful if you bang Fiadh
She gave a “friend” gonorrhea
Hope this did not make you sleepy
Why does it hurt when I peepee?
200306
Sorry Dexy
Poor old pangolin
Don’t eat him like a sloppy joe
Nor top him on your pizza dough
They have thick hide, don’t blame or slay them
It’s spread (from Wuhan)
And spread (to Milan)
Outbreaks here, there and wherever
COVID-19
Choo ah-choo ah-choo ah-choo why-ay?!?
Self isolate forever!!!
COVID-19, wash your hands (thoroughly)
If you’re coughing, do into your sleeve
We don’t possess, a means to address
Oh it’s dirty
Ah, COVID-19
COVID-19
Don’t bring it ’round here
No scanning at our airports yet
So staying inside’s our safest bet
They’ve hinted (No Paddy’s), um, say what? (No Paddy’s)
That won’t sit with us now laddie
We’ll go maddy!
Choo ah-choo ah-choo ah-choo why-ay?!?
Self isolate forever!!!
200304
The oul’ sod is odd
The town of Athy
It sounds like a thigh
When walking in Laois
Please bring your dog’s leash
If ever in Naas
Get out of that place!
I hear that in Cobh
There might be a cove
The towns over here
Are spelled kind of queer
200302
Or Máire either
This one lass named Caoimhe
Is kind of a diva
But nicer than Fómhar
Who’s just mean all over
The reason they’re vicious
Foul, vile and malicious
The names that they carry
Do not make them merry
200228
The media peddle fear
If their temperature is high
Write them off as they’ll soon die
If they have a runny nose
Leave before they decompose
If they blast out splashing poo
There’s a duty you should do
If you hear somebody cough
You should drown them in a trough
If you see somebody sneeze
Kill and bury quickly please
If you think they sniffled snot
You should end them with one shot
If this sounds a tad severe
Media has stoked this fear
200224
What is the range for Uber Eats?
This hunger might seem kind of silly
But I am craving Tommy’s chili
I want to nom it by the gallon
I blame it all on drinks with Alan
200217
Vent and lament
It’s absolutely evident
The US has no president
They have a truly arrogant
Jizztrumpet who sows discontent
He’s broken every covenant
Emphatically with ill intent
I hate him one million percent
And if you like him go get bent
