Category: Limerick

180305

180305
Subpoena Sam

There is a Sam under subpoena
Who’s crazier than a hyena
He’s either a drunk
Or Roger Stone’s punk
He needs to flee to Argentina

180119

180119
Anything but plain

There once was a lass on an airplane
Who spilled so her jeans had a wine stain
Her goldfish she shared
Attention was snared
Creating the legend of plane Jane

180117

180117
Just the tip

There was a strange man from Kilkenny
Who’d suck his own dick for a penny
The kind of a guy
Who’d blast in his eye
If given a ten or a twenny

180115

180115
This little piggy went to Waterford

There was a fat man from Dungarvan
Who sharpened his knives to start carvin’
He slaughtered a beast
And cooked a huge feast
Then ate it all like he was starvin’

171115

171115
He will show why he was chosen

There is a skilled QB named Rosen
Long TDs he’s good at composin’
On Saturday night
He’s bringing the fight
The Trojans will get a bulldozin’

171111

171111
Louie, Louie you’re gonna cry

I once saw a man in Salinas
Who wouldn’t stop stroking his penis
Away I did race
He quickened his pace
And covered the distance between us

171011

171011
His BAC was doublin’

There once was a young man from Dublin
Who drank all the drinks that were bubblin’
When his blood was checked
His doctor was wrecked
That this man was breathing was troublin’

171007

171007
He had the gift of gab

There once was a priest from Killarney
Who everyone called Father Barney
He would ask a lass
To kneel down like mass
And kiss his stones like they were Blarney

171004

171004
Me-wow!

There once was a lad from Cork city
Who bought drinks for girls that were pretty
If they owned a cat
He’d go to their flat
And asked if he could pet their kitty

170930

170930
Uncanny granny

There once was a boy from Mulranny
Who always stayed home with his granny
He tripped on her skirt
Though he wasn’t hurt
He went blind when he saw her fanny

170927

170927
She’s Aoife to my Strongbow

Through Waterford I went a hiking
I saw some crystal and a Viking
A moment was seized
Jean’s ashes released
This place would have been to her liking

170626

170626
I’d like to Slytherin your Gryffindor

There once was a Potter named Harry
Who fought against foes that were scary
But his greatest dread
Performing in bed
His wand work was quite ordinary

170623

170623
Cry me a liver

There once was a Ruben named Billy
Who could make your outside look silly
He’d yellow your skin
Your hands, feet and chin
Right down to your boobs and/or willy

170529

170529
Can’t wait for Volume 3!

There once was a raccoon named Rocket
His friend Groot could fit in his pocket
He’s covered in fur
But one thing’s for sure
His tail won’t be worn by a Crockett

170508

170508
Liar, liar Jizztrumpet on fire

There once was a hero named Sally
She knew that Flynn was Russia’s pally
She gave evidence
That Flynn lied to Pence
Which might bring about Trump’s finale

170405

170405
Make America hate again

There once was a racist named Bannon
With Ku Klux he always was Klannin’
With his pointy hood
And cross made of wood
The flames of hate speech he was fannin’

170329

170329
Where’s your tilde?

There once was a traitor named Devin
Whose Trump love went well past eleven
And like a dumbbell
He shared his intel
Which broke off the seal numbered seven

170310

170310
Just like war priests at black masses

There once was a half-orc named Oloch
Who got his sword stuck in the bedrock
It wasn’t that dumb
He channeled Gorum
Which helped him defeat a dark warlock

170220

170220
She left in a cloud of farts

There once was a black dog named Raven
To greet you her tail would be wavin’
She had one good trick
But then she got sick
No longer she’ll be misbehavin’

170208

170208
Sycophant Spicer

There once was a lackey named Spicer
Who never said “no” but “aye, aye sir!”
When told to read lies
He squinted his eyes
And asked for the press to be nicer

170203

170203
Eat them up – yum!

There once was a dragon named Fuffle
Who lived in the side of a rough hill
It’s not a rumor
She’ll eat your tumor
And poo it out to make a truffle

161228

161228
“We miss you” “I know”

There once was a princess named Carrie
Whom every boy wanted to marry
In moonlight angled
Her own bra strangled
‘Cause this year is our adversary

161128

161128
The bird made a turd

There once was a tweeter on Twitter
Whose tweets were both hateful and bitter
But folks liked his tweets
More than the elites
So now we’ll end up in the shitter

161010

161007
Happy birthday Tom!

I have a big brother named Tommy
We have the same daddy and mommy
We went to The Hat
To eat food and chat
Because they have the best pastrami

160916

160916
His favorite preserve is strawberry

I once had a roommate named Jerry
His interest in porn was quite scary
He really liked when
A bunch of women
Would live in a house on the prairie

160812

160812
He tells it like it jizz

The Jizztrumpet says he’s sarcastic
The lies that he spews are bombastic
A total disgrace
When he fails this race
His fans will take actions quite drastic

160808

160808
‪#‎LightsOut‬

These once was a ghost named Diana
To hide in the dark was her plan-a
Exposed to the light
She started to fight
But lost and was not top banana

160801

160801
He wasn’t playing

There once was a fella named Jamie
His jokes were the kind that would slay me
The way he said “hey”
He either was gay
Or else he was trying to play me

160627

160627
Here we stand

There once was a girl named Lyanna
A fierce protector like Diana
A girl among men
She’s proven again
To the Starks, she is top banana

160606

160606
Landscape limerick

There is a posh painter named Patrick
His yarn use was not for a cat trick
He’s friendly and swell
Proficient as well
For artists, he has scored the hat trick

160525

160525
He shares memes of hatred and malice

There is an old geezer from Dallas
His home is a KKK palace
He is an old grump
Who’s voting for Trump
But secretly googles black phallus