Category: Limerick

181214

181214
Be more than one flavor

There once was a fella named Santa
Who scored whores in downtown Atlanta
While giving him head
A toothless one said
“His jism tastes just like grape Fanta!”

181207

181207
It’s time for some Crosby and Bowie

There was a nice woman named Zoe
Who made men smile when it was snowy
The use of her hand
Was certainly grand
But she preferred giving a blowy

181130

181130
Or Nick Nolte

There once was a woman named Lucy
The gossip ’bout her was quite juicy
Said Ethel, her foe
“Her hair down below
Was shaved to look like Gary Busey”

181123

181123
She liked to get women to plow her

There was a lass named for a flower
Who was full of sexual power
She conquered her men
Again and again
Wherever she went boys would cower

181116

181116
#BeatSc

There once was a killer named OJ
Who had a slow chase on the freeway
He drove by $c
And got his degree
‘Cause murder is fine if you can play

181109

181109
He then ate a bowl of shrimp curry

There was a young fella named Murray
Who always had sex in a hurry
Each shag was a race
A furious pace
His sister was starting to worry

181102

181102
Lend me your ear

There once was a painter named Vinny
Who liked models both fat and skinny
He frequented bars
And liked painting stars
Then shot himself just like a ninny

181026

181026
German dungeon porn

There once was a fräulein from Essen
Who wanted to teach men a lesson
She said she liked boys
And all of their toys
But as it turns out she was messin’

181019

181019
His first mate would jangle and jingle

There once was a captain from Dingle
Who always was ready to mingle
Each brave cabin boy
Would bring him great joy
When timbers would shiver he’d tingle

181012

181012
This happened out in the Canaries

There was a ship captain from Skerries
Naïve like a typical Aries
She asked him to show
To bramble he’d go
And rummage for his twig and berries

181005

181005
His own fields were barren or fallow

There once was a fella from Mallow
Who was without depth and quite shallow
No lass good enough
His pillow he’d fluff
And into it wank with beef tallow

180928

180928
Are we not doing phrasing anymore?

There once was an agent named Lana
A hottie – as hot as a sauna
Though he held out hope
She told Archer “Nope!”
Her danger zone was his nirvana

180921

180921
No “o” mon

There once was a gal from Jamaica
Who would dance and knew how to shake-a
When in the right mood
She’d bed a fine dude
But end up by needing to fake-a

180914

180914
Come fly her friendly skies

There once was a lass at the airport
The pages were full in her passport
She earned every stamp
The mile high club tramp
An entrepreneurial escort

180907

180907
She was pretty and pretty crazy

There once was a woman named Daisy
She laid in bed, but wasn’t lazy
A fave of the lads
Their uncles and dads
She left them all happy and hazy

180831

180831
Get that man a beer!

There once was a drunkard named Charlie
A fan of the hops and the barley
If he didn’t get
His foam filter wet
He’d end up bad tempered and snarly

180824

180824
What’s with the Crisco

There once was a pope named Francisco
Who roofied some dudes at a disco
With all of the noise
The three altar boys
Were certainly worth the huge risk-o

180817

180817
Three to one odds

There once was a lad named Fitzpatrick
In football he tallied a hat trick
His favorite game
Was given a name
Three women in bed was a cat trick

180810

180810
Her middle name was Mulva

There once was a lass named Dolores
Whose sexual tales would not bore us
First kissing of lips
Then grinding of hips
It always would end with clitoris

180803

180803
Patron saint of wood

There once was woman named Brigid
Whom most lads considered quite frigid
But she was quite quick
At taking a dick
And making it stiff, thick and rigid

180720

180720
Honor offer on her off her

There once was a lad named O’Connor
Who offered young Deirdre his honor
Accepting his gift
She laid down right swift
She wanted O’Connor right on her

180709

180709
I’d rather she looked like Curly

There once was a woman from Kerry
Who rarely shaved so she was hairy
Of course down below
She grew quite a ‘fro
And looked like the Stooge known as Larry

180620

180620
He kept it well stocked with grape jelly

There was an old drunkard named Kelly
Whose clothes were so soiled they were smelly
In his dressing gown
To stay sitting down
He put his fridge under the telly

180615

180615
Taco of Gibraltar

There once was a foodie named Rocco
Who wanted to eat the best taco
Papaya and goat
Served on the love boat
Half way between Spain and Morocco

180606

180606
Gofunme.com

A man with a charity bucket
Once thought about trying to suck it
He knew that his dick
Would not do the trick
And wished he was born in Nantucket

180530

180530
Thanks for the help Manya!

There once was a woman named Manya
Her parents had started with Tanya
They kept up the rhyme
At child naming time
With Sanya and Manya and Lanya

180516

180516
#TeamFerdiad

Young Ferdiad was kind of sullen
He had to fight his friend Cú Chulainn
Queen Medb slyly lied
Poor Ferdiad died
His body Cú Chulainn was cullin’

180502

180502
ONE MORE CUP PLEASE!!!

To wake up each day when I’m tired
My hot tea intake is inspired
At cup twenty-five
I FEEL SO ALIVE!!!
BUT CAN’T SLEEP BECAUSE I AM WIRED!!!

180425

180425
She did say GTFO!

There once was a woman named Sharon
Who lived in a condo with Karen
And Karen did try
To bang Sharon’s guy
But Sharon was not into sharin

180409

180409
Well done lad!

There once was a hurler named TJ
Whose Kilkenny Cats had a field day
The fans all adored
How often he scored
They queued up to give him a BJ

180316

180316
She thoughtfully takes a long while-y

There once was a lass named O’Reilly
Though missing her teeth, she was smiley
With no biting fangs
To gnaw on those wangs
The Sullivan lads praised her highly