200515
That sore on his lip was a canker
This fella from Cork was a banker
He got a tattoo of an anchor
He thought it was cool
But that fucking fool
His mom told him – “You’re still a wanker!”
Category: Limerick
200508
200508
Yes, mistress!
There once was a mistress named Megan
She’d often leave wealthy men beggin’
She’d start with a tease
Then quick as you please
She’d bugger them good with a peggin’
200501
200501
5318008 on a calculator
There once was a woman named Helen
With each boob as big as a melon
Each night her two mitts
Were squeezing those tits
Exploring her globes like Magellan
200424
200424
That flick with his tail – quite a tricky
There once was a rodent named Mickey
Who asked Minnie Mouse for a quickie
She laughed in his face
That being the case
He banged Betty Boop with his dickey
200417
200417
Armadillo in his trousers
There once was a fella named Noel
Some say he was hung like a foal
He tried to pooh-pooh
But everyone knew
That lump in his pants wasn’t coal
200403
200403
The palm seen round the world
A face palm by Anthony Fauci
Made hot-tempered Jizztrumpet grouchy
The doc now gets threats
From dumb MAGA pets
Who want to give Fauci an ouchy
200327
200327
At first his throat was a bit sore-us
There once was a PM named Boris
Who wanted his borders less pourous
But then he got sick
From some random chick
Because he had licked her clitoris
200320
200320
This limerick has been canceled
My plans for spring have been deleted
My TP supply is depleted
This Covid-19
Is foul and obscene
I can’t wait till it is defeated
200313
200313
He’s going to Maam next
There once was a husband from Cavan
Who drove every weekend to Navan
His wife unaware
Of his love affair
With palindromes that he was havin’
200221
200221
Using his pin to pull
There once was a man from Dún Laoghaire
A pioneer – horny and cheery
“A lad on the sauce
Is pushing with floss
That’s why I drink chai tea my deary”
200110
200110
Ask your doctor if boner juice is right for you
There is a first mate in Balbriggan
Who got his balls caught in the riggin’
Now he cannot blast
Or get to full mast
Unless boner juice he is swiggin’
200103
200103
7″ wonder of the world
A tourist who visited Agra
Decided to tryout viagra
At the Taj Mahal
He swallowed them all
His balls emptied just like Niagara
191227
191227
She did and did not
There once was a Jedi named Daisy
Who made all the fanboys go crazy
When she used the force
They screamed until hoarse
Misogynist hatred is lazy
191220
191220
He drove Ky and Lo
There once was a Driver named Adam
Who liked to speed over macadam
He flew down the line
Doing sixty nine
To get to his favorite madam
191115
191115
What were they like before?!?
There was an old fishwife named Molly
Who helped a blue genie dodge folly
When given a wish
“I want these damn fish
To smell like my pussy by golly!”
191108
191108
Kept her busy
This lass took her lad, and she showed him
To my doctor friend, and I quote him
“This guy in Tralee
Has not two but three!
That’s why he’s known as Frankenscrotum”
191016
191016
…pation!
There once was a Furter named Frank-N
Whose Rocky was built for his wankin’
But Janet designed
To blow Rocky’s mind
With touchin’ and thrillin’ and thankin’
191011
191011
He’s plain batty
There once was a villain named Joker
Who was bad and not mediocre
He made people smile
Then killed them with style
While wearing a vest that was ochre
191004
191004
Sacred sausage
There was a nun named Sister Egan
Who loved her veg ’cause she was vegan
She also liked wheat
But never touched meat
Unless it came from Father Keegan
190920
190920
She got a little wider
One Friday while drinking a cider
A knock at the door was a spider
She first swallowed me
Then Linc and Brownie
Then all of us lived there inside her
190412
190412
Mauvais voyage
There was a steamship named Titanic
That once tried to cross the Atlantic
Two thirds of the way
An iceberg said, “Nay!”
The passengers started to panic
190329
190329
Super secret sauce
There once was a top chef named Davy
Who traveled the world with the Navy
This world renowned cook
Left out of his book
His method for making man gravy
190320
190320
Sharkey malarkey
There once was a fella named Fearghal
Who liked to go downtown to burgle
He once came across
Some white, lukewarm sauce
A mouthful he did swish and gurgle
190315
190315
Not that there’s anything wrong with that
There once was a father named Eamonn
Who got a big kick out of gay men
He liked how they’d play
With shirts off all day
Abú, hallelujah and amen!
190308
190308
There’s a Ruaidhrí in my curry
There once was a fella named Ruaidhrí
Who was legendarily furry
The hair on his back
Arms, legs and ball sack
Scared women away in a hurry
190301
190301
“Are you guilty?” “Neigh!”
There once was a fella named Niall
Who broke the law and was on trial
For shagging a horse
He argued of course
The horse said he was in denial
190215
190215
I’ll boldly go!
A red-head on Star Trek named Tilly
Is brainy and friendly and silly
At first a cadet
Then Klingon War vet
She gives we warp nine in my willy
190118
190118
Katelyn Ohashi is perfect
A Bruin is good in gymnastics
Her flips suggest she’s made of plastics
Her work on the floor
Earned a perfect score
The Twitterverse tweeted – “fantastics!”
190109
190109
Stick Person Poetry: Bandersnatch
Limerick……….Haiku
……….The toves were slithy
……….The borogoves were mimsy
……….And mome raths outgrabe
Both Dee and Dum Tweedle were rotund
The frumious Bandersnatch was shunned
With a swift attack
A snicker and snack
The slain Jabberwock left them quite stunned
181228
181228
Last limerick of 2018
The end of the year is forthcoming
The constant bad news is quite numbing
So lie yourselves down
And both go to town
And try 69 with some humming
181221
181221
He went down on history
A crimson-nosed reindeer named Rudy
A loner, both sullen and moody
When he was depressed
What made him feel best
Was dressing like Cher, Madge and Judy