210219
Ted fled
To Cancún Ted chose to go Cruzin’
Which Texans did not find amusin’
While his poodle froze
He packed up his clothes
And showed how a loser does losin’
Category: Limerick
210212
210212
Cara dún do bhéal
There once was a fighter named Gina
A warrior born like Athena
But her hateful gob
Cost her a cool job
I hope she’s replaced by fair Xena
210205
210205
Disco isn’t the only thing that sucks
There once was a dancer named Russell
Who knew how to tango and hustle
The ladies in town
Would always get down
And cha cha with his mambo muscle
210122
210122
Oh Henry! > Baby Ruth
There once was a Hank known as hammer
The pitchers that faced him would stammer
The number he wore
A big 44
An RBI and Home Run slammer
210115
210115
Melodious membranophone
The bard with a golden kazoo
Plays melodies to help his crew
His weapon of choice
A vibrating voice
Which damages up the wazoo
210108
210108
What’s my opinion of Kingman’s performance?
To Dodger fans Tommy Lasorda
Was family – an uncle sorta
He wore number two
And always bled blue
With Vin, they’re the top of the order
210101
210101
She’s great with a prick
There once was a woman named Maxine
A pusher of dope in the smack scene
She was really fab
At giving a jab
So now she administers vaccine
201225
201225
Happy bastard’s birthday
There was a new mother named Mary
But Joseph’s son she did not carry
When asked by her guy
She made up a lie
Though pregnant she still had her cherry
201218
201218
Hide the reindeer sausage
There once was a reindeer named Donner
To serve Santa Claus was his honor
He used his esteem
To hustle and scheme
A young elven lass and get on her
201211
201211
Is Chip on the chop?
The Bruins play ball at the Rose Bowl
And beating the Trojans is their goal
To lose is a sin
If Chip doesn’t win
His stocking will be filled with black coal
201204
201204
Covid Claus
There once was a dude named Kris Kringle
Whose bags were so full they would jingle
Through front and back roads
He dropped many loads
He left behind gifts that would tingle
201113
201113
He hates everything trans
Jizztrumpet has made it his mission
To fuck up Joe Biden’s transition
The fat orange turd
Is crude and absurd
His petulance reeks of sedition
201023
201023
He grew up to be an FG TD
A young fella in Ballyragget
Saw money and wanted to snag it
Went up to his gran
Snatched right from her hand
She called him a punk and a maggot
201016
201016
I didn’t ask how big the room is!
That wizard was part sage part moron
His fireball point blank missed Voron
But back just a bit
We got burned to shit
The rest of us maybe should cop on
201009
201009
Help me mommy!
There once was a human shaped shit pile
Fly landed and then made the shit smile
The shit was Mike Pence
So smug and intense
Fly sorted him into his shit file
201002
201002
Hope they try bleach
The virus that’s bad for angina
Has spread far from Wuhan in China
From a flying mouse
Into the White House
Transported in Hope Hicks’ vagina
200925
200925
You never forget your first
I once had a girlfriend named Sandy
My memories still makes me randy
With lovely blonde hair
And boobs out to there
She tasted sweet like cotton candy
200918
200918
Stay demented!
I listened to Dr. Demento
Recounting his latest memento
A “Weird Al” 8-track
He found in the back
Of a thrift store in Sacramento
200911
200911
His semen created more seamen
A seafarer from Ballintubber
Encountered a buxom land lubber
But his one night stand
Got way out of hand
His blubber had ruptured the rubber
200904
200904
Thousand-of-kind
It’s time for your annual partay
I wish I could be at your soirée
To prove that I care
This rhyme that is rare
Is only for you on your birthday
200828
200828
She got her man
A Mountie that lived in Regina
Mail ordered a young groom from China
She thought she’d be nice
By cooking him rice
And serving it from her vagina
200821
200821
How many weeks was he minister? Fore!
An eejit named Dara Calleary
Went golfing in Galway – my deary
Our very strict rules
Are flaunted by fools
This government’s making us weary
200814
200814
Voting in 9 x 9 days!
The Senator Kamala Harris
With Biden – they will not embarrass
The US of A
Which as of today
Is laughed at in Seoul, Rome, and Paris
200807
200807
Chunder bringer of thunder!
Now Bingo has gone on hiatus
He’ll come back again as the greatest
Soon he’ll polymorph
Until then this dwarf
A druid named Chunder my latest
200731
200731
A king’s scepter has a knob on the end
There once was a princess named Annie
Who married a king known as Manny
She ruled the demesne
The bedroom his reign
His scepter would dictate her fanny
200717
200717
Shredded cheese fajita wife
There once was a Karen named Alice
Who ordered fajitas in Dallas
She just wanted cheese
She even said please
She’s been made a meme ’cause we’re callous
200710
200710
Got milk?
There once was a duellist named Burr, sir
A Hamilton insult disperser
But Burr was just mad
That Hamilton lad
Had got Reynolds’ kitty to purr, sir
200626
200626
I’m attacking the darkness!
There once was a DM named Derek
Whose clichés were rarely generic
He got a new dude
And mage with a ‘tude
To play with a rogue and a cleric
200619
200619
You have my sympathies
There once was an actor named Ian
Who played parts from noble to peon
As Bilbo and Ash
He made a huge splash
Those roles will endure for an eon
200612
200612
JK = Jaded Karen
There once was a TERF known as Rowling
Her comments got her queer fans growling
Her books once brought cheer
But now it’s quite clear
They’re suitable to scoop dog fouling
200522
200522
Inches > Centimeters
There once was a fella named Kevin
Who claimed his dick went to eleven
He played truth or dare
They dared him to share
He barely whipped out half of seven