Tag: Tech

221101

221101
Wait till he charges per tweet

To Musk, free speech comes at a price
It will now cost to spew advice
If you prefer a big blue tick
You’ll pay eight bucks to that rich prick

The chocolate chips inside my mouth
Cause sugar overload
And nobody’s gonna send a text today
I’m gonna hide inside my home
And Brownie doesn’t understand it
I always eat till my belly’s swolled
And Linc can see no presents
‘Cause there are no presents
No presents for a man fully grown
(Makes me cry) I don’t like birthdays
(Makes me cry) I don’t like birthdays
(Makes me cry) I don’t like birthdays
My birthday suit don’t fit me now
Now, now, feel like a cow
Though it’s my birthday I’m feeling down right now
I’ve been eating cake for quite a while
I’ve swallowed too much and soon I’ll be learning
And the lesson today is don’t eat pie
And then the chip bag crackles and I have to tackle
Why I can’t see my feet or thighs
And I can see no presents
‘Cause there are no presents
Just candy wrappers piled up high, high, oh, oh oh!
And the chocolate chips inside my mouth
Cause sugar overload oh!
And nobody’s gonna send a text today
I’m gonna hide inside my home
And Brownie doesn’t understand it
I always eat till my belly’s swolled
And Linc can see no presents
‘Cause there are no presents
No presents for a man fully grown
(Makes me cry) I don’t like birthdays
(Makes me cry) I don’t like birthdays
(Makes me cry) I don’t like I don’t like
(Makes me cry) I don’t like birthdays
(Makes me cry) I don’t like I don’t like
(Makes me cry) I don’t like birthdays
(Makes me cry) I don’t like birthdays
My birthday suit don’t fit me now

220831

220831
Brownie should go to El

There is no room up on the couch
So Brownie’s acting like a grouch
He won’t lay down, he will not go
His head is blocking half the show
He then proceeds to cut some farts
This smell is off the fucking charts
He’s barking now, that’s overkill
I guess I won’t Netflix and chill

220829

220829
shorturl.at/beGLM

Never say never
Gonna love you forever
Give you all my love
You fit like a glove
Up with you – it just feel right
Never say never
Gonna love you forever
Let me take you now
You gotta show me how
Down with you – every night

220822

220822
Marathon Monday

If Mondays make you wince or cringe
You just might need a streaming binge
Try Disney+, Netflix or Prime
Watch drama, comedy or crime
There is a new Lord of the Rings
And Season 4 of Stranger Things
My bedtime was three hours ago
But new dragons on HBO!

220817

220817
I hope I didn’t make you yawn

Alarm goes off at dawn – I yawn
I put the kettle on – I yawn
My laptop won’t logon – I yawn
I feel a bit withdrawn – I yawn
Lunch is a warm jambon – I yawn
It seems that summer’s gone – I yawn
This poem is now drawn – I yawn
Here is the denouement – I yawn

220812

220812
Is it in yet?

I push it in and pull it out
I see her lips begin to pout
I’m breathing hard and start to sweat
She bluntly asks, “is it in yet?”
I pull it out and push it in
I look at her, and we both grin
Our bodies heave in ecstasy
I just plugged in the USB

220411

220411
Drop it like it’s hot

I did a thing I didn’t like
I dropped my phone when on a hike
I cursed myself, I made a scene
At least I did not crack the screen
Instead I broke the LCD
It’s fixable for a large fee
While I stand here, egg on my face
I need to get myself a case

220330

220330
Always on – never off

No rest for the wicked
That’s true for this dickhead
Since I am my own boss
I do not gather moss
While some have night-time fun
My work is never done

220107

220107
I don’t think she meant tobacco

The things that I do on the shitter…
Like scrolling through nonsense on Twitter
A raging debate
That caused so much hate?
A lass said she’s always a spitter

211224

211224
Christmas with the cats

It’s time for joy and festive cheer
But things are different this year
I could not get back to the states
So now I’ll spend it with me mates
They’re wearing black and amber hats
This year it’s Christmas with the cats
It’s not the same and that’s ok
I’ll celebrate a brand new way
Just like LA it won’t be white
But over here, the weather’s shite
My parents send me online chats
This year it’s Christmas with the cats
I want to party till it’s late
But this year pubs will close at eight
No ugly sweaters on display
No pub crawls on St. Stephen’s Day
I blame the feckin’ bureaucrats
This year it’s Christmas with the cats
I have to bring a biscuit tin
Or else my friends won’t let me in
The wine is mulled, the pudding’s plum
The pies have mince, yeah that sounds dumb
The yummy sweets – the tasty fats
This year it’s Christmas with the cats

211103

211103
Knackered in Kilkenny

I went and joined Tinder and Bumble
So my self confidence could crumble
I thought I’d be a master dater
Instead I’m still a masturbater

211001

211001
Sarah Crosby abú!

A friend to many
Mother, daughter, sister, wife
Rest in Peace Sarah

210929

210929
Sharing is caring

Fewer and fewer seem to care
Hardly any have clicked on share
If you enjoy a rhyme or two
A simple like or heart will do

210917

210917
He put a dongle up his dingle

A lad with a USB cable
Inserted it ’cause he was able
He tried this strange trick
To measure his dick
It’s totally true – not a fable

210915

210915
Doomscrolling for the loss

Go to bed and scroll
Scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll scroll
Scroll scroll scroll and sleep

210908

210908
Merry birthday

‘Twas the night before birthday, and inside my place
Linc and Brownie are sitting in front of my face
I’m trying to watch Parks and Rec season two
But these selfish monsters are blocking my view
They don’t have a cake and not even one toy
But they want to be near a good little boy
Now Brownie, now Lincoln, if you’ll both sit still
We’ll give brand new meaning to Netflix and chill

210816

210816
Please, no wagering

Is life a competition
Or just an exhibition?
I don’t need your permission
To write this composition
Expose my exposition?
Oppose your opposition!
These lines are an admission
I’m not a word magician
I have no inhibition
With thought to page transmission
My rhyming repetition
And drawing demolition
Might nurture nerve nutrition
And intellect ignition
To wrap up this submission
My prose and picture mission
Will come to its fruition
With global recognition
A well-to-do patrician
And songs by a musician

210809

210809
Spam egg sausage and spam

Check your spam, check your spam
Yes, of course I sent it ma’am
We have problems sending emails
And I swear it’s not a scam
Yes, I did – I don’t kid
I will bet you twenty quid
Though it was marked as suspicious
My email was not malicious
Open it, take a chance
I assure you in advance
You must have a real careful filter program
Go on, and check your folder
Just do as I told ya
Check your spam, oui your spam, check your spam!

210712

210712
#ItsGoingRome

England suffers from football fate
They forgot to close the Southgate
Rashford, Sancho and young Saka
At penalties, they were caca
But here across the Irish Sea
No tears were shed for those missed three
We celebrate – #ItsGoingRome
Meanwhile our team never left home

210709

210709
A short burst of inconsequential information

There is a web app known as Twitter
That most people read on the shitter
Unless you’re spray tanned
And forever banned
Then you sue them ’cause you are bitter

210616

210616
It’s a win-wank

I want to travel since I can
But lack of money stops that plan
I have few skills for making bank
But I’m a pro at wink and wank
This talent solves my money plans
I’m gonna start an OnlyFans

210531

210531
Did you notice?

If there is no poetry
Will they even notice?
If there are no posts from me
Will they even notice?
If no games or LEGO bricks
Will they even notice?
If no left wing politics
Will they even notice?
If no Linc or Brownie Bear
Will they even notice?
If no pix of COVID hair
Will they even notice?
If I shave off my goatee
Will they even notice?
Will I write this poetry
Just so you will notice?

210526

210526
Even my darkest night

It’s nice when a friend reaches out
No matter what it is about
A message, a card or a call
No matter how big or how small
Each time that it happens I grin
No matter how long it has been
They took the time to call or send
It matters that they are my friend

210524

210524
A message to you, Rudy

“You are very rude”
She wrote to me, I replied
“I get that a lot”

210512

210512
That text was better than sext

I’ve been stressed out to the max
Then I got some hopeful news
I’ve been scheduled for the vax
That has brightened up my blues

210505

210505
Sinko de Trumpo

From Facebook, Twitch and Twitter
Jizztrumpet is still banned
His absence makes me titter
Good people think it’s grand
On many social websites
His antics aren’t allowed
He now continues his fights
By yelling at a cloud

210503

210503
Bill Gates’ loss might be my gain

Melinda, I see you’re soon single
I am too if you want to mingle
I don’t have as much cash as Billy
While he’s smart, I’m simple and silly
You’ve had a nerd with piles of money
You should try one who’s broke and funny
If you want a goofball who’s humble
Swipe right on me when you’re on Bumble

210423

210423
My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo

There once was a man from Toledo
Who had a voracious libido
If his tinder date
Was willing to mate
He’d sink her with his pink torpedo

210405

210405
Show me your vax pix

I see so many vax pix
Each one I see gets my clicks
I also want a vax pic
But vax roll out is not quick
I will not get the vax soon
I won’t get it before June
It might take till September
Or god forbid December
I want to get a vax pic
I do not want to get sick

210329

210329
I don’t like Mondays

Today is so Monday
It just isn’t fun day
It might make me cry day
I wish it were Friday