200819
Ellen’s wet ass precipitation
Red, orange, yellow
Warnings all over the place
I hope Cork can float
Tag: Food
Poems and/or Drawings about Food.
200817
200817
Proximity paralysis
I can call you on the phone
But I still feel all alone
We could maybe even zoom
But you’re not here in this room
We could have a meal to share
But you’re not here ’cause you’re there
But the thing I really fear
Is if you were really here
200727
200727
Not all adventures need dice
A castle up the old north road
An eerie, sinister abode
A brave but sad elf was our host
He said his wife was now a ghost
We wondered why she took her life
What caused this human so much strife?
It seems our host would leave for years
She found a man to stem the tears
But when her husband reappeared
Her lover fled – the worst was feared
She had two loves, but neither one
Was there to love, so she had none
She tried to leave but when she died
Her spirit was forever tied
The host asked us to do our best
To put the lady’s soul to rest
So we asked him to tell his tale
He did and cried a mournful wail
His spectral wife then felt his love
No longer chained, she flew above
No weapon drawn, no spell was cast
But we had done what we were asked
200717
200717
Shredded cheese fajita wife
There once was a Karen named Alice
Who ordered fajitas in Dallas
She just wanted cheese
She even said please
She’s been made a meme ’cause we’re callous
200708
200708
Brownie Bear at my side
It’s always nice, it’s always nice
To have Brownie Bear at my side
It’s always nice, it’s always nice
To have Brownie Bear at my side
Look back on the Christmas lights (which Linc broke)
The tears that I cried
It’s always nice, it’s always nice
To have Brownie Bear at my side
Oh! This is the doggie that Jean and I chose
Oh! This little doggie has such a cute nose
Oh! He runs at full speed along the chain fence
Oh! Brownie’s motherfucking head is immense
Oh! When out on a walk – don’t care where he goes
Oh! His head is so big, I think it still grows
Oh! The rest of the doggies don’t wear their leads
He runs through weeds, eating the seeds
That’s what Brownie Bear needs
It’s always nice, it’s always nice
Afterwards he takes a quick doze
It’s always nice, it’s always nice
When it’s time for dinner he knows
He wants a nice treat
He wants his rawhide
Still, it’s always nice, it’s always nice
To have Brownie Bear at my side
200617
200603
200603
Bhí Jean foirfe
I will help you cook the meal
When you’re perfect – no big deal
I will help you dye your hair
You’re so perfect – I don’t care
I will help you with your pain
‘Cause you’re perfect – right as rain
I will help you to get high
Since you’re perfect – won’t ask why
I will help you Sweetie Pea
You are perfect – perfectly
200501
200501
5318008 on a calculator
There once was a woman named Helen
With each boob as big as a melon
Each night her two mitts
Were squeezing those tits
Exploring her globes like Magellan
200422
200422
No time to defecate
Tonight I’m working late
But I am not irate
When people think I’m great
It puts food on my plate
200415
200415
Feed me right meow!
Linc is sitting on the sill
But he isn’t sitting still
Opening his deadly grill
Gaping maw gives me a chill
200410
200410
What’s good about it?
Good Friday isn’t good
Can’t do the things we should
The end of lent – so what?
The pubs are all still shut!
Can’t hike a single trail
Beyond my 2K pale
Can’t visit with me mates
No piles of food on plates
No Easter eggs to hunt
‘Cause Rona is a cunt
I guess I shouldn’t whine
When most I know are fine
200330
200330
Feel the city breakin’
My kitchen doubles as a pub
My bathroom a salon
My dining room’s a country club
That looks out on my lawn
My bedroom is an office now
My living room a gym
It barely matters anyhow
When everything’s so grim
I used to work from nine to five
To properly provide
But now I work to stay alive
By staying put inside
200306
200306
Sorry Dexy
Poor old pangolin
Don’t eat him like a sloppy joe
Nor top him on your pizza dough
They have thick hide, don’t blame or slay them
It’s spread (from Wuhan)
And spread (to Milan)
Outbreaks here, there and wherever
COVID-19
Choo ah-choo ah-choo ah-choo why-ay?!?
Self isolate forever!!!
COVID-19, wash your hands (thoroughly)
If you’re coughing, do into your sleeve
We don’t possess, a means to address
Oh it’s dirty
Ah, COVID-19
COVID-19
Don’t bring it ’round here
No scanning at our airports yet
So staying inside’s our safest bet
They’ve hinted (No Paddy’s), um, say what? (No Paddy’s)
That won’t sit with us now laddie
We’ll go maddy!
Choo ah-choo ah-choo ah-choo why-ay?!?
Self isolate forever!!!
200224
200224
What is the range for Uber Eats?
This hunger might seem kind of silly
But I am craving Tommy’s chili
I want to nom it by the gallon
I blame it all on drinks with Alan
191225
191225
The first of many
Frosty morning walk
Friends, presents, eating, and drinks
Kilkenny Christmas
191211
191211
Thanks Jessica!
Two things you should know about crêpes
Is crêpes cannot be many shapes
‘Cause mostly they are round and flat
And eating them won’t make you fat
While one of those things isn’t true
I still want to eat one or two
And one or two can’t make me fat
So there is the truth and that’s that
191202
191202
Sean-Con 2019
They say you can’t go home again
But I went back and met a friend
A second friend! A third! A fourth!
So many friends I have up north
We played some games and ate good food
Which put me in a happy mood
I had some wine they drank some beer
Can’t wait to do again next year
191115
191115
What were they like before?!?
There was an old fishwife named Molly
Who helped a blue genie dodge folly
When given a wish
“I want these damn fish
To smell like my pussy by golly!”
191113
191113
It also came early
I heard there was some snow nearby
At least one flake fell from the sky
I wipe some moisture from my eye
“It’s time for fruitcake and mince pie!
The tree and lights are standing by!
I’ll get mom shoes and dad a tie!
Let’s take some pix with that fat guy!
IT’S CHRISTMAS TIME!” – my battle cry
191004
191004
Sacred sausage
There was a nun named Sister Egan
Who loved her veg ’cause she was vegan
She also liked wheat
But never touched meat
Unless it came from Father Keegan
190927
190927
Typical Friday
Stomach rumbles, need to hurry
Gonna go and eat a curry
Swallow it and now I’m groovy
Time for wine and Netflix movie
190925
190925
How do you like them apples?
Today I think I’m gonna try
To bake some apples in a pie
The fruit was grown for Sweetie Pea
I know it will taste good to me
190918
190918
Halfway to Paddy’s day
Boiling praties in a pot
Wearing wellies my mum bought
Hoping Rory score a try
Matching braces with my tie
Drying trousers out the back
Giving out and what’s the craic?
Chancing for a shift or shag
Living here is not a drag
190916
190916
I love them both
Brownie loves food and naps and walks
And he loves sticks and balls and rocks
Linc Loves Linc
Brownie loves shoes and coats and hats
And he loves birds and dogs and cats
Linc Loves Linc
Brownie loves him and them and her
And he loves smiles and tails and fur
Linc loves Linc
Brownie loves strong and sweet and stink
And he loves you and me and Linc
Linc Loves Linc
190909
190909
So blow out the candles and have a piece of cake!
It’s my day of birth, but I ain’t new
Like a deck of cards I’m 52
To my Sweetie Pea I’m Sugar Pooh
I did not move here to eat lamb stew
Count ABC’s twice to get my age
I’m like a tiger trapped in a cage
But maybe this year I’ll turn the page
They say 50 plus is such a rage
Took 52 years to get this far
I walk everywhere ’cause I’ve no car
And my birthday wish is so bizarre
But I want to be a viral star
With my rocking rhymes that have such flair
Plus drawings of Linc and Brownie Bear
Since we’re Facebook friends, I know you care
So please do your part and click on “share”
190906
190906
Another birthday rhyme
For your big day I have a treat
It’s not a meal that you can eat
It’s not a check that you can cash
It’s not a place where you can crash
It’s not a board game you can play
It’s not a dye job for that gray
It just might give a spirit lift
This poem is your birthday gift
190902
190902
Dana Andrews said prunes gave him the runes
Feeling fat – feeling bloated
Eating chips – I’m devoted
Pants too tight – my belt cinches
Need to lose – ’bout two inches
Got a plan – extreme eating
Lots of prunes – then excreting
190816
190816
Not the hypothalamus
There was a lonely man
Who had a needy gland
The throbbing in his hand
Pulsed like a reggae band
He did the deed as planned
The climax felt so grand
190809
190809
Excremential crisis
In just one month I’m 52
I have ennui and deja vu
I do not know what I should do
I could wear black or powder blue
I could eat steak or Irish stew
I could watch Jaws or something new
I could just pee or full on poo
Lord give a sign here in the loo!
190731
190731
High-jinx
A tough T-Rex named Tony
And a stoned whale named Stoney
Met at the air show in Bray
Then old Stoney and Tony
Saw a polka-dot pony
In a green field chewing hay
Tony then said to Stoney
“Here is my abalone
I must eat pony today!”
So the dinosaur crony
Watched the foul ceremony
Munching his seafood entree
That’s the story of Tony
And his stoned friend named Stoney
Gorging a path to Galway
190701
190701
Will scream for ice cream
I scream
You scream
We all scream…
It’s about fucking time it’s hot enough in
Ireland to eat ice cream!