Tag: Poo

220927

220927
One small shit for man…

NASA shot a DART
Into an asteroid
They are really smart
They’re gainfully employed

I once shit a shart
Right past my hemorrhoid
I’m still scared to fart
I’m downright paranoid

220824

220824
Must miss TV

I want to watch the TV
But Linc is very kneady
And Brownie’s sitting on me
This show is pretty crappy
And now I gotta pee pee
I’m never watching TV

220718

220718
Hot shit!

It’s the hottest day
Since 1887
33 no 1/3

220615

220615
All you can eat is not a challenge

I swiped right and went on a date
We ended up at her place
I thought that it was going great
Already was on first base
But dinner was a big buffet
I knew that this would spoil it
The gurgles started straight away
I had to use her toilet
To ghost someone is horrible
It really is a sin though
But that smell was deplorable
So I snuck out the window

220516

220516
No sawing or dropping logs

I cannot sleep while on a plane
The lack of napping is a pain
Another thing I cannot do
No matter what I cannot poo
So when I land, and have the chance
I get to do my doo doo dance
Then throw my clothes into a heap
Climb into bed and fall asleep

220506

220506
Johnny Deppshit

I woke to the song of a birdy
And there next to me was a turdy
Well that isn’t right
What happened last night?
I must have slept with Amber Heard-y!

220418

220418
Not welcome in Woodstock

By the time we got to Woodstock
I just had to make a wee
And everywhere was a tree
For my urination
And then I saw the Brownie Bear
Squatting next to three small guys
Turning laughter into cries
By his defecation
We were busted, we were scolded
So we had to beg for our pardon
And we’re not allowed to go
Back to the garden

220307

220307
It ain’t easy being green

They raised the price to light a light
And that increase was total shite
This tax came in because the greens
Said we should not use some machines
But their machines are fairly dear
And you can hardly get them here
To make things worse, inflation hit
And we still knew their plan was shit
They’re giving us 200 quid
So we’ll forget just what they did
I’ll take that dough and make a bet
That Irish voters won’t forget

220225

220225
Loathsome lunatic from Leningrad

The thing I hate most about Putin
He went into Ukraine a-shootin’
I’m gonna be blunt
The fucker’s a cunt
He struts around all highfalutin

220128

220128
Goodbye Silver Brick Road

I’m a little bit fuzzy
Got thick fur outside
When there’s a full moon
I must secretly hide
I don’t have much worry – bud
Since I’ve been bit
I pee like a dog now
And sniff their shit
I used to wear silver, ha
But now it brings woe
And it’s weird when the sun sets
That my nails start to grow
This curse is too much
‘Cause now I need flea shampoo
If I bite your leg, I’ll give it to you
And you can turn at the full moon
And run with the packs
You might get quite furry, and
Like Scooby snacks
Werewolves are maligned
Werewolves are maligned
They are put down by words
But they keep on howling
While their tails are curled

220107

220107
I don’t think she meant tobacco

The things that I do on the shitter…
Like scrolling through nonsense on Twitter
A raging debate
That caused so much hate?
A lass said she’s always a spitter

211231

211231
And don’t come back!

Goodbye to 2021
It has been real, but not real fun
Welcome to 2022
Will you be good, or stink like poo?

211215

211215
Bacardi party

The office Christmas party fun
Was started with Bacardi rum
The punch was spiked, the bongs were lit
And HR didn’t give a shit
The mistletoe was hung with care
Above the boss’s derrière
The secretaries did burlesque
While interns banged upon a desk
The salesmen want to get ahead
But it’s too hard, that’s what she said
Then Santa came in through the rear
That’s when the party got in gear
While eating snacks and drinking beer
He punched an elf and shot eight deer
This should have ended his career
But he’ll be back same time next year

211213

211213
This stinks

Come on poo
I’ll wait for you
There’s not much else that I can do
Come on poo
I think you’re due
That’s why I push until I’m blue
Come on poo
I think we’re through
You’ll always be my number two

211115

211115
The brownest month

The leaves have fallen
And Brownie’s poo is steaming
Must be November

211108

211108
Fuck State Farm too!

Steelers are black
Packers are green
Aaron Rodgers is a fucking, lying,
anti-vaxxer, piece of shit

211018

211018
Fartin’ Jay Brownbear

He put a smell on you
From his behind
In fact the house now smells like poo
Oh god – I ain’t lyin’
Linc and I can’t stand it
We’re running away
You’re still stinky Brownie
The house reeks like a shit bouquet
He put a smell on you
From his behind

211006

211006
His number one trick

I took Brownie for a walk
He went pee on every block
We had walked about a mile
When he made a young girl smile
I don’t know what made her beam
Maybe it was Brownie’s stream
Wonder if he’d been a hit
If she had seen Brownie shit

210820

210820
Happy Birthday Linc!

I have a cat, his name is Linc
His fur is soft and black as ink
His claws are sharp, his butthole pink
Around the house he likes to slink
Then disappears before I blink
He thinks that Brownie is a fink
He likes to make his boxes stink
His antics push me to the brink
So, twice a month I see a shrink
That little shit drives me to drink

210818

210818
Bad poetry day

To some folks, my poems are shitty
They’re rude, vile and stupid – not witty
They say that my drawings ain’t pretty
More worthy of scorn, not your pity
It’s fine that some find it offensive
I used to get moody and pensive
Then lash out because I’m defensive
My therapy bills were expensive
But now when my poems are hated
I won’t feel so low and deflated
The reason I’m now liberated?
Bad poetry is celebrated!

210813

210813
Don’t tell them it’s Friday the 13th

Today’s all about reinstatement
Q’s furor is an understatement
Though seven months late
It’s well worth the wait
To celebrate their overweight gent

210802

210802
And whatever else comes out of mammals

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Brownie’s main love
Is smelling poo

210712

210712
#ItsGoingRome

England suffers from football fate
They forgot to close the Southgate
Rashford, Sancho and young Saka
At penalties, they were caca
But here across the Irish Sea
No tears were shed for those missed three
We celebrate – #ItsGoingRome
Meanwhile our team never left home

210709

210709
A short burst of inconsequential information

There is a web app known as Twitter
That most people read on the shitter
Unless you’re spray tanned
And forever banned
Then you sue them ’cause you are bitter

210528

210528
Don’t bogart those plums

I’ll tell you the tale of Miss Humphrey
Who gorged herself on a packed plum tree
She ran to the loo
Got stuck as she blew
Then struggled to get her big bum free

210326

210326
Winnie’s the shit

There once was a Pooh bear named Winnie
He was pretty chubby not skinny
And I must admit
That Pooh is the shit
If you don’t like Pooh, you’re a ninny!

210219

210219
Ted fled

To Cancún Ted chose to go Cruzin’
Which Texans did not find amusin’
While his poodle froze
He packed up his clothes
And showed how a loser does losin’

210125

210125
Dumb dog devours desserts & does damp doo doo

I need to dream a little more
I need to snooze, I need to snore
But Brownie scratches at the door
He needs out and I know what for
That big, dumb dog – his tummy hurts
He runs outside, he squats and squirts
He kinda earned those shakes and spurts
He should not wolf down my desserts