181210
No shit!
When you need to number two
You can push until you’re blue
But no matter what you do
Still does not produce a poo
181207
181207
It’s time for some Crosby and Bowie
There was a nice woman named Zoe
Who made men smile when it was snowy
The use of her hand
Was certainly grand
But she preferred giving a blowy
181205
181205
Twinkle twinkle little Linc
I thought I got the tree for me
But little Linc thinks differently
A star should sit upon the peak
But that’s where Linc decides to sneak
181203
181203
Backing up to the cloud
Sweetie Pea – with me forever
Memories will hit whenever
Day or night – in any weather
So much joy we had together
Our fun scale went to eleven
Hand in hand that was our heaven
Every day I go and find her
And enjoy each sweet reminder
181130
181130
Or Nick Nolte
There once was a woman named Lucy
The gossip ’bout her was quite juicy
Said Ethel, her foe
“Her hair down below
Was shaved to look like Gary Busey”
181128
181126
181126
Disorder at the border
Once more Jizztrumpet is an ass
He authorized the use of gas
Good people shout and scream and cuss
That gas brings tears to all of us
Like Hitler this will not end well
Jizztrumpet you can go to hell!
181123
181123
She liked to get women to plow her
There was a lass named for a flower
Who was full of sexual power
She conquered her men
Again and again
Wherever she went boys would cower
181121
181121
Shiver me nimbus!
The yellow dwarf star
Was obscured by Odin’s beard
Chilling the mortals
181119
181119
A rake of shit
The Jizztrumpet rakes up the leaves
His fucking face gives me dry heaves
With Putin, Foster, Pence and May
I wish they all would blow away
181116
181116
#BeatSc
There once was a killer named OJ
Who had a slow chase on the freeway
He drove by $c
And got his degree
‘Cause murder is fine if you can play
181114
181114
Excuse me, do I have something in my teeth?
So many sounds had come before
But my heart has been silent after
I’d give my ear to hear once more
The jubilation of Jean’s laughter
181112
181112
HB Mr. B
Today could be chucked in a bin
A grounded plane with damaged skin
Another plane but had to wait
I missed the bus ’cause we were late
Then had to stand out in the cold
All the delays had gotten old
And traffic as we got to Naas
We crawled along at a snail’s pace
Then at long last, I made it home
And quickly bought Glory to Rome
‘Cause Tony said to this weekend
And I obey my foul-mouthed friend
181109
181109
He then ate a bowl of shrimp curry
There was a young fella named Murray
Who always had sex in a hurry
Each shag was a race
A furious pace
His sister was starting to worry
181107
181107
More like a blue ripple
Here is my note to voting Yanks
You passed the test, so here’s my thanks
The Senate makes me want to cuss
So all you get is a C+
181105
181105
Autumn got him!
While walking through the town
The beauty’s all around
The leaves are falling down
And scattered on the ground
The orange and the brown
Mere mortals are spellbound
181102
181102
Lend me your ear
There once was a painter named Vinny
Who liked models both fat and skinny
He frequented bars
And liked painting stars
Then shot himself just like a ninny
181031
181031
Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch Me
While I’m handing out the candy
Rocky Horror makes me randy
Sweets and treats for all the kiddies
As I stare at Janet’s titties
181029
181026
181026
German dungeon porn
There once was a fräulein from Essen
Who wanted to teach men a lesson
She said she liked boys
And all of their toys
But as it turns out she was messin’
181024
181024
Everyone there is so happy to be there
Soon I will be there in Essen
Queueing for a board game lesson
Richard, Tony, Matt and Uwe
Will show we their new games to play
Blackout: Hong Kong, Carpe Diem
I will buy ’em when I see ’em
So much playing and more buying
Pretty sure my wallet’s crying
181022
181022
It might help
The States are not United
And Britain isn’t Great
The world is more divided
So, I’ll just masturbate
181019
181019
His first mate would jangle and jingle
There once was a captain from Dingle
Who always was ready to mingle
Each brave cabin boy
Would bring him great joy
When timbers would shiver he’d tingle
181017
181017
Slán Abhaile
A visit from my old pal Scott
And he is here with Lana too
I’ve shown them all Kilkenny’s got
But now they have to bid adieu
181015
181012
181012
This happened out in the Canaries
There was a ship captain from Skerries
Naïve like a typical Aries
She asked him to show
To bramble he’d go
And rummage for his twig and berries
181010
181010
My vision vault is never blank
I know I’m prone to being frank
If TMI, give me a spank
But there are times when this old Yank
Has visions saved up in my bank
Of past lovers I’d like to thank
Or boobies squeezed into a tank
And when my engine’s set to crank
I give myself a blissful wank
181008
181008
Good grief!
There is a grief that I don’t mind
The kind you give won’t be declined
The kind I have is not OK
I want to give it all away
181005
181005
His own fields were barren or fallow
There once was a fella from Mallow
Who was without depth and quite shallow
No lass good enough
His pillow he’d fluff
And into it wank with beef tallow
181003
181003
Every word is insincere
Lifetime judge his dream career
And he really likes his beer
He’s unhinged that is quite clear
She has lived a life of fear
Jizztrumpet will taunt and jeer
Rabid fans did clap and cheer
When will this all disappear?
Hope he chokes on his next beer
181001
181001
There’s a light in the darkness of everybody’s life
I get in bed, turn off the light
And miss the things we did at night
I miss the cuddles and the spoons
So I turn on her favorite tunes
The sound of music in my ears
Helps to reduce the constant tears
I cannot sleep, try as I might
I’m not ok, but I’m alright