0820
It’s easy to draw naked stick figures
Has True Blood finally jumped the shark?
Vampires played volleyball in a park
A faerie vampire tried to marry
Jason’s girlfriend is hot but scary
Warlow is staked, and it’s quite gruesome
Alcide and Sookie are a twosome
Infected vampires look barbaric
They better not have killed off Eric!
0819
Road to know where
Yesterday, we decided to roam
No shortcuts; we took the long way home
Cutting north, we journeyed through Ojai
Climbing mountains where the brush was dry
Across the 166 we flew
Passing both Cuyamas – old and new
Some people’s nerves would be unraveled
But we enjoy the roads less traveled
0815
Takeshi still has them Beat
One of our guilty pleasures is Wipeout
We love all the slips, trips, smashes and falls
They splash in the water like spawning trout
And bounce as far as they can on Big Balls
0814
Ode on a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup
Of cups made from peanut butter
There are none better than Reese’s
Folks can claim that I’m a nutter
But I even like their pieces
If the pleated cups aren’t enough
Valentine’s day brings Reese’s hearts
Christmas means peanut butter trees
So sweet and salty, that’s the stuff!
They come in two convenient parts
One for now and then a reprise
0813
Maybe shaming will work
I saw it once, I thought it was a fluke
It happened again, and I want to puke
There’s a Paper towel in the urinal
Might be common at a bus terminal
But it’s gross when it’s at your place of work
Whoever is doing it is a jerk
0812
I drink your milkshake!
Ever had a headache
Where it feels like a snake
Is taking his lunch break
Drinking a brain milkshake
With a frontal lobe cake?
That’s what keeps me awake
0809
I think I’ll eat a torte
My knee had a huge wart
Its existence cut short
Because of the bump’s size
Which led to its demise
Today it got chopped off
Now there’s a bloody trough
I’m hirsute like an ape
Hairs were lost in the scrape
Goodbye dear friend goodbye
Where do warts go to die?
0808
Get down make love
I really miss Queen
You know what I mean?
Brian May’s smart licks
Roger Taylor’s sticks
Deacon was steady
Damn, I miss Freddie
0806
I don’t think, I know
Believing you will win
A lottery jackpot
Might give you a big grin
But you’re just a crackpot
0805
Pretty sure it’s just gross
Identifying roadkill
Is a very unique skill
Was that black clump a wild boar
Coyote, badger, deer or
Something more mundane than that?
Could that once have been a cat?
0803
More death ahead?
Another bird is dead
The sparrow had no head
Looks like Linc may have fed
Wings broken; feathers shred
The crime scene stained in red
The poor thing really bled
I wonder if it pled
Or attacked back instead
The room is filled with dread
While Linc sleeps in his bed
0801
James, we were always friends
It’s seven years ago today
My younger brother passed away
James was handsome, funny, and gay
He liked guys, he was born that way
He wasn’t flaming or cliché
But if he was, that’s still okay
Charming was in his DNA
And so witty, his jokes would slay
Often in pain, he would allay
It with a movie or a play
Or hosting friends with a soirée
But James is gone, and here I stay
While sipping on a chardonnay
I think about him everyday
0730
And not just $2
I want to win at Powerball
I really want to win it all
I want to get a big fat check
‘Cause work is a pain in the neck
0729
Kill Linc machine
Linc is doing what he loves
What he loves is killing doves
Sparrows, blue jays, and black birds
Leaving just feathers and turds
0727
A quick one to keep the streak
It’s getting late
To avoid fate
I’ll make a rhyme
And post in time
0724
Makes me want to gorge
Willie and Kate chose a name
Regal and worthy of fame
The name agrees with most folk
It’s not the butt of a joke
Oh the paths this king will forge!
‘Cause nothing bad rhymes with George
But that’s not true for Georgie
They forgot about orgy!
0723
His career is in danger
I like to show my junk to a stranger
You can DM me @Carlos Danger
I’m totally obsessed with my weiner
Vote for me, and ignore my demeanor
0722
Didn’t we fight a war to not care?
So, Kate and Willie popped out a boy
Women around the world jump for joy
From Buckingham Palace to Beijing
Such excitement for this future king
But for the moment, he’s just a prince
And all this chatter makes most men wince
0718
Who is your one?
One person can be your crutch
One person has the right touch
One person can be so clutch
One person can mean that much
0717
That stinks
When a jackass explodes a bomb because of scripture
That is something I cannot condone
How in the hell can you put that Terrorist’s picture
On the cover of the Rolling Stone?
0716
Yes pain no gain
What is going on with my back?
Did somebody give it a whack?
I can’t even fart without pain
If this keeps up, I’ll go insane
0715
It burns! It burns!
It’s not even one
I got too much sun
Will I ever learn?
Here comes the sunburn
0713
Florida you’re dead to me
Trayvon is dead, and Zimmerman is free
Florida should drop off into the sea
If you see a young dude walking through town
The worst thing to do is to shoot him down
Let the cops do their job, and leave him be
Instead the kid is dead, and you are free
0712
Unthinking head
How do you say, “Captain Sum Ting Wong”
And not know that it is clearly wrong?
Is “Ho Lee Fuk” real? Probably no
Where do you go after “Yu Tu Lo”?
Could “Bang Ding Ow”, be somebody’s name?
Did the station screw up? Who’s to blame?
0710
Paging Mr. Sandman
Jean and Sean
Were up till dawn
Because they couldn’t sleep well
Jean felt dead
With Pounding head
And Sean was in his own hell
0709
Don’t blink around Linc
Birdie birdie in the sky
Why’d you have to go and die?
Taunting Linc was not too keen
‘Cause he is a death machine
0708
Sehr gut sauerbraten
Jean cooked us up some German food
Sauerbraten was really good
Potato Dumplings and some veg
Her recipes are cutting edge
0705
You otter laugh
On Jean’s hand is a sea otter
It can’t speak when Jean drinks water
She’s not in it for the money
She just thought it would be funny
0704
Incredibly loud and extremely close
It sounds like a war zone outside
In the house Raven tries to hide
Instead of enjoying the show
We only get to see the glow
I used to like this holiday
Now I want it to go away
0703
Unsafe and insane
Happy 4th of July eve
Here’s something you won’t believe
Uncle Sam will fly his sleigh
Through the night and all the day
To bring good girls and good boys
Pyromaniacal toys
He spreads them all over town
To burn your house to the ground
0702
So far so…
182 poems put to bed
182 poems left unsaid
Now here is poem 183
It’s not about Sea Monkeys or Sweetie Pea
It’s not very funny; not much to see here
I’m simply saying, we’re halfway through the year
