Poems and/or Drawings about Hair or the lack of it.
221220
O kleiner Linc
O little Linc, o little Linc
Don’t cough another hair ball
O little Linc, o little Linc
Don’t cough another hair ball
You eat so much at breakfast time
But barf it before dinner time
O little Linc, o little Linc
Don’t cough another hair ball
221025
Cemetery girls
Well werewolf girls are chic
I really dig their fuzzy hair
And the vampire girls with the way they neck
They’ll wipe your mind with just a stare
The witches and their daughters
Always make you scream all night
And the mummy girls with the way they hug
They tie their daddies up real tight
I wish they all could be cemetery
I wish they all could be cemetery
I wish they all could be cemetery girls
220425
They’ll drool on you
My two nuts just hang around
One is black, and one is brown
Most days they’re in lazy mode
When excited, they’ll explode
My two nuts just love the craic
One is brown, and one is black
They don’t care who strokes their bum
They will stay but like to come
My two nuts have so much hair
And they leave it everywhere
If you wear a sexy dress
They will make an awful mess
My two nuts are pretty swell
Though sometimes they really smell
I will scrub them clean and neat
Till they’re good enough to eat
My two nuts are quite a pair
Pleasing babes with savoir-faire
In their hostile habitat
One’s a dog, and one’s a cat
220328
Violence is never the answer
I do feel bad for Jada’s hair
But she’s a multi-millionaire
She got compared to GI Jane
A fighter who could withstand pain
That Will Smith slap was just not right
He brought a gun to a word fight
I hope that when we disagree
That you won’t throw a punch at me
220128
Goodbye Silver Brick Road
I’m a little bit fuzzy
Got thick fur outside
When there’s a full moon
I must secretly hide
I don’t have much worry – bud
Since I’ve been bit
I pee like a dog now
And sniff their shit
I used to wear silver, ha
But now it brings woe
And it’s weird when the sun sets
That my nails start to grow
This curse is too much
‘Cause now I need flea shampoo
If I bite your leg, I’ll give it to you
And you can turn at the full moon
And run with the packs
You might get quite furry, and
Like Scooby snacks
Werewolves are maligned
Werewolves are maligned
They are put down by words
But they keep on howling
While their tails are curled
220114
Happy birthday Brownie!
A dog was born ten years ago
His fur is brown, like cookie dough
He isn’t bright, a little dense
His head is stupidly immense
He’d sell his soul to get a treat
But most of all that dog is sweet
I’ll sing him this, but he won’t care
Oh happy birthday Brownie Bear!
210924
Teeny broad the naked barber of Main Street
There once was a lass from Youghal Harbour
Who grew up to work as a barber
She thought clothes were rude
So she cut hair nude
The nuns in town wanted to garb her
210901
Long, straight, curly, fuzzy
It’s here, it’s there, I do declare
Around the house, there’s so much hair!
I sweep it up from nine to five
But I can’t stop, that hair’s alive!
It falls off Linc and Brownie Bear
It’s on the ground, it’s in the air
It’s black and brown and coarse and fine
I cannot lie, some hair is mine
It’s on the rug and every stair
It’s on the couch and every chair
It’s on my shirt, it’s on my hat
I have enough to make a cat
It’s on my face and derrière
This feckin’ hair is everywhere!
210811
Why not…?
What if Marvel made a series
Based on fans’ obsessive queries?
They could tell the same old fables
But some change would turn the tables
The Hulk is tame and not a brute
A talking raccoon says, “I’m Groot!”
And Iron Man’s not built by Stark
Instead he makes a copper shark!
Nick Fury’s still a super spy
His patch is on his other eye!
And baldy Watcher shows the diff
You know they’d call that show What If…?
210531
Did you notice?
If there is no poetry
Will they even notice?
If there are no posts from me
Will they even notice?
If no games or LEGO bricks
Will they even notice?
If no left wing politics
Will they even notice?
If no Linc or Brownie Bear
Will they even notice?
If no pix of COVID hair
Will they even notice?
If I shave off my goatee
Will they even notice?
Will I write this poetry
Just so you will notice?
210514
Dapper fapper
The dandy who dressed rather spiffy
Requested relief in a jiffy
His quaintrelle masseuse
Did swiftly deduce
His stress was contained in his stiffy
210203
Linc and Brownie speak ex cathedra
I sit upon my comfy seat
There is a cat between my feet
He’s sleeping now, it’s kind of sweet
Not screaming for more food to eat
And next to him is Brownie Bear
He covers me with his brown hair
I cannot move, I’m stuck – I swear
I think I need a bigger chair
210201
None shall pass!
On the stairs, Linc sits and waits
To attack the things he hates
Sometimes it’s poor Brownie Bear
With each pass, he loses hair
Sometimes laces on my shoes
Feel the wrath of Linc’s abuse
Wiggled fingers near the rail
Move them quick, or he’ll impale
Ninja killer on the steps
He’ll shred up your quadriceps
If I go, he’ll cut me dead
I don’t need to go to bed…
200925
You never forget your first
I once had a girlfriend named Sandy
My memories still makes me randy
With lovely blonde hair
And boobs out to there
She tasted sweet like cotton candy
200603
Bhí Jean foirfe
I will help you cook the meal
When you’re perfect – no big deal
I will help you dye your hair
You’re so perfect – I don’t care
I will help you with your pain
‘Cause you’re perfect – right as rain
I will help you to get high
Since you’re perfect – won’t ask why
I will help you Sweetie Pea
You are perfect – perfectly
200511
Just a little longer
It isn’t over yet
But I am not upset
My parents are still fine
So is that brother mine
I haven’t lost a mate
And though it isn’t great
I know it will be fine
By 2029
200311
Órfhlaith is Orla
Órfhlaith from Tralee
Has stolen mo chroí (my heart)
If we meet at dawn
She’ll be my leannán (lover)
I would rather be
Just having some spraoi (fun)
But with my heart gone
My hair has turned bán (white)
191014
I see you shiver with antici…
Now’s the time we talk of Rocky
Brad Majors was kind of cocky
Janet Weiss did not like getting
Into scenes that caused seat wetting
Dr. Frank liked looking pretty
Eddie sang a little ditty
Then he got a damn good whacking
Said the man whose neck was lacking
Dr. Scott rode in a buggy
Riff Raff was a balding druggie
And his spying sis Magenta
With Columbia would yenta
Lastly there was Frank’s creation
Who was built for fornication
More than just a midnight movie
Rocky Horror Show is groovy
190906
Another birthday rhyme
For your big day I have a treat
It’s not a meal that you can eat
It’s not a check that you can cash
It’s not a place where you can crash
It’s not a board game you can play
It’s not a dye job for that gray
It just might give a spirit lift
This poem is your birthday gift
190628
Fills me with the urge to…
The Jizztrumpet fills me with hate
I get so mad I defecate
I loathe his hair and orange skin
Those lips above his triple chin
His tiny hands and belly size
Compel me to avert my eyes
Though not the last – another gripe
As leaders go he’s not my type
190617
I hope you win
I see you there
With your short hair
I hope you win your fight
You must be strong
For so, so long
You battle day and night
Your friends have shown
You’re not alone
They’re always there with you
I know you not
But now you’ve got
Another ally too
190419
Immaculate perception
I cleaned the house because it’s Spring
I scrubbed the floors and everything
I dusted here, I dusted there
I found a ton of Brownie hair
I washed the dishes in the sink
I picked up after little Linc
I swept so hard my fingers bled
And now it’s time to go to bed
190308
There’s a Ruaidhrí in my curry
There once was a fella named Ruaidhrí
Who was legendarily furry
The hair on his back
Arms, legs and ball sack
Scared women away in a hurry
190215
I’ll boldly go!
A red-head on Star Trek named Tilly
Is brainy and friendly and silly
At first a cadet
Then Klingon War vet
She gives we warp nine in my willy
190130
Ignoble warming
When it gets to -1
Go outside for icy fun
When it gets to -2
Ears and nose start turning blue
When it gets to -3
Snot freezes on my goatee
When it gets to -4
Milk and bread brawls at the store
When it gets to -5
That’s when snowmen come alive
When it gets to -6
Beat them back with burning sticks
-7, -8
Cold War isn’t going great
When it gets to -9
Frosty’s friends are looking fine
When it gets to -10
Build snow women for snowmen
Only way to win this war
Go inside and shut the door
181130
Or Nick Nolte
There once was a woman named Lucy
The gossip ’bout her was quite juicy
Said Ethel, her foe
“Her hair down below
Was shaved to look like Gary Busey”
180806
The trouble with stubble
Kissing scruff can cause beard burn
It’s a badge that’s fun to earn
Folks can also get ‘stache rash
It turns up when faces smash
Stubble might lead to red bumps
Trouble signs of hairy humps
Whiskers tickle cheeks and lips
Up above or down by hips
If you find a face that’s cute
Take some care if it’s hirsute
180709
I’d rather she looked like Curly
There once was a woman from Kerry
Who rarely shaved so she was hairy
Of course down below
She grew quite a ‘fro
And looked like the Stooge known as Larry
170916
Is a dream a lie if it don’t come true?
I dreamed of Jean again last night
Her beaming smile so big and bright
Her pretty face, her curly hair
Those eyes that loved without a care
It was as if she was still here
Then I awoke and shed a tear
This happens every single day
I hope it never goes away
170123
0 days without a lie
A lie is a lie is a lie
And this one is too big to buy
Don’t tell me I need to relax
Stop calling it alternate facts
Newspeak is always rejected
Alt facts are always corrected
If we cannot trust every word
We’ll flush you like a hairy turd
161207
Godwin can suck it!
Hitler and Trump – though years apart
Hitler and Trump – the same at heart
Hitler and Trump – pledged to make great
Hitler and Trump – hotheads first-rate
Hitler and Trump – both like to blame
Hitler and Trump – have hair that’s lame
Hitler and Trump – hatred and fear
Hitler and Trump – men of the year
