Poems and/or Drawings about Drinking Alcohol and/or getting Drunk.
230903
Happy not a ghost day!
It’s time to rhyme your birthday post
I think you’ll like this one the most
The reason I can make this boast
Is ’cause I am not yet a ghost
Since you are I are both still here
I wish you happiness and cheer
So have a drink of wine or beer
And I’ll be back this time next year
221209
‘Tis the season to get baked
Last Christmas Eve, I smoked a bowl
And met Saint Nick at the North Pole
The reindeer flew, we played with elves
Then got some sweets to stuff ourselves
We had some drinks, and he got pissed
So I checked out his Christmas list
I found your name, and you’re marked nice
I’m in the naughty column twice!
He sobered up and went to work
He filled his sleigh and gave a smirk
“Next Christmas you’ll get what you need
As long as I can smoke your weed!”
So I whipped out my trusty bong
He inhaled deep, he inhaled long
“I thank you for this killer grass
It knocked me on my jolly ass
Next year you’ll meet a wee cailín
A lovely Irish lass named Jeanne”
No longer will my heart be blue
My verdant Christmas wish came true!
221125
The Late Late Toy Show
A TV presenter named Ryan
Shows kids toys that we should be buyin’
We look at that junk
To get good and drunk
And have a nice Saturday lie in
220819
She wasn’t that choosy
There once was a woman named Susie
Who everyone called the town floozy
Gross men by the score
Would party and more
Right there in her filthy jacuzzi
220810
Cold pints will have to do
It’s hot this August night
To me, it’s a delight
The Irish think it’s not
To them it’s too damn hot
They’re sweating in this heat
And melting in the street
There’s nowhere they can be
The pubs don’t have AC!
220720
Schrödinger’s Linc
Little Linc, Little Linc
He’s the best cat, don’t you think?
Little Linc, Little Linc
Fur is black and tongue is pink
Little Linc, Little Linc
Sleeping near the kitchen sink
Little Linc, Little Linc
Into my room, he does slink
Little Linc, Little Linc
He gives me an evil wink
Little Linc, Little Linc
He will claw me if I blink
Little Linc, Little Linc
He’s the reason that I drink
Little Linc, Little Linc
He might kill me, don’t you think?
220704
Happy treason day
In the US, all good things are gone
I loved it all my life
But I moved to start again
To get away from hate and strife
I thank my lucky stars
To be living here today
‘Cause this flag still stands for freedom
And they can’t take that away
And I’m proud to be an Irishman
Where at least I know I’m free
And I won’t forget the Jizztrumpet
He fucked my old country
And I’d gladly stand up at the bar
And get asked, “Are you okay?”
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt
That christians have
Ruined the USA
220701
His mitre was quite ostentatious
A bishop who folks called Ignatius
Would drink beer and get quite pugnacious
He’d punch a few nuns
Then shoot off some guns
His sermons were lewd and salacious
220613
Cardboard conundrum
Solving puzzles can be risky
When you’re drinking wine or whiskey
The small pieces will stop fitting
And in time you’ll end up quitting
Cardboard corners will start bending
And you’ll never see the ending
If it’s cab sav that you guzzle
Do not start a jigsaw puzzle
220422
His willy got woolly
There once was a wild Irish rover
Who tended to sheep as a drover
One night on the piss
A ewe gave a kiss
Then each night he got drunk all over
220221
So much in common
He likes to talk
She likes to walk
He likes to dine
She likes red wine
He likes TV
She likes the sea
He likes to screw
She likes it too
220131
Meatless Mondays
I love cheese pasta made with pesto
It has no meat but still’s the best-o
I love it when it’s paired with vino
It has no meat but still is keen-o
220126
Don’t peek, but this peak piques my interest
To me the numbers still seem bleak
But it looks like we’re past the peak
I still will mask and wash my hands
But now I’ll go to see live bands
211224
Christmas with the cats
It’s time for joy and festive cheer
But things are different this year
I could not get back to the states
So now I’ll spend it with me mates
They’re wearing black and amber hats
This year it’s Christmas with the cats
It’s not the same and that’s ok
I’ll celebrate a brand new way
Just like LA it won’t be white
But over here, the weather’s shite
My parents send me online chats
This year it’s Christmas with the cats
I want to party till it’s late
But this year pubs will close at eight
No ugly sweaters on display
No pub crawls on St. Stephen’s Day
I blame the feckin’ bureaucrats
This year it’s Christmas with the cats
I have to bring a biscuit tin
Or else my friends won’t let me in
The wine is mulled, the pudding’s plum
The pies have mince, yeah that sounds dumb
The yummy sweets – the tasty fats
This year it’s Christmas with the cats
211215
Bacardi party
The office Christmas party fun
Was started with Bacardi rum
The punch was spiked, the bongs were lit
And HR didn’t give a shit
The mistletoe was hung with care
Above the boss’s derrière
The secretaries did burlesque
While interns banged upon a desk
The salesmen want to get ahead
But it’s too hard, that’s what she said
Then Santa came in through the rear
That’s when the party got in gear
While eating snacks and drinking beer
He punched an elf and shot eight deer
This should have ended his career
But he’ll be back same time next year
211029
Goblin girls
There once was a green little goblin
Her wife and she often were squabblin’
So they’d get some drink
Until they were pink
And come home three sheets and a wobblin’
210927
Going off the furrow
I don’t know what I’m drinking
I’ve fallen off three wagons
My brain has started thinking
Do all dungeons have dragons?
Can you cry under water?
Did Prince own any plain clothes?
Does laughter lead to slaughter?
Do unicorns fart rainbows?
210906
Wish you were here
It’s time to celebrate your birth
A trip around the sun from Earth
It’s time for posts from friends and kin
And getting drunk with bathtub gin
I hope you get to raise some hell
And barring that, I hope it’s swell
So lift your glass and give a cheer
You’ve made it through another year!
210820
Happy Birthday Linc!
I have a cat, his name is Linc
His fur is soft and black as ink
His claws are sharp, his butthole pink
Around the house he likes to slink
Then disappears before I blink
He thinks that Brownie is a fink
He likes to make his boxes stink
His antics push me to the brink
So, twice a month I see a shrink
That little shit drives me to drink
210628
Late night – late light
Not to worry yet
The days are getting shorter
But it’s light at 10
210609
Second jab is Saturday
Listing my imagination
After second vaccination
I can take a plane to Cali
Or go hike the Great Rift Valley
I can visit my relations
Hug and touch to feel sensations
See the Dead in Sarasota
Or twine ball in Minnesota
I can go to Spain and Quito
Searching for the best burrito
I can play games at conventions
Smoke weed and explore dimensions
I can have a pint of cider
I can put my tip inside her
I might burst just like a geyser
After second jab of Pfizer
210607
Walk Brownie walk
Walked with Brownie really far
Walked downtown past Ryan’s Bar
We walked past outdoor cafes
People basking in sunrays
We saw shops with fish and meat
Brownie thought he’d earned a treat
We walked past the new skate park
And small dogs that always bark
We walked past a donut shop
Brownie wouldn’t let me stop
We saw people all around
Life returning to this town
We crossed bridges here and there
I walked far with Brownie Bear
210519
Birthday bear hugs
Happy birthday to Louise
You should do all that you please
Drink white wine, and eat sharp cheese
Teach the world like Socrates
Celebrate your expertise
Hope you get an ursine squeeze
210507
At the Y I’ll dine
It’s almost nine
I’m out of wine
These guys are mine
I’m feeling fine
201218
Hide the reindeer sausage
There once was a reindeer named Donner
To serve Santa Claus was his honor
He used his esteem
To hustle and scheme
A young elven lass and get on her
201214
My jingle jangled
Letting myself go
Don’t care how much I weigh
Sweets and cookie dough
Gorging all the way
Hanging out with Linc
He is not too bright
I’ll sit back and quaff my drink
I’ve had enough tonight!
Brownie smells, Brownie smells
Brownie smells all day
He’s no fun to sit beside
His farts will make you pay
Brownie smells, Brownie smells
Brownie smells all day
He’s no fun to sit beside
His farts will make you pay
201125
I’m thankful for this frozen pizza
I set the table – a grand display
The wine is flowing – hors d’oeuvres all day
I have never seen so many sides
Green bean casserole and sprouts besides
Candied yams, macaroni and cheese
Pass the potatoes and gravy please
Hot rolls and butter up the wazoo
I did not forget – cranberries too!
This roast turkey is driving me cray
With it’s intoxicating bouquet
Stuffing with bacon, onion and rye
A whipped cream dollop on pumpkin pie
While pondering festive foods I crave
The timer sounds on the microwave
Awakened from my autumnal trance
These fanciful treats won’t cause expanse
I won’t endure tryptophan syndrome
My Thanksgiving dream away from home
200921
The culchies can drink!
They’re open!
They’re really open!
We don’t need chips with pints
The pubs are open!
They’re open!
Thank Christ they’re open!
It’s time to have some craic
The pubs are open!
They’re open!
They’re feckin’ open!
Let’s all have one tonight
The pubs are open!
200907
Dear Micheál, show prudence
Dear Micheál, can’t we go out to play?
Dear Micheál, open pubs today
The Dutch can drink, the Greeks can too
And everyone in the EU
Dear Micheál, can’t we go out to play?
Dear Micheál, open up the pubs
Dear Micheál, don’t forget nightclubs
We want to drink and shake our hips
Why do I need to order chips?
Dear Micheál, won’t you open up the pubs?
Dear Micheál, let us drink and smile
Dear Micheál, we’ve been good a while
We’d like to buy some pints to drain
We want to drink and smile again
Dear Micheál, won’t you let us drink and smile?
Dear Micheál, can’t we go out to play?
Dear Micheál, open pubs today
The Dutch can drink, the Greeks can too
And everyone in the EU
Dear Micheál, can’t we go out to play?
200713
The more you know
Here’s a helpful tip
If you have work due at nine
Don’t drink before eight
