Tag: Bed

181109

181109
He then ate a bowl of shrimp curry

There was a young fella named Murray
Who always had sex in a hurry
Each shag was a race
A furious pace
His sister was starting to worry

181022

181022
It might help

The States are not United
And Britain isn’t Great
The world is more divided
So, I’ll just masturbate

I know I’m prone to being frank
If TMI, give me a spank
But there are times when this old Yank
Has visions saved up in my bank
Of past lovers I’d like to thank
Or boobies squeezed into a tank
And when my engine’s set to crank
I give myself a blissful wank

181005

181005
His own fields were barren or fallow

There once was a fella from Mallow
Who was without depth and quite shallow
No lass good enough
His pillow he’d fluff
And into it wank with beef tallow

181001

181001
There’s a light in the darkness of everybody’s life

I get in bed, turn off the light
And miss the things we did at night
I miss the cuddles and the spoons
So I turn on her favorite tunes
The sound of music in my ears
Helps to reduce the constant tears
I cannot sleep, try as I might
I’m not ok, but I’m alright

180921

180921
No “o” mon

There once was a gal from Jamaica
Who would dance and knew how to shake-a
When in the right mood
She’d bed a fine dude
But end up by needing to fake-a

180907

180907
She was pretty and pretty crazy

There once was a woman named Daisy
She laid in bed, but wasn’t lazy
A fave of the lads
Their uncles and dads
She left them all happy and hazy

180817

180817
Three to one odds

There once was a lad named Fitzpatrick
In football he tallied a hat trick
His favorite game
Was given a name
Three women in bed was a cat trick

180727

180727
Forever and ever

When you lose someone to cancer
Paying tribute is the answer
Memories you cannot sever
Because they loved you forever

180611

180611
He refused

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Robert DeNiro
#FuckTrump

180601

180601
Don’t mind the socks

1,000 poems
The only thing I’ve done more
Is pleasure myself

180402

180402
Thanks FB Marketplace

I thought it would be really rough
But I just sold all of my stuff
Within this house, there’s just a bed
So I can rest my weary head

180219

180219
Or wear your socks to bed

Chilly nights get awfully lonely
When you’ve lost your one and only
So that you don’t feel defeated
Make sure that your bed is heated

180216

180216
#OrcCon2018

Scott and I played many games
Pairs, Loot Letter, and Codenames
Clank! and Lords of Waterdeep
Now it’s time to go to sleep

170916

170916
Is a dream a lie if it don’t come true?

I dreamed of Jean again last night
Her beaming smile so big and bright
Her pretty face, her curly hair
Those eyes that loved without a care
It was as if she was still here
Then I awoke and shed a tear
This happens every single day
I hope it never goes away

170626

170626
I’d like to Slytherin your Gryffindor

There once was a Potter named Harry
Who fought against foes that were scary
But his greatest dread
Performing in bed
His wand work was quite ordinary

170614

170614
We will take what you can give

We need your good thoughts
We need your love and friendship
Now more than ever

170607

170607
As good as chicken soup

Nothing really sounds that yummy
When you have an upset tummy
At both ends you feel real crummy
Only cure’s a kiss from mummy

170531

170531
Sleep tight don’t let the covfefes bite

“Despite the constant
Negative press covfefe
I wrote a haiku”

170515

170515
Essiac and soursop

Every night I make the tea
For my little Sweetie Pea
Hoping that this is the key
For her to be cancer free

170322

170322
We’re the best! Yes we are!

We are feeble-minded folks
Every night, the same dumb jokes
We think that we’re such a hoot
Simple, but at least we’re cute

170303

170303
The play’s the thing

We had a real good day
We went to see a play
We had a real good night
We got a tasty bite
Into our bed we creep
It’s time to go to sleep

170116

170116
Will we ever wake up?

I had a dream, but it’s over
Deceased like that dead dog Rover
The Jizztrumpet’s Russian affair
Will soon be our noxious nightmare

170106

170106
Spoons solve situations

If your day was one big muddle
When you dropped stuff in a puddle
And your wine does not befuddle
Problem solved with one big cuddle

161017

161017
Keep sending good thoughts

Old doc’s treatment had been subpar
So I took Jean to the ER
New doc came in with an answer
Now we know it’s fucking cancer
Been in pain, and three months later
Clearly old doc was a traitor
Bad news isn’t ever easy
And I know that this sounds cheesy
Sweetie Pea is a big brawler
She will make the tumors smaller
Your support has been tremendous
Thanks for all the love you send us