Poems and/or Drawings about Wild Animals, Livestock and Creepy Crawly Things.
200701
I didn’t kiss it!
Most every day, I walk my dog
And on one walk, we found a frog
It was not jumping on a log
Or hiding in a stinky bog
We found it near a busy road
Perhaps in fact it was a toad
It hopped around and never slowed
So I walked home to my abode
200615
Shocking grasp
One day the lady Seraphin
Sat down upon an old coffin
And right there where the lady sat
Appeared a giant feckin’ rat
Most ladies would scream, cry and gasp
Yer one struck with a shocking grasp
The tail did burn, the rat was charred
A fearsome sight so says this bard
200424
That flick with his tail – quite a tricky
There once was a rodent named Mickey
Who asked Minnie Mouse for a quickie
She laughed in his face
That being the case
He banged Betty Boop with his dickey
200417
Armadillo in his trousers
There once was a fella named Noel
Some say he was hung like a foal
He tried to pooh-pooh
But everyone knew
That lump in his pants wasn’t coal
200306
Sorry Dexy
Poor old pangolin
Don’t eat him like a sloppy joe
Nor top him on your pizza dough
They have thick hide, don’t blame or slay them
It’s spread (from Wuhan)
And spread (to Milan)
Outbreaks here, there and wherever
COVID-19
Choo ah-choo ah-choo ah-choo why-ay?!?
Self isolate forever!!!
COVID-19, wash your hands (thoroughly)
If you’re coughing, do into your sleeve
We don’t possess, a means to address
Oh it’s dirty
Ah, COVID-19
COVID-19
Don’t bring it ’round here
No scanning at our airports yet
So staying inside’s our safest bet
They’ve hinted (No Paddy’s), um, say what? (No Paddy’s)
That won’t sit with us now laddie
We’ll go maddy!
Choo ah-choo ah-choo ah-choo why-ay?!?
Self isolate forever!!!
190923
Greta can’t sleep
Big business has stolen the young people’s dreams
They poison the oceans, lakes, rivers and streams
Compostable products like bags, cups and straws
Make them stacks of money all done “for the cause”
190920
She got a little wider
One Friday while drinking a cider
A knock at the door was a spider
She first swallowed me
Then Linc and Brownie
Then all of us lived there inside her
190916
I love them both
Brownie loves food and naps and walks
And he loves sticks and balls and rocks
Linc Loves Linc
Brownie loves shoes and coats and hats
And he loves birds and dogs and cats
Linc Loves Linc
Brownie loves him and them and her
And he loves smiles and tails and fur
Linc loves Linc
Brownie loves strong and sweet and stink
And he loves you and me and Linc
Linc Loves Linc
190909
So blow out the candles and have a piece of cake!
It’s my day of birth, but I ain’t new
Like a deck of cards I’m 52
To my Sweetie Pea I’m Sugar Pooh
I did not move here to eat lamb stew
Count ABC’s twice to get my age
I’m like a tiger trapped in a cage
But maybe this year I’ll turn the page
They say 50 plus is such a rage
Took 52 years to get this far
I walk everywhere ’cause I’ve no car
And my birthday wish is so bizarre
But I want to be a viral star
With my rocking rhymes that have such flair
Plus drawings of Linc and Brownie Bear
Since we’re Facebook friends, I know you care
So please do your part and click on “share”
190828
Ate legs good – eight legs bad
Creepy crawly – big and hairy
Eight legs skitter – really scary
Thought it might attack my kitty
Or cause havoc in the city
Then it bolted into laundry
Which causes this queasy quandary
Should the pile go in the drier
Or just set the house on fire?
190731
High-jinx
A tough T-Rex named Tony
And a stoned whale named Stoney
Met at the air show in Bray
Then old Stoney and Tony
Saw a polka-dot pony
In a green field chewing hay
Tony then said to Stoney
“Here is my abalone
I must eat pony today!”
So the dinosaur crony
Watched the foul ceremony
Munching his seafood entree
That’s the story of Tony
And his stoned friend named Stoney
Gorging a path to Galway
190703
Fantastic flora and fauna
I’m helping Hagrid
Save Buckbeak and unicorns
A long walk improved
190527
Póg mo thóin
Drive around the Emerald Isle
Cows and sheep mile after mile
Gorgeous views and verdant grass
Don’t like this? Then kiss my ass!
190513
Then get eaten by a dingo
Monday night is time for BINGO!
Little ladies love their lingo
Lucky charm’s a pink flamingo
When they win, you’ll hear them sing-o
181221
He went down on history
A crimson-nosed reindeer named Rudy
A loner, both sullen and moody
When he was depressed
What made him feel best
Was dressing like Cher, Madge and Judy
180305
Subpoena Sam
There is a Sam under subpoena
Who’s crazier than a hyena
He’s either a drunk
Or Roger Stone’s punk
He needs to flee to Argentina
180124
Grassy ass
Fluffy kitty in the grass
Please let me and Brownie pass
We are going for a walk
You don’t have to be a cock
Fluffy kitty in the grass
Stands his ground ‘cause he’s an ass
Brownie wants to make him pay
But we walk the other way
170927
She’s Aoife to my Strongbow
Through Waterford I went a hiking
I saw some crystal and a Viking
A moment was seized
Jean’s ashes released
This place would have been to her liking
170529
Can’t wait for Volume 3!
There once was a raccoon named Rocket
His friend Groot could fit in his pocket
He’s covered in fur
But one thing’s for sure
His tail won’t be worn by a Crockett
170519
It’s a piss poor day
Sitting, trying to excrete
Earwig on the toilet seat!
Makes me jump in a heartbeat
Frantically I cry and bleat
Then I dribble on my feet
Grotesque insect so petite
Grab it with a two-ply sheet
Wad it up all tight and neat
Flush it down so indiscreet
Victory is bittersweet
170206
Inspired by Peter Paul & Mary
Fuffle the Dragon will get you cancer free
So you can live a happy life and be a Sweetie Pea
Little Jeannie wore her on a silver chain
So she could do the normal stuff free from all that pain
170203
Eat them up – yum!
There once was a dragon named Fuffle
Who lived in the side of a rough hill
It’s not a rumor
She’ll eat your tumor
And poo it out to make a truffle
161024
I backed #BEARSvsBABIES
Bears versus babies
We all know that bears would win
Because of lasers
160803
How proud they must be
The family who sacrificed is known as Khan
Their hero son was lost in war, we honor them
The family we know as Trump, their job is con
Their awful son shoots animals, ain’t he a gem?
150925
Good luck All Blacks!
Our two week trip is at an end
Into a cave we did descend
The glow worms shined as bright as stars
Like fireflies caught in blue jars
We’ve seen and done so many things
Hobbiton from Lord of the Rings
We ate food cooked over tea tree
But never saw a brown kiwi
150819
My anaconda don’t want none
How do birds whistle when then don’t have lips?
Why won’t wales land walk when they do have hips?
How do rock lobsters go to sleep on rocks?
Why don’t snakes fuck more since they have two cocks?
150729
Kill a lion lose your business seems fair
If you want to kill a lion
You’re a dick there’s no denyin’
It’s one thing to shoot a weasel
But why’d you go and shoot Cecil?
You spent a lot to take a life
Better spent on a battered wife
Now you’ve given us a reason
To start dentist hunting season
150415
He waggle danced across my hood
Mr. Bee, you’re on my car
Are you trying to go far?
I sped up, and off you flew
Didn’t get to bid adieu
150401
A hot foot is a cold caper
Here are some rules
For April Fools
Know who to jape
Don’t scare an ape
Know what to joke
No death or stroke
Know where to prank
Don’t kid a bank
Know why to fool
Don’t be a tool
Know how to trick
Master the slick
Know when to jest
You’ll be the best
150318
Don’t be misled there’s always bed
I think I’ll just go back to bed
Wind blew the hat off of my head
My jeans don’t fit ’cause I’m too fat
My only friend’s a one-eyed cat
I found a bug in my sandwich
I drove my car into a ditch
I owe way more than I can pay
I got shit on by a blue jay
My job is slowly killing me
It sometimes hurts when I go pee
My doctor says I’ll soon be dead
I think I’ll just go back to bed
