210426
Concealed in Cork
Someone won the jackpot
Making me a crackpot
They won’t think it’s funny
That I have no money
Since I have no bounty
Better leave the county
210423
210423
My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo
There once was a man from Toledo
Who had a voracious libido
If his tinder date
Was willing to mate
He’d sink her with his pink torpedo
210421
210421
The road to anywhere
Before you end up on a gurney
Make sure you plan a jaunty journey
Look at the map, pick a direction
It does not have to meet perfection
If flawless becomes your fixation
You’ll never find your destination
The purpose of this merry mission
To have fun on your expedition
So pick a route and start your roaming
To Wexford, Wicklow or Wyoming
To go somewhere beats going nowhere
Appreciate just how you got there
210419
210419
I’m a giver
With women’s gifts, I am a master
And this tip should avoid disaster
When buying something for your steady
Don’t get them roses or a teddy
They don’t much care for cars or rockets
Just buy them dresses that have pockets
210416
210416
As sidekick to Cap he was plucky
There once was a soldier named Bucky
Who fell from a train but was lucky
He lost his left arm
But no other harm
His new metal arm isn’t sucky
210414
210414
Blood, privilege and cold
A new Cap in red, white and blue
Without serum, he’s just like you
He’s beaten up by two black chicks
A red-head girl gets in some kicks
His pride is hurt and so’s his friend
His means will justify the end
But will he change with this one vial?
Will he be good or become vile?
His hatefulness is now revealed
He’ll end you with his fucking shield!
210412
210412
The flowers are underwater
An Irish April
The perfunctory showers
Will bring May showers
210409
210409
Who converted whom?
There once was a Mormon on mission
Who learned he’d a unique condition
When he would convert
He then couldn’t squirt
Unless in the doggie position
210407
210407
207 dreadful days…
The next real fun is Halloween
From now to then there’s naught between
So while my Xmas tree’s still up
I’m busting out my pumpkin cup!
210405
210405
Show me your vax pix
I see so many vax pix
Each one I see gets my clicks
I also want a vax pic
But vax roll out is not quick
I will not get the vax soon
I won’t get it before June
It might take till September
Or god forbid December
I want to get a vax pic
I do not want to get sick
210402
210402
Lent is over!
There once was a sweet baby Jesus
Who did all he could just to please us
Then nailed to two planks
We show our deep thanks
With baskets of eggs and Maltesers
210331
210331
Transgender Day of Visibility
Light blue, pink and white
I see my transgender friends
You are visible
210329
210329
I don’t like Mondays
Today is so Monday
It just isn’t fun day
It might make me cry day
I wish it were Friday
210326
210326
Winnie’s the shit
There once was a Pooh bear named Winnie
He was pretty chubby not skinny
And I must admit
That Pooh is the shit
If you don’t like Pooh, you’re a ninny!
210324
210324
Ever Given is giving nightmares
You would be everyone’s least favorite pal
If your boat blocked up the Suez Canal
Kickstarted board games will lift my morale
Unless they’re stuck in the Suez Canal
As poems go this is dull and banal
But not as fucked as the Suez Canal
210322
210322
Sean is awkward dot com
Awkward isn’t hot
Awkward’s all I got
Awkward’s not a lot
Awkward’s my last shot
210319
210319
And then they were married
A handsome young diver in Kerry
Was asked where he’s from by sweet Mary
He said quick enough
That he was from Muff
That Muff diver made Mary merry
210317
210317
Crappy Paddy’s Day – the sequel
All Irish lassies and their laddies
Will be missing another Paddy’s
They’ll have to have craic another way
Éirinn go Brách ’till next Paddy’s Day
210315
210315
It’s the same old meme since twenty-nineteen
Another year goes badly
Paddy’s sadly voided
And deniers, stoked the fires
Should have been avoided
And you see, that to me
They hate my family
With no masks, and false facts, they’re denying
With our masks and our jabs
And our jabs made in labs
Wash your hands, stay inside, we are crying!
COVID sucks, COVID sucks
CO-O-VID, CO-O-VID, CO-O-VID-VID-VID
When will this end, will it end?
CO-O-VID, CO-O-VID, CO-O-VID-VID-VID-VID, oh
210312
210312
Still at level five
There once was a woman named Bronagh
Who wanted to visit Verona
But thanks to lockdown
She can’t leave her town
All thanks to the virus Corona
210310
210310
The Killin’ Irish!
I’m glad I’m not a bride
And living in Kilbride
I’d never drive my car
So near to Kilmacar
Way down in Kilmacow
I’d hate to be a cow
And in Killinaspick
I’d hate to be a cow
210308
210308
Leave your jewels in the bank and buy a revolver
Fair play to Constance Markievicz
A Polish “noble” she did hitch
A countess and a suffragette
A revolutionary threat
First woman in the parliament
She railed against establishment
A foe to Churchill and Lloyd George
A new nation she helped to forge
Keen with a rifle and her wits
In Stephen’s Green she shot the Brits
A friend to Yeats and to the poor
She showed the British to the door
210305
210305
Taoiseach Me-hole!
A Martin named Micheál is Taoiseach
This leak about him gives a wee shock
He has beady eyes
Because ‘tween his thighs
He has trouble finding his wee cock
210303
210303
Dating in Ireland
I wanted a ride, but she gave me a lift
I asked for a kiss, but she gave me the shift
I wanted a friend, but she said I’m her mate
She’s taking the piss, this is such a weird date
210301
210301
I hope someone will say – fair play!
I get food from the take-away
And Monday week is next Monday
When driving over to Galway
I take the Dual Carriageway
Post X-mas is St. Stephen’s Day
And fourteen stones is what I weigh
The pitch is where the hurlers play
I keep on learning every day
210226
210226
Oh snap!
A couple named Vision and Wanda
Should never have gone to Wakanda
First killed by his wife
Then Thanos took life
What happened to Vizh is a shanda
210224
210224
That’s awful! Awful funny!
This bears repeating
And it’s my breathing mantra
Rush Limbaugh is dead
210222
210222
Breathe breathe in the air
When my blood begins to seethe
That is when I need to breathe
Just a deep and simple breath
Will help me to fend off death
210219
210219
Ted fled
To Cancún Ted chose to go Cruzin’
Which Texans did not find amusin’
While his poodle froze
He packed up his clothes
And showed how a loser does losin’
210217
210215
210215
Chunder the wonder jockey
A dwarf was in a Dino race
You should have seen his smiling face
They started at a mighty pace
He fell behind but soon gave chase
Though his first time, he rode with grace
Beginners luck could be the case
That dwarf he rode just like an ace
And so he finished in first place!