Category: Ridiculous Rhymes

0701

0701
I need SPF googol

First day of July
Sun up in the sky
Making my skin fry
Think I’m gonna cry

Trying to beat the heat of summer
Feeling a bit sick; what a bummer
Hiding away from our yellow star
Freeing up space on our DVR
We watched everything from Family Tree
To Doctor Who, Veep and AGT
That might have been too much to disclose
Please don’t judge us for our silly shows

0628

0628
Get along little druggie

We drugged up our doggie
She’s still a bit groggy
But better than barking
At neighbors just parking
So, if we hear loud pops
We give her knockout drops

0626

0626
Hoping for an invite

SCOTUS declares DOMA is bad
Prop 8 too, making nut jobs mad
So the ladies and the fellas
Tie the knot and make them jealous
Because crazies always look drab
And the fellas always look fab

0625

0625
SCOTUS screwed us

The Supreme Court is wrong about the South
From ID laws to Paula Dean’s big mouth
To fried chicken jokes and country club gates
Racism still exists in rebel states

0622

0622
It was a mighty dong

We walked block after block after block
To see the Astronomical Clock
Bing bong dong bing bong dong bing bong dong
Sounded the Astronomical Gong

0621

0621
I <3 my little klutz

Jean and I were on a bog
Then we flew over to Prague
Took a train to Germany
The birthplace of Jean’s Granny
Back to Prague by way of train
Poor Jean’s ankle got a sprain
Hard to walk with such a bruise
So we took a dinner cruise
A gorgeous night with my mate
Caused by a strange twist of fate

0620

0620
Bohemian back sweaty

Humid and hot
We like it not
Sweat on the train
With chance of rain
AC Broken
Dank smell of men
4 hour trip
With constant drip

0618

0618
Traiňs are äwesome

Leaving Prague by way of train
River’s swollen from the rain
Meadows full of red poppies
Hard to see through tall green trees
Fields of hay are cut and rolled
Trolley brings us something cold
Plzeň has a huge train yard
Crossing border with no guard
Now we leave Bohemia
And enter Bavaria
Bug flies in through the window
Jean laughs at how wild I go
I thrash about and kick it
Fräulein punches our ticket
It’s just about half past five
When Regensburg, we arrive

0613

0613
And don’t call me Shirley

We’re leaving on a jet plane
Going to Europe again
Questions floating through my head
Why don’t airplanes have a bed?
Who likes to eat airplane grub?
Should we join the mile high club?
What is the inflight movie?
Either way, it’s all groovy

0612

0612
Vacation’s all I ever wanted

Work is done, I’m on vacation
Off to cousin’s celebration
An Irish Wedding in Galway
Then Czech Republic for short stay
We’ll take a train to Germany
Bavaria is where we’ll be
Back to Prague for a day or three
A long ass flight ends our journey

0611

0611
Almost time for Europe

In the Game of Spanish TV
You air, or you get preempted
I will only assign copy
If my temper is not tempted

0610

0610
Spring can’t come soon enough

Drink your wine and drown in your beer
Game of Thrones is done for the year
Hard to top what happened last week
But Ramsay tries by taunting “Reek”
Tywin and son have a good talk
Balon Greyjoy gets a used cock
Yara sails for the Narrow Sea
Jaime reunites with Cersei
Lord Varys does not impress Shae
Davos helps Gendry get away
Stannis may fight beyond the wall
Dragon Girl is mother to all
Most think that Sansa is last Stark
Arya’s bite is worse than Hound’s bark
Ygritte with her bow and arrow
Points out “You know nothing Jon Snow”
Sam and Gilly find secret door
Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor

0608

0608
World’s biggest lapdog

Raven really hates fireworks
She’s so scared she loses her mind
The people shooting them are jerks
I want to go kick their behind

0607

0607
It’s all mental masturbation

I have a daily obligation
A day after day irriration
To rhyme and provide illustration
Somedays I have no motivation
While some think about graduation
I ponder my 10-day vacation
But imperfect communication
Contributes to mounting frustration
Clearly I need some fermentation
To bring this mood to a cessation

0606

0606
Take-off zebra baby

Today did not have a hassle
I saw zebras at a castle
Jean delighted my afternoon
So here is a silly cartoon

0605

0605
Happy birthday Sweetie Pea

Happy birthday to the amazing Jean
The sexiest woman I’ve ever seen
Not only pretty, she’s funny and smart
I knew she was a keeper from the start
Our weekends together should never end
I couldn’t ask for a better best friend

0603

0603
Nothin’ fair in this world

Hey little Stark boy what do you know?
Hey little Stark boy who is that ho?
Hey little Stark boy in the frying pan
Hey little Stark boy where’s your bannerman?
Hey little Stark boy crossbow

It’s a bad day to break a vow
It’s a bad day for a red wedding
It’s a bad day to break a vow

0531

0531
Never mind I don’t care

I don’t know why I care when others don’t
I do what is needed when others won’t
I pick it up when others drop the ball
I want to bang my head against the wall
I should just let the chips fall where they may
What is in my head that makes me that way?

0530

0530
Grumpy Cat is so intense

Here’s some news that will make you squeal
Grumpy cat has a movie deal
Will it be a flop or a hit?
Honey Badger don’t give a shit

0529

0529
Hump day Howard

Lisa and Ronnie finally kiss
Ronnie doesn’t think squirting is piss
Too much Mambo will make Lisa sick
You can play piano with your dick
Maria Menounos won’t pour beer
So Kevin puts it in Richard’s rear
The things you learn that you didn’t know
All today on the Howard Stern show

0528

0528
Unlike is not fun like

I want someone’s head on a spike
‘Cause we’ve received our first “unlike”
Though I’m relieved that you’re still here
What made that person disappear?

0525

0525
Didn’t blow a fuse

Left casino, we didn’t lose
We went looking to buy some shoes
There were many from which to choose
To get us to buy, some will schmooze
When all we really want is booze
No sales were made, they have the blues
Got in the car and set the cruise
We sped past the cows with their moos
The sunset had such pretty hues
Now we’re back home to take a snooze

0523

0523
Wander lust

Mark is this guy I know
To Europe he will go
He’s trying to raise dough
Via indiegogo
If your green you will show
You can get a photo

0522

0522
Troutstanding

A Trout named Michael
Hit for the cycle
A single, triple
Then a huge double
But he wasn’t done
He hit a home run
Four hits in five tries
With five RBIs
A difficult deed
Needing strength and speed
All Angel fans shout
Congrats to Mike Trout

0521

0521
This doc goes to 11

Doctor what where why how and when
This is Doctor Who eleven
There have been ten previous docs
Each one found in a police box
He’s a time and space explorer
Who helped solve the crimson horror
Fez on his head, tie in a bow
Cybermen are a frequent foe
But Dalleks are most iconic
The doc’s screwdriver is sonic
Nobody knows the doctor’s name
But he’s the coolest all the same

0520

0520
Cyber fools

Identity theft is a huge concern
Bad guys are hacking us at every turn
This problem can’t be solved by IT geeks
So we change our passwords every few weeks
If we can’t recall which symbol we used
We make a cheat sheet to not be confused
It’s so damn easy for a cyber punk
To look at that and take our cyber junk