160418
#TaxDay
#HeartAttacksDay
Today is about income tax
I’m sure it causes heart attacks
It’s nice to get a big refund
But when you owe you may be stunned
These AGI’s and 1040’s
Can bring a man down to his knees
There’s nothing like the pain and stress
Of dealing with the IRS
160415
Pull my finger
I’m looking through my works of art
It’s clear I’ve spoken from my heart
Some are stupid, and some are smart
But the best ones all mention fart
160413
Farting like comedy is all about timing
I’ve held a secret in my heart
I killed a woman with my fart
The poor young lady’s life did pass
After inhaling noxious gas
It was my putrid aroma
That put her into a coma
You’ll never know quite how I felt
As I did watch her features melt
I’ll never forget that sweet lass
Who met her end by sour ass
Keeping that secret was quite smart
But better to have held that fart
160411
Puffy puffy passy
Puffy clouds up in the sky
Some are low, and some are high
Some are gray, and some are white
Will it rain? I think it might
160408
I’m lost without you
I was like a maniac
Jean was gone, but now she’s back
She can calm my inner freak
She’s my savior, so to speak
160406
Let’s make that total go higher!
There’s a game called Energy Empire
To win, buildings you’ll need to acquire
Forge an engine that all will admire
Overpollute and your plans backfire
There’s no traitor or need to conspire
The countries are real, there ain’t no Shire
You might encounter nuclear fire
Tough decisions might make you perspire
This Kickstarter is one to desire
So back this game and be the next buyer
160401
International Trump day
Brownie and Raven are good dogs
On weekends, we go riding hogs
I want to move to the UK
I want to work all night and day
Trojans and Yankees are my faves
Olives and mushrooms are my craves
Corned Beef is the best Irish food
That Kanye West is one cool dude
I like DC more than Marvel
I like life forms that were larval
The best rock group is Fleetwood Mac
My life is planned by zodiac
Tom Cruise told me about Xenu
It fits right in with my world view
As president, Trump has the tools
If you believe this – April Fools!
160330
I must be high
I’m the kind of guy
Who loves to eat pie
And tuna on rye
While drinking a chai
160328
She’s one pernicious pooch
I love Raven with all my heart
Until she rips a noxious fart
It melts my face; it curls my hair
It grosses out poor Brownie Bear
What does she eat? Is it the grass?
What festers in that evil ass?
I’ve gone from love to really hates
The dog that always flatulates
160325
I hope it doesn’t take 3 days
It will be good Friday when I’m still in bed
With a gorgeous woman who loves giving head
Like the zombie savior eating his twelve men
It will be great Friday when I rise again
160318
I drew a bath
If you have had a brutal day
A bath might make it go away
So light candles and fill the tub
Then give your feet a loofah scrub
You do not have to remove dirt
And Champagne surely wouldn’t hurt
To calm your inner psychopath
Turn off the world – turn on your bath
160316
Green beer is for sasanaigh
Put on your green, and raise your beer
At last, St. Patrick’s Day is here!
I’ll speak about the Emerald Isle
And you might end up with a smile
Pull up a chair, and sit right down
We love the craic and hate the crown
We like our food boiled in a pot
Cabbage is good, corned beef is not
Only three leaves on a shamrock
The trunk’s a boot; a lake’s a lough
Jumpers are worn when it’s fierce cold
It’s always fierce the truth be told
The coffee might contain Baileys
To warm you up before céilís
Of course you know, we love our beer
But if it’s green, get out of here!
160314
With envy
Like Kermit, I’m all in green
I’m a green wearing machine
I love green, and that’s no lie
I’ll wear green until I die
160311
Gone like rolling thunder
They say good things come to their ends
I say goodbye to my card friends
No more Star Wars or Burning Sands
So much goodness held in my hands
No more Doomtown or L5R
The boxes went into my car
I hadn’t played these games in years
But all packed up, I fought back tears
When I did play, I had a blast
Those memories will have to last
It had to come, this mournful day
The card games have all gone away
160309
Did he kill himself
I need to get this off my mind
If you watch Flash but are behind
I warn you now to leave the room
Jay Garrick just cannot be Zoom
As Flashes go, he was the first
To make him bad would be the worst
The writers have a lot of nerve
I hope this story is a swerve
Barry Allen might be the best
While others favor Wally West
This might seem a bit hysteric
I’ll quit Flash if Zoom is Garrick
160307
This ending was not too shabby
It’s the end for Downton Abbey
And it was a good finale
Carson has a bit of palsy
Grantham’s mother is still ballsy
To Spratt, Denker is a scoffer
Barrow got more than one offer
Isobel married Lord Merton
Daisy’s love life is more certain
Tom and Henry to sell used cars
Baxter won’t see man behind bars
Molesely is a full time teacher
Bertie got to face the preacher
Patmore’s dinner fed a big crowd
Cora’s Robert says he is proud
Sisters aren’t foes, but they’re not mates
Show ends with a new Master Bates!
160304
His hands do look small
Let’s analyze last night’s debate
By candidates I love to hate
They gave us more hyperbole
A booger eaten on TV
The next thing really made me sick
We got to hear about Trump’s dick
I don’t know why he’s in first place
I want to move to outer space
160302
Green beer no – green shake yes
Now that February’s gone
March is here and marching on
Highlight is St. Paddy’s Day
Shamrock shake and fish filet
Make sure to avoid green beer
Won’t be long till April’s here
160229
My happiness I can’t contain
We woke from sleeping on a train
A hopeless feat while on a plane
We often speed in the fast lane
But that lifestyle’s hard to maintain
It might seem slow and quite mundane
But we get treated like Bruce Wayne
We watch the world sipping champagne
I know next time we’ll take the train
160226
RIP Uncle Bill
We all have an Uncle Bill
Sometimes called William or Will
Funny dude who likes to chill
Man I wish he was here still
160224
Maybe I’ll go back to prayer
First you take a billionaire
Make sure he has awful hair
And devoid of savoir faire
Pander so he gets on air
Spews out venom everywhere
Policies are hate and scare
Plays to dumb crowds with fanfare
Welcome to our Trump nightmare
160222
Planning exit strategy
I just got back, unpacked my bag
Got me a case of the jet lag
I haven’t been home for one day
Already know I will not stay
I miss the craic, I miss the fun
I miss the food and everyone
I want to go to pubs at night
So I make plans for the next flight
160212
Westport we’re in you
In Westport on this winter day
We walked the Wild Atlantic Way
The bitter cold chilled to the bone
This frigid climate is well known
Despite the weather we did roam
Because some day this might be home
160210
The weather is exactly as planned
We will fly up in the air
We will go from here to there
We will go from nice and warm
To a place that loves to storm
Here it’s 80 Fahrenheit
Then a Trans-Atlantic flight
What is waiting there for us?
Rain and zero Celsius
160208
Congrats donkeys
The Broncos won the Super Bowl
And Denver loses all control
The main stream press did not highlight
Most of the rioters were white
Imagine if they had been black
The press would have a heart attack
It’s funny that with all those drugs
White donkey fans still act like thugs
160205
I like cats
Horses and cats play on Sunday
The cats will purr; horses will neigh
Unless you’re huge into pigskin
You likely won’t care who will win
So here’s a way to have some fun
Until the final play is done
Make sure to keep your glasses filled
With alcohol that’s fairly chilled
Then have a sip at every snap
You will soon take a well earned nap
You’ll join the drunken hall of fame
And won’t care who has won the game
160203
Spoiler alert dinner is spoiled
The ulcer burst, blood everywhere
It’s in the soup, it’s in their hair
It’s in the wine, it’s on the pie
I think he got some in her eye
It’s on the plate, it’s on the floor
He splattered it upon the door
He spit blood almost to Glasgow
It’s like we’d watched a horror show
160201
Come back soon!
My parents came for a short while
We toured the Central Coast in style
The afternoon was clear and warm
The calm before the coming storm
We walked the beach and saw monarchs
And rambled past local landmarks
I’d like to thank my mom and dad
A better time we’ve never had!
160129
Crave crate for the grave
Eating White Castle for my lunch
Those sliders sure are fun to munch
There are no stores on the west coast
No fresh ones just frozen at most
No onion chips or chicken rings
I never get to eat those things
So here beside the microwave
I gorge into an early grave
160127
Don’t do it baby
Don’t try to fix what is not broke
Don’t try to laugh if there’s no joke
Don’t swallow that if you may choke
Don’t buy elections Messrs. Koch
160125
Drops mic
Sean writes and draws three times a week
He doesn’t have a good physique
He studied more than lifting weights
In High School he had zero dates
But still he has a gorgeous wife
Who’s happy with their way of life
His brains are better than his brawn
Sean is clever, so be like Sean
