Category: Ridiculous Rhymes

170714

170714
I’d tap that!

Because life is short
And needles do thwart
Jean now has a port
For draws by the quart

170712

170712
He has no valves to press

Jizztrumpet junior is not smart
His treachery is off the chart
It’s funny that it’s his email
That shows the USA for sale

All the hills are brown and dry
Temperatures are way too high
All it takes is one small spark
Burning branches, leaves, and bark
Mother Nature starts to cry
Smoke and ashes fill the sky
Most within have quickly fled
Those that didn’t are soon dead

170707

170707
Hoping for a Goodyear

Breathing in the desert air
Hoping for some better care
Treatment might still be the same
But this staff is not so lame

170703

170703
Happy fucking Fourth of July

On this sad 4th of July
The Jizztrumpet makes me cry
He shows allies no respect
World wide image is now wrecked
Presidential he is not
Melting down our melting pot
Every tweet’s a dis or brag
It’s like shitting on the flag
Though we beg, urge and beseech
GOP will not impeach
While you eat your barbecue
The POTUS is fucking you

170630

170630
Scat school

Darker pee and lighter poo
Means that something’s wrong with you
Darker poo and lighter pee
Indicate that you’re healthy

170621

170621
Put that away!

Brownie wants to get a treat
And he has a brand-new trick
He will sit down on your feet
And display his red lipstick

170619

170619
We love you Lynn!

We had a good visit from Lynn
She’s one of Jean’s Midwestern kin
Just being here made us both grin
Can’t wait till she does it again

170616

170616
Jean is my Wonder Woman

Though sweet Jean is still real sick
Those good thoughts sure did the trick
You can always send some more
To this cancer warrior

170612

170612
That’s a vile vial

If you have the runs for weeks
Squirting out between your cheeks
You might have to test your poo
This is what you have to do
First, you have to make a poop
Then you gather with a scoop
Take the steamy, stinky pile
Place it gently in the vial
Do not fling and do not jab
Take it quickly to a lab
Here’s the funny part of it
Scientists will check your shit
They will test what smells like hell
All to make sure that you’re well

170609

170609
#Predisent #Covfefe

This White House isn’t eloquent
With #Covfefe and #Predisent
Established rules they circumvent
To crush this Great Experiment

170607

170607
As good as chicken soup

Nothing really sounds that yummy
When you have an upset tummy
At both ends you feel real crummy
Only cure’s a kiss from mummy

170605

170605
Everybody spread the word

Last weekend we did celebrate
Jean’s fond farewell to forty-eight
We drove up north to watch a play
And spent the night in Morro Bay
The drive was smooth, the weather fine
We ate good food and drank great wine
So many friends to hang out with
To honor her this June the Fifth
She’s so awesome, I have to say
We should make this a holiday

170602

170602
She’s the best

I know it’s late, what can I do?
My poetry is overdue
I’m sorry, but my Jelly Moo
Is more pressing than all of you

170526

170526
Sad!

Jizztrumpet says Germans are bad
One of the worst was his own dad
This has to make most teutons mad
But does make him Putin’s comrade

170524

170524
I don’t know how long we can cope

The world has much love for this Pope
His sermons preach of lasting hope
But today, he walked a tightrope
By welcoming in a big dope
Jizztrumpet is a misanthrope
Repellent because of his grope
His pride is a slippery slope
When asked to smile Francis said, “NOPE!”

170522

170522
Apologies to John, Paul, George and Ringo

Melania told Jizztrumpet
I hate your orange tan
Then she told Jizztrumpet
Your stupid Muslim ban
Your tiny, wrinkled gland
Don’t want to hold your hand

170519

170519
It’s a piss poor day

Sitting, trying to excrete
Earwig on the toilet seat!
Makes me jump in a heartbeat
Frantically I cry and bleat
Then I dribble on my feet
Grotesque insect so petite
Grab it with a two-ply sheet
Wad it up all tight and neat
Flush it down so indiscreet
Victory is bittersweet

170517

170517
Obstruction of justice

Roses are red
Violets are blue
They’re coming for the Jizztrumpet
I’m so fucking happy

170515

170515
Essiac and soursop

Every night I make the tea
For my little Sweetie Pea
Hoping that this is the key
For her to be cancer free

170512

170512
Don’t drive angry

I tell you this, it is no lie
Drivers today want me to die
At least four times I’ve used my horn
The first two beeps were in the morn
Two near side-swipes on way to work
And then at lunch another jerk
He came at me from the wrong way
Then flipped me off to end the fray
That’s not enough, now here’s a truck
It’s backing up, *honk* what the fuck?!?
This bad driving has caused a shock
When I go home, I think I’ll walk

170510

170510
It’s only been 110 days!

Jizztrumpet is Nixonian
His orders are draconian
The consummate vulgarian
The Comey thing – contrarian
Constant attacks on media
Precipitates acedia
The US ain’t utopia
But let’s avoid dystopia

170505

170505
Think before you drink

From Las Vegas to Lima, Ohio
Gringos celebrate Cinco de Mayo
They’ll drink más Coronas and Dos Equis
And power down nachos with gloppy cheese
Bros revel in their appropriation
Hailing a wall that block immigration
Of course the irony does not stop there
Back in Mexico they simply don’t care

170503

170503
#DarkTowerMovie

Dark Tower off in the distance
Without it there’s no existence
Gunslinger protects the tower
Man in Black has eldritch power
Jake Chambers mid-world explorer
Stephen King writes more than horror
Jean and I are constant readers
My excitement might exceed hers

170501

170501
Trump fans – dense means stupid

Jizztrumpet is fucking dense
Things he says do not make sense
Every day he fucks up more
“Why was there the civil war?”
His query is causing waves
Guess he forgot ’bout the slaves

170428

170428
I have wood for sheep

Tomorrow I will #PlayMoreGames
I hope I get to play Codenames
Pandemic, Eclipse and Blood Rage
Caverna, Wiz War and Stone Age
There’s gobs of games that feature trains
Or Zombie Dice with eating brains
I’ll trade for wood, stone, sheep and clay
When I play games this Saturday!

170426

170426
Guess which one

I’ve seen a lot of live music
I’ve seen Rod Stewart and Cheap Trick
My very first was Men at Work
I’ve seen Meat Loaf, but he’s a jerk
I’ve seen Ringo, I’ve seen the Boss
Mötley Crüe was a total loss
I’ve seen Phil Collins and The Who
Paul Simon, Styx, Sting and U2
Elton John and Oingo Boingo
Weird Al Yankovic and Skid Row
The Rolling Stones were tons of fun
I’ve seen them all, except for one

170424

170424
She’s a dancing machine

I really love my sweetie Jean
From one to ten, she’s a fifteen
She’s super smart, her wit is keen
She makes the hard work seem routine
She’s a great cook, such fine cuisine
She perks me up more than caffeine
She’s always nice and never mean
I’m not a king, but she’s my queen