190726

190726
Thanks crazyblinddate.com

I remember well that summer night
When we first met from a dating site
Those eleven years have rambled on
Now I’m over here, and she is gone
Her absence is felt in every way
But I’m grateful for that fateful day
Although I still miss my Sweetie Pea
It’s not as dark as it used to be

190722

190722
In that order

Get good wine – must imbibe
Get some spam – unsubscribe
Get bad breath – brush my teeth
Get some wood – find relief

190703

190703
Fantastic flora and fauna

I’m helping Hagrid
Save Buckbeak and unicorns
A long walk improved

190624

190624
9171 7577 0794

First world problems from Niantic
Lack of knowledge had me frantic
World launch failed and then succeeded
So my fun was not impeded
We can play Wizards United
All the nerds will be delighted

190621

190621
Nor Sunday neither

The thing I did, did not get done
The game I played, did not get won
The deal I planned, did not get made
The job I worked, did not get paid
The clothes I washed, did not get clean
The gig I showed, did not get seen
Despite hard work for this soirée
No music will be heard today

190605

190605
#Always

When first we met on a crazy blind date
I did not know how lucky I would be
Our meeting was a lovely twist of fate
The perfect friend, you made me so happy
I love you as I never loved before
Since first we met for just a cup of tea
Each night I think about the vows we swore
I love you as I loved you
‘Cause you’re my sweet
‘Cause you’re my Sweetie Pea

190510

190510
#FeelingCuteChallenge

Feeling kinda cute
Might write and draw a haiku
And delete later

190501

190501
#RIP Eric Sokol

Seems like losing’s never finished
Every loss leaves me diminished
News today was grief and sorrow
Hope it’s better news tomorrow

190410

190410
Is maith liom feoil dorcha

I wish I was a polyglot
But one language is all I’ve got
I tried Spanish and Irish too
“Hello”, “Goodbye”, and “How are you?”
So, Duolingo helps to train
These languages inside my brain

190408

190408
I’m streaking!

I’ve closed all three rings
500 days in a row
So says Apple Watch

190208

190208
Reach out touch someone

Water leaking from my eye
Why am I about to cry?
Every piece of news is sad
Nothing seems to make me glad
Then my friend decides to call
And their voice undoes it all
I forget when I’m alone
No one’s far thanks to the phone

190118

190118
Katelyn Ohashi is perfect

A Bruin is good in gymnastics
Her flips suggest she’s made of plastics
Her work on the floor
Earned a perfect score
The Twitterverse tweeted – “fantastics!”

190104

190104
Unhealthy haiku

Cough sneeze hack wheeze sniff
Nobody likes being sick
Unless you’re a freak

180723

180723
The ALL CAPS asshole

If you threaten him
He will ALL CAPS threaten you
He has the best threats

180608

180608
I’m not ok, but I’m ok

I am sad, but I’m not that sad
I will not let it get that bad
I’m alone, but I’m not alone
I stay in touch using my phone
I’m afraid, but I’m not afraid
Won’t let it rain on my parade
I am blue, but I’m not that blue
I carry on because of you

180402

180402
Thanks FB Marketplace

I thought it would be really rough
But I just sold all of my stuff
Within this house, there’s just a bed
So I can rest my weary head

180112

180112
Good bye big man

Jerry called me up to say
That his father passed away
And they buried him today
You may lose your lovely wife
Or a foe who caused you strife
There is one thing sure in life
Our time here will always end
Here’s advice I recommend
Make sure that you call your friend
Let them know just how you feel
Tell the truth and keep it real
Ere the stopping of life’s wheel

180108

180108
2018 – the year of the block

Blocking isn’t taken lightly
I don’t scroll and do it nightly
Post your nonsense, cause a clamor
You’ll get hit with my banhammer

180103

180103
Things a Jizztrumpet would tweet

“My grabbing of pussies is great”
“I’m best when I’m tweeting out hate”
“My button is bigger than yours”
“I’m gonna cause nuclear wars”

171227

171227
So over 2017

Can’t wait for this year to end
So hard losing my best friend
Jizztrumpet is a big child
Neo-Nazis running wild
Orders for a Muslim ban
Stimulates the Ku Klux Klan
All women hashtag #MeToo
Roy Moore’s lawyer is a Jew
Rich folks got a big tax break
Bigots won’t bake wedding cake
Star Wars fans hate number VIII
Next year best be fucking great

171125

171125
It’s not on his side

He’s always on the nightly news
His every tweet gives us the blues
One place Jizztrumpet won’t be seen
The cover of Time Magazine

170913

170913
Another thing to make me sad

Last weekend tons of fun was had
The train and friends sure made me glad
But one thing happened that was bad
I left behind my black iPad

170721

170721
I don’t <3 Huckabee Sanders

No more bushes to hide in
Or Jizztrumpet bullshit spin
No more #AltFacts off the hip
Spicer’s jumping off the ship

170712

170712
He has no valves to press

Jizztrumpet junior is not smart
His treachery is off the chart
It’s funny that it’s his email
That shows the USA for sale

170703

170703
Happy fucking Fourth of July

On this sad 4th of July
The Jizztrumpet makes me cry
He shows allies no respect
World wide image is now wrecked
Presidential he is not
Melting down our melting pot
Every tweet’s a dis or brag
It’s like shitting on the flag
Though we beg, urge and beseech
GOP will not impeach
While you eat your barbecue
The POTUS is fucking you

170609

170609
#Predisent #Covfefe

This White House isn’t eloquent
With #Covfefe and #Predisent
Established rules they circumvent
To crush this Great Experiment

170531

170531
Sleep tight don’t let the covfefes bite

“Despite the constant
Negative press covfefe
I wrote a haiku”

170329

170329
Where’s your tilde?

There once was a traitor named Devin
Whose Trump love went well past eleven
And like a dumbbell
He shared his intel
Which broke off the seal numbered seven

170227

170227
Every job ever

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
Hurry the fuck up!

170222

170222
Share that shit!

Are you providing new content
Or hoping memes show your dissent?
If all you do is click on share
I question if you really care
Don’t simply share, please add your thoughts
Help simpletons connect the dots
And one last thing I beg of you
If you do share, share my shit too!

170215

170215
This is treason, I’m not teasin’

Most would say it stands to reason
What Flynn did was surely treason
Now our Congress needs to squeeze in
This before impeachment season

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