201009
Help me mommy!
There once was a human shaped shit pile
Fly landed and then made the shit smile
The shit was Mike Pence
So smug and intense
Fly sorted him into his shit file
Tag: Poo
Poems and/or Drawings about Poo and Pooing.
200612
200612
JK = Jaded Karen
There once was a TERF known as Rowling
Her comments got her queer fans growling
Her books once brought cheer
But now it’s quite clear
They’re suitable to scoop dog fouling
200520
200520
Firsthand knowledge
Is your tummy cramped and coiled?
Do farts leave your trousers soiled?
Is your brown eye feeling boiled?
Check the milk, I bet it’s spoiled!!!
200513
200513
Bags by Brownie
John and Gemma played a silly game
Tried to keep their ten minutes of fame
John and Gemma don’t know when to quit
They should go and eat a bag of shit
200422
200422
No time to defecate
Tonight I’m working late
But I am not irate
When people think I’m great
It puts food on my plate
200228
200228
The media peddle fear
If their temperature is high
Write them off as they’ll soon die
If they have a runny nose
Leave before they decompose
If they blast out splashing poo
There’s a duty you should do
If you hear somebody cough
You should drown them in a trough
If you see somebody sneeze
Kill and bury quickly please
If you think they sniffled snot
You should end them with one shot
If this sounds a tad severe
Media has stoked this fear
200120
200120
Number two for you
Some posters want my number one
But I can’t piss that high
I’ll take a shit and when I’m done
I’ll throw it in their eye
200108
200108
Made you look
I make a thing that no one sees
It can’t be touched nor can you squeeze
I make this thing three times a week
I know you know of what I speak
This thing is made out of my brain
If I don’t rhyme, I’ll go insane
This thing I make I hope you care
And if you do, I hope you share
191129
191129
Black like my soul
It’s time to turn the ledgers black
Just buy that bullshit on the rack
Spend money at your favorite store
Shop till it hurts, then shop some more
191125
191125
Sorry about the mess
The shower is the place to be
If you are nude and need to pee
Another thing that you can do
Is wash your hair while making poo
You probably think that I am sick
To go and do this dirty trick
I’m not a freak, I do declare
It’s why there is a drain in there
191118
191118
I love UCLA
I hate $c, I really do
I hate $c, they smell like poo
I hate $c, they light my fuse
I hate $c, I hope they lose
190930
190930
Linc made a big stink
It’s raining
It’s pouring
And Brownie is snoring
Linc shit my bed
I’ll kill him dead
And bury him in the morning
190902
190902
Dana Andrews said prunes gave him the runes
Feeling fat – feeling bloated
Eating chips – I’m devoted
Pants too tight – my belt cinches
Need to lose – ’bout two inches
Got a plan – extreme eating
Lots of prunes – then excreting
190826
190826
What a shit stain
Jizztrumpet is so insane
His sick and demented brain
Thinks that a bomb from a plane
Could destroy a hurricane
190809
190809
Excremential crisis
In just one month I’m 52
I have ennui and deja vu
I do not know what I should do
I could wear black or powder blue
I could eat steak or Irish stew
I could watch Jaws or something new
I could just pee or full on poo
Lord give a sign here in the loo!
190628
190628
Fills me with the urge to…
The Jizztrumpet fills me with hate
I get so mad I defecate
I loathe his hair and orange skin
Those lips above his triple chin
His tiny hands and belly size
Compel me to avert my eyes
Though not the last – another gripe
As leaders go he’s not my type
190612
190612
I ❤️ 2 💩
A log entry from me to you
I quite enjoy a number two
One’s not enough, and three won’t do
When squatting down up in the loo
A smelly fart might be a clue
Dropping a deuce is overdue
So I flush twice when I am through
Then wash my hands and bid adieu
181210
181210
No shit!
When you need to number two
You can push until you’re blue
But no matter what you do
Still does not produce a poo
180822
180822
But you should share this
Go see the pope in Phoenix Park
Stroll through an alley after dark
Jump in a pile of broken glass
Ignore effects of greenhouse gas
Elect outsiders out of spite
In thunderstorms go fly a kite
Don’t bother wiping after poo
These are some things you should not do
170630
170630
Scat school
Darker pee and lighter poo
Means that something’s wrong with you
Darker poo and lighter pee
Indicate that you’re healthy
170612
170612
That’s a vile vial
If you have the runs for weeks
Squirting out between your cheeks
You might have to test your poo
This is what you have to do
First, you have to make a poop
Then you gather with a scoop
Take the steamy, stinky pile
Place it gently in the vial
Do not fling and do not jab
Take it quickly to a lab
Here’s the funny part of it
Scientists will check your shit
They will test what smells like hell
All to make sure that you’re well
170519
170519
It’s a piss poor day
Sitting, trying to excrete
Earwig on the toilet seat!
Makes me jump in a heartbeat
Frantically I cry and bleat
Then I dribble on my feet
Grotesque insect so petite
Grab it with a two-ply sheet
Wad it up all tight and neat
Flush it down so indiscreet
Victory is bittersweet
170320
170320
Hit me with your best shart!
The last few days have not been great
For bathroom trips I vacillate
Between the squirts and smelly farts
My TP use is off the charts
And now I trust my flatulence
About as much as Trump and Pence
Another cramp, so here I sit
I cannot wait for solid shit
170306
170306
Scariest Poe poem ever
Grabbing pussies makes me cheery, while Steve Bannon sits there bleary
Kellyanne was cleaning puddles sprinkled over my golden floor
While I tweeted, close to crapping, suddenly there came a slapping,
As if Putin fiercely fapping, fapping on my golden floor.
“‘Tis Obama! Wire tapping, tapping on my golden floor-
He is sick and so much more!”
170224
170224
Freshen up with Putin Pourri
He blocked the news, he’s crossed the line
His every move is asinine
He builds a wall to bring jobs back
“Protecting us from an attack”
He hates muslims, he hates the gays
He’ll bring about the end of days
We can’t believe a word he speaks
He’s done all this in just five weeks
170210
170210
Eat, poo, love
Fuffle had one job to do
And she did it well enough
Tumors changed to truffle poo
Made this journey not so tough
170203
170203
Eat them up – yum!
There once was a dragon named Fuffle
Who lived in the side of a rough hill
It’s not a rumor
She’ll eat your tumor
And poo it out to make a truffle
170123
170123
0 days without a lie
A lie is a lie is a lie
And this one is too big to buy
Don’t tell me I need to relax
Stop calling it alternate facts
Newspeak is always rejected
Alt facts are always corrected
If we cannot trust every word
We’ll flush you like a hairy turd
161223
161223
My Christmas Hanukkah Kwanzaa wish too
I have one wish this Festivus
For Jean to be as well as us
Maybe more well than Dave the drunk
His muddled head’s missing a chunk
And way better than fatso Fred
He’s one donut away from dead
And don’t forget ol’ smelly Sue
She stinks worse than a pile of poo
My wish for Jean this Festivus –
Better health than the rest of us!
160824
160824
Share my stupid shit too!
I think I’m done, ’cause no one cares
This poem won’t get any shares
I rarely get likes, laughs or hearts
Unless it’s about shits and farts
I don’t know what I have to do
To get an interact from you
If we don’t change this dismal trend
This Facebook page will see its end
160805
160805
Olympic torch the whole city
Today it starts – the games of Rio
The athletes say it smells like pee-oh
It isn’t safe, the pipes are leaky
The hackers are steadfast and sneaky
If that’s not all, you might get zika
If you get cozy with that chica
The food might give you salmonella
Powerful gangs run the favela
Children and drugs are what they peddle
All this to win a shiny medal