Tag: Naughty

181109

181109
He then ate a bowl of shrimp curry

There was a young fella named Murray
Who always had sex in a hurry
Each shag was a race
A furious pace
His sister was starting to worry

181031

181031
Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch Me

While I’m handing out the candy
Rocky Horror makes me randy
Sweets and treats for all the kiddies
As I stare at Janet’s titties

181026

181026
German dungeon porn

There once was a fräulein from Essen
Who wanted to teach men a lesson
She said she liked boys
And all of their toys
But as it turns out she was messin’

181022

181022
It might help

The States are not United
And Britain isn’t Great
The world is more divided
So, I’ll just masturbate

181019

181019
His first mate would jangle and jingle

There once was a captain from Dingle
Who always was ready to mingle
Each brave cabin boy
Would bring him great joy
When timbers would shiver he’d tingle

181012

181012
This happened out in the Canaries

There was a ship captain from Skerries
Naïve like a typical Aries
She asked him to show
To bramble he’d go
And rummage for his twig and berries

I know I’m prone to being frank
If TMI, give me a spank
But there are times when this old Yank
Has visions saved up in my bank
Of past lovers I’d like to thank
Or boobies squeezed into a tank
And when my engine’s set to crank
I give myself a blissful wank

181005

181005
His own fields were barren or fallow

There once was a fella from Mallow
Who was without depth and quite shallow
No lass good enough
His pillow he’d fluff
And into it wank with beef tallow

180928

180928
Are we not doing phrasing anymore?

There once was an agent named Lana
A hottie – as hot as a sauna
Though he held out hope
She told Archer “Nope!”
Her danger zone was his nirvana

180921

180921
No “o” mon

There once was a gal from Jamaica
Who would dance and knew how to shake-a
When in the right mood
She’d bed a fine dude
But end up by needing to fake-a

180914

180914
Come fly her friendly skies

There once was a lass at the airport
The pages were full in her passport
She earned every stamp
The mile high club tramp
An entrepreneurial escort

180907

180907
She was pretty and pretty crazy

There once was a woman named Daisy
She laid in bed, but wasn’t lazy
A fave of the lads
Their uncles and dads
She left them all happy and hazy

180824

180824
What’s with the Crisco

There once was a pope named Francisco
Who roofied some dudes at a disco
With all of the noise
The three altar boys
Were certainly worth the huge risk-o

180817

180817
Three to one odds

There once was a lad named Fitzpatrick
In football he tallied a hat trick
His favorite game
Was given a name
Three women in bed was a cat trick

180810

180810
Her middle name was Mulva

There once was a lass named Dolores
Whose sexual tales would not bore us
First kissing of lips
Then grinding of hips
It always would end with clitoris

180806

180806
The trouble with stubble

Kissing scruff can cause beard burn
It’s a badge that’s fun to earn
Folks can also get ‘stache rash
It turns up when faces smash
Stubble might lead to red bumps
Trouble signs of hairy humps
Whiskers tickle cheeks and lips
Up above or down by hips
If you find a face that’s cute
Take some care if it’s hirsute

180803

180803
Patron saint of wood

There once was woman named Brigid
Whom most lads considered quite frigid
But she was quite quick
At taking a dick
And making it stiff, thick and rigid

180720

180720
Honor offer on her off her

There once was a lad named O’Connor
Who offered young Deirdre his honor
Accepting his gift
She laid down right swift
She wanted O’Connor right on her

180709

180709
I’d rather she looked like Curly

There once was a woman from Kerry
Who rarely shaved so she was hairy
Of course down below
She grew quite a ‘fro
And looked like the Stooge known as Larry

180606

180606
Gofunme.com

A man with a charity bucket
Once thought about trying to suck it
He knew that his dick
Would not do the trick
And wished he was born in Nantucket

180601

180601
Don’t mind the socks

1,000 poems
The only thing I’ve done more
Is pleasure myself

180425

180425
She did say GTFO!

There once was a woman named Sharon
Who lived in a condo with Karen
And Karen did try
To bang Sharon’s guy
But Sharon was not into sharin

180409

180409
Well done lad!

There once was a hurler named TJ
Whose Kilkenny Cats had a field day
The fans all adored
How often he scored
They queued up to give him a BJ

180316

180316
She thoughtfully takes a long while-y

There once was a lass named O’Reilly
Though missing her teeth, she was smiley
With no biting fangs
To gnaw on those wangs
The Sullivan lads praised her highly

180117

180117
Just the tip

There was a strange man from Kilkenny
Who’d suck his own dick for a penny
The kind of a guy
Who’d blast in his eye
If given a ten or a twenny

171111

171111
Louie, Louie you’re gonna cry

I once saw a man in Salinas
Who wouldn’t stop stroking his penis
Away I did race
He quickened his pace
And covered the distance between us

171108

171108
And by cat, I mean…

I don’t think your ass is fat
I would wear it as a hat
It’s not big, nor is it flat
But I much prefer your cat

160914

160914
Dating tips from a master ex-dater

Plan out what you want to wear
Trim your nails and wash your hair
Tweeze the long hairs in your nose
Clean the fungus ‘tween your toes
Do this if you want to date
Or you’ll have to masturbate