Tag: Food

170315

170315
I’m a leprechaun artist

St. Paddy’s day – you can’t escape
Just two more days to get in shape
You’ll eat and drink till you’re a sphere
But please don’t drink green, fucking beer

A day without a woman
Would seem to be inhuman
No women means no living
There would be no hug giving
No mothers making dinner
Or being the breadwinner
Make sure you thank a female
By bringing her a cocktail

170303

170303
The play’s the thing

We had a real good day
We went to see a play
We had a real good night
We got a tasty bite
Into our bed we creep
It’s time to go to sleep

170301

170301
Sacrifice? Or getting ready for summer?

If you have an ashen smudge
And you’ve given up sweet fudge
‘Cause your goal is losing pudge
Do you think your god will judge?

170213

170213
Share this with your valentine

I love pizza, I love steak
I love spooning while we wake
I love boardgames, I love books
I love sharing our outlooks
I love cider, I love wine
I love that you’re genuine
I love everything we do
I love everyday with you

170210

170210
Eat, poo, love

Fuffle had one job to do
And she did it well enough
Tumors changed to truffle poo
Made this journey not so tough

170203

170203
Eat them up – yum!

There once was a dragon named Fuffle
Who lived in the side of a rough hill
It’s not a rumor
She’ll eat your tumor
And poo it out to make a truffle

170113

170113
Next Friday is scarier than Jason

Friday night and I got money
So it’s date night with my honey
Head to Red Box then to take-out
Hoping that we get to make-out
But this Friday is a thirteen
And our nice night ended up mean
Movies and the food were sucky
So we didn’t get too lucky
While this evening seemed to be cursed
Next Friday will surely be worse

161223

161223
My Christmas Hanukkah Kwanzaa wish too

I have one wish this Festivus
For Jean to be as well as us
Maybe more well than Dave the drunk
His muddled head’s missing a chunk
And way better than fatso Fred
He’s one donut away from dead
And don’t forget ol’ smelly Sue
She stinks worse than a pile of poo
My wish for Jean this Festivus –
Better health than the rest of us!

161214

161214
Spirits for the Xmas spirit

Drinking at the Christmas party
Diet cola and Bacardi
Ate a rib eye that was yummy
So much goodness in my tummy
Then came time to exchange presents
I gave dollars; they gave ten cents
Left the party as it ended
Kind of glad that I attended

161205

161205
Christmastime in our bungalow

Bundled up like an Eskimo
Warming hands with some hot cocoa
Christmas songs on the radio
Jingle Bells in my falsetto
Kissing Jean under mistletoe
That is how every day should go

161031

161031
The first taste is free

From door to door all over town
It’s time for kids to shake us down
I shaved my head like Walter White
To give out crystal meth tonight

161026

161026
I do this when I break-in

In the morn, tummy’s achin’
Late to work, ’cause I’m flakin’
I don’t know what I’m makin’
But of course, it’s with bacon
I take one, now I’m takin’
So much nom that I’m shakin’
This is how to awaken!

161010

161007
Happy birthday Tom!

I have a big brother named Tommy
We have the same daddy and mommy
We went to The Hat
To eat food and chat
Because they have the best pastrami

160921

160921
Skittles are tasty
Trump is tasteless

Trump spews hate through cryptic riddles
Humans are not bowls of skittles
While his children expel toxin
Onto kids driven like oxen
We should recognize this villain
Can’t be cured with penicillin
Voting is the only answer
To prevent this orange cancer

160902

160902
A vote for HRC is a vote for taco trucks

Four taco trucks are over there
More taco trucks are everywhere
There are so many taco trucks
Latinos have caused this influx
Their culture is so dominant
Their tacos are so prominent
We cannot stop these taco trucks
They’re taking over like Starbucks

160831

160831
Let’s have a ball for summerall

Though fall is still three weeks away
Summer concludes on Labor Day
The calendar may not agree
But brand new shows are on TV
School has returned and football too
We have a chance for something new
Between breakfast and midday lunch
Someone created champagne brunch
So after summer, before fall
We should declare a “summerall”
And just like brunch we drink champagne
While summer bods are on the wane

160815

160815
Your meat needs three stripes

I’m so mad I wrote this letter
Burger King you should know better
I just ate a Whopperrito
Whopper crossed with a burrito
Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce
This creation does upset us
Please forget these loathsome mergers
You should stick to grilling burgers

160810

160810
Next time I’ll call pizza slut

The dogs are fed, the cat is too
Now it’s my turn to have a chew
But Jean is gone, I’m on my own
My stomach growls, I start to moan
I look around for food to nuke
The leftovers all look like puke
So I decide to cook from scratch
I gather wood, and strike a match
I fill a pot, and start to boil
I grease the pan with olive oil
I marinate the meat in sauce
I chiffonade like I’m a boss
I bake spring rolls as an hors d’oeuvre
Then right before I start to serve
My eyes open, I’m on the floor
My head had banged the freezer door
My night as chef was just a dream
I settle for melted ice cream

160805

160805
Olympic torch the whole city

Today it starts – the games of Rio
The athletes say it smells like pee-oh
It isn’t safe, the pipes are leaky
The hackers are steadfast and sneaky
If that’s not all, you might get zika
If you get cozy with that chica
The food might give you salmonella
Powerful gangs run the favela
Children and drugs are what they peddle
All this to win a shiny medal

160729

160729
My asterisk is on fire

You should trust me when I say
It’s good to have a bidet
When you go to eat buffet
On colonoscopy day

160711

160711
Steve – you’re welcome

I know what I’m gonna do
I will make an epic poo
I will eat a ton of fruit
Let it brew until I toot
Then go sit upon my throne
And whip out my ol’ iPhone
Push until it hurts my hole
Push until it fills the bowl
Though I have an aching ass
Epic turds like this are class

160506

160506
I can’t live without her

Jean is away – she’s gone for work
I stumble ’round like a big jerk
The dogs are dead, cat ran away
She has been gone for one whole day
We’re out of food and no clean clothes
I showered with the garden hose
The house burned down at half past noon
I really hope she comes back soon

160502

160502
I should masticate more

If you are squeamish, I must warn
I’m going to write about poo corn
It’s always there, it never leaves
Just seeing it gives me dry heaves
I’m not a dope, I’m not a fool
I don’t know why corn stays in stool
It starts it’s life grown on an ear
And ends up coming our your rear

160330

160330
I must be high

I’m the kind of guy
Who loves to eat pie
And tuna on rye
While drinking a chai

160316

160316
Green beer is for sasanaigh

Put on your green, and raise your beer
At last, St. Patrick’s Day is here!
I’ll speak about the Emerald Isle
And you might end up with a smile
Pull up a chair, and sit right down
We love the craic and hate the crown
We like our food boiled in a pot
Cabbage is good, corned beef is not
Only three leaves on a shamrock
The trunk’s a boot; a lake’s a lough
Jumpers are worn when it’s fierce cold
It’s always fierce the truth be told
The coffee might contain Baileys
To warm you up before céilís
Of course you know, we love our beer
But if it’s green, get out of here!

160302

160302
Green beer no – green shake yes

Now that February’s gone
March is here and marching on
Highlight is St. Paddy’s Day
Shamrock shake and fish filet
Make sure to avoid green beer
Won’t be long till April’s here

160203

160203
Spoiler alert dinner is spoiled

The ulcer burst, blood everywhere
It’s in the soup, it’s in their hair
It’s in the wine, it’s on the pie
I think he got some in her eye
It’s on the plate, it’s on the floor
He splattered it upon the door
He spit blood almost to Glasgow
It’s like we’d watched a horror show

160129

160129
Crave crate for the grave

Eating White Castle for my lunch
Those sliders sure are fun to munch
There are no stores on the west coast
No fresh ones just frozen at most
No onion chips or chicken rings
I never get to eat those things
So here beside the microwave
I gorge into an early grave

151228

151228
Save me some tots!

Tom’s Take-out is soon changing hands
Just two more days for us tot fans
Now Mike, Mimi, Michael and Mark
Can spend the day at Waller Park
No more burgers served up with cokes
No more will we hear dirty jokes
Their run was great, but now it ends
At least they made a ton of friends

151214

151214
The Dutch oven of your dreams

The big meal that I just ate
Makes me want to hibernate
It was fun to masticate
Now it’s time to flatulate