Poems and/or Drawings about Dungeons and Dragons.
210927
Going off the furrow
I don’t know what I’m drinking
I’ve fallen off three wagons
My brain has started thinking
Do all dungeons have dragons?
Can you cry under water?
Did Prince own any plain clothes?
Does laughter lead to slaughter?
Do unicorns fart rainbows?
210730
Now that’s a hen party!
The ladies all love charming Bingo
And also his Pegasus Wingo
They give blushing brides
Wild pre-wedding rides
Together they lustfully sing-o
210719
Animate Objects FTW!
We were in a dungeon
At least six levels deep
I cast Animate Objects
I was a rock lobber!
Rock lobber – rock lobber
We were on a new plane
Everybody had leveled up
Somebody then opened a lock
And there they saw a vrock
It wasn’t a roc
I was a rock lobber
Rock lobber – rock lobber
Dwarf is a cleric, bard is halfling
Everybody’s clashin’ – everybody’s bashin’
Flyin’ over lava – gettin’ stunned
Blastin’ demons, blastin’ till it’s done
He was a big pest – we need a short rest
Pass the healing potion
Here comes a giant boar
There goes a manticore
In walked a blink dog
There goes a death dog
Chased by a werecat
In flew a sea hag
Watch out for that beholder
There goes a dragon
Here comes a demogorgon!
210430
Feel his burning love!
A cleric named Abzan Farnese
When burning things sure wasn’t lazy
He’d torch foes and then
He’d blaze them again
You might say he’s combustion crazy
210215
Chunder the wonder jockey
A dwarf was in a Dino race
You should have seen his smiling face
They started at a mighty pace
He fell behind but soon gave chase
Though his first time, he rode with grace
Beginners luck could be the case
That dwarf he rode just like an ace
And so he finished in first place!
210115
Melodious membranophone
The bard with a golden kazoo
Plays melodies to help his crew
His weapon of choice
A vibrating voice
Which damages up the wazoo
201120
Leomund’s Tiny Hut
Needing a short rest
For his awesome quest
Bingo cast a spell
For a place to dwell
That spell built a hut
For his tiny butt
Then he sang a song
‘Bout his tiny schlong
201116
Burnt Bingo
Jumped by fire elemental
And their treatment wasn’t gentle
Hours later, clothes still smolder
Makes me yearn for a beholder
201026
Our last D&D session
We are gonna kill the monsters
But we didn’t kill the monsters
We are gonna kill the monsters
But we didn’t kill the monsters
We are gonna kill the monsters
But we didn’t kill the monsters
We are gonna kill the monsters
But we didn’t kill the monsters
201016
I didn’t ask how big the room is!
That wizard was part sage part moron
His fireball point blank missed Voron
But back just a bit
We got burned to shit
The rest of us maybe should cop on
200807
Chunder bringer of thunder!
Now Bingo has gone on hiatus
He’ll come back again as the greatest
Soon he’ll polymorph
Until then this dwarf
A druid named Chunder my latest
200727
Not all adventures need dice
A castle up the old north road
An eerie, sinister abode
A brave but sad elf was our host
He said his wife was now a ghost
We wondered why she took her life
What caused this human so much strife?
It seems our host would leave for years
She found a man to stem the tears
But when her husband reappeared
Her lover fled – the worst was feared
She had two loves, but neither one
Was there to love, so she had none
She tried to leave but when she died
Her spirit was forever tied
The host asked us to do our best
To put the lady’s soul to rest
So we asked him to tell his tale
He did and cried a mournful wail
His spectral wife then felt his love
No longer chained, she flew above
No weapon drawn, no spell was cast
But we had done what we were asked
200720
One halfling band
Every party needs a healer
And a solid damage dealer
Though most parties do not know it
They should always have a poet
If your fighter has gone AWOL
And your rogue can’t pick locks at all
If your caster takes a beating
While your cleric’s barely breathing
Leave it to the brave musician
To complete the crucial mission
200706
Mind if I sing while you kill?
The tunnel’s dark, I cannot see
“What’s happening in front of me?!?”
The fighter groans, and then he grunts
“I’m gonna kill you feckin’ cunts!”
The rogue attempts a sneak attack
I hear a thud and then a thwack
The sorceress shoots scorching rays
But up ahead it’s still a haze
The cleric does not comfort me
For all I hear is, “Blessed be!!!”
And then at last the fight is done
My contribution? Just this one
200629
Friends of Frenamath
A trio took a demon down
And won the favor of a town
His Holiness – benevolent
He smites foes quite malevolent
Some say that Voron is a sneak
Just ’cause it seems his fingers speak
The fighter plucked the demon’s heart
So locals thought they’d do their part
The scene of such a noble act
Now Ravnar’s Tower – that’s a fact!
You’d best not try to block their path
The heroes three of Frenamath!
200626
I’m attacking the darkness!
There once was a DM named Derek
Whose clichés were rarely generic
He got a new dude
And mage with a ‘tude
To play with a rogue and a cleric
200622
Then pints were quaffed – seven or eight
A dungeon crawl to liberate
Some loot from those with no heart rate
Sarcophagus a heavy weight
The lid came off – a twist of fate
Stone statue then did animate
With one goal – to exterminate
The bard – then target of hulk’s hate
Rolled through the legs to separate
A crossbow aimed – the bolt flew straight
It found its mark – the giant great
Exploded in a spray of slate
The spoils were split with every mate
200615
Shocking grasp
One day the lady Seraphin
Sat down upon an old coffin
And right there where the lady sat
Appeared a giant feckin’ rat
Most ladies would scream, cry and gasp
Yer one struck with a shocking grasp
The tail did burn, the rat was charred
A fearsome sight so says this bard
200608
Killing kobolds
The kobolds thought that they’d do in
The bard and Lady Serafin
But they did not expect to see
This duo with ferocity
While Serafin got knocked about
The halfling took his crossbow out
The first bolt went into an eye
Now that’s a gruesome way to die
The next three bolts flew through the air
And found their marks with deadly flare
Poor Serafin was black and blue
A healing word made her anew
The lady yelled “now go to sleep!”
A hidden dagger was plunged deep
And now the legend can begin
The bard and Lady Serafin
160822
This one goes to Eleven
Dungeons and Dragons is a game
No two adventures are the same
If demogorgon is your foe
The Dungeon Master’s not your bro
You try to cast a fireball
But rolling seven’s your downfall
When armed with rocks and wrist-bound slings
You may encounter Stranger Things
