Tag: Celebrities

170127

170127
Make America pay again and again

Mr. Jizztrumpty built a big wall
Mexico was to pay for it all
All of our imports would now face a tax
To place the price tag on American backs

We say goodbye to 44
We’d like to have at least four more
The good he did, he’d do again
As leaders go, he is a ten
But now it’s time for him to go
And when he’s gone, we’ll miss him so
We say this with the best intent
You’ll always be our president

170116

170116
Will we ever wake up?

I had a dream, but it’s over
Deceased like that dead dog Rover
The Jizztrumpet’s Russian affair
Will soon be our noxious nightmare

170113

170113
Next Friday is scarier than Jason

Friday night and I got money
So it’s date night with my honey
Head to Red Box then to take-out
Hoping that we get to make-out
But this Friday is a thirteen
And our nice night ended up mean
Movies and the food were sucky
So we didn’t get too lucky
While this evening seemed to be cursed
Next Friday will surely be worse

170111

170111
It’s time for him to go

The Jizztrumpet had a secret
And he thought he’d always keep it
To Russia he was beholden
‘Cause of showers that were golden
He will deny this tinkle tryst
While he’s on twitter getting pissed!

170109

170109
That would be a fun game night

I want to party with Kristen and Dax
They both know how to have fun and relax
After the awards, they pulled out Catan
They had wood for sheep and got their geek on

161230

161230
I resolve to resist the Jizztrumpet

2016 could not be worse
Like shitty drinks you’re forced to nurse
To start this list of things not good
The loss of stars from our childhood
And Jizztrumpet the next four years?
He’ll harbor hate and foster fears
To me the thing that tops this list
Is Jean’s cancer her doctor missed
I say this with the utmost class
This year has sucked a fat dog’s ass!

161228

161228
“We miss you” “I know”

There once was a princess named Carrie
Whom every boy wanted to marry
In moonlight angled
Her own bra strangled
‘Cause this year is our adversary

161226

161226
Sex is natural but so is death

Another star Death did abduct
2016 has fucking sucked
And now he got that dude from Wham!
But not Ridgeley – who’d give a damn?
George Michael’s gone, his fans are wrecks
No more “Faith” or “I Want Your Sex”
So rest in peace you sexy Greek
This year is done in one more week

161209

161209
X-mas will be blue this year

Why do I always cry?
Constant tear drops in my eye
I do fear lack of cheer
Will be commonplace this year

161207

161207
Godwin can suck it!

Hitler and Trump – though years apart
Hitler and Trump – the same at heart
Hitler and Trump – pledged to make great
Hitler and Trump – hotheads first-rate
Hitler and Trump – both like to blame
Hitler and Trump – have hair that’s lame
Hitler and Trump – hatred and fear
Hitler and Trump – men of the year

161128

161128
The bird made a turd

There once was a tweeter on Twitter
Whose tweets were both hateful and bitter
But folks liked his tweets
More than the elites
So now we’ll end up in the shitter

161109

161109
We will, but I don’t know how

As I watched last night, a feeling inside
Of eternal hope had suddenly died
I woke up this morn, like everyday
But not knowing how to make it okay
I write you this rhyme, while holding back tears
Determined to last through the next four years

161107

161107
Almost over

Tomorrow, it will be done
Tomorrow, we’ll see who won
If she wins, she’ll be the first
If he wins, he’ll be the worst

161102

161102
Preventing Trumpageddon

Though one week away
I’m voting today
I just got to say
The Jizztrumpet is a racist, sexist, misogynistic,
homophobic, xenophobic, islamaphobic, tiny fingered,
Cheeto-faced, ferret wearing shitgibbon who wants
you to pay his taxes for him so he can build a
wall that Mexico will not pay for and gain
access to the nuclear codes while he’s
grabbing a pussy with one hand and jerking
off Putin with the other
To prevent doomsday
Please do not delay
Go vote the right way

161031

161031
The first taste is free

From door to door all over town
It’s time for kids to shake us down
I shaved my head like Walter White
To give out crystal meth tonight

161021

161021
Save the day
Save the world

Jizztrumpet says she is nasty
His rude comments don’t get past me
Interrupting like a ding-dong
Always yelling that she’s “Wrong! Wrong!”
Sounding like a broken record
His whole campaign has been absurd
I hope women will remember
On the eighth day of November

161007

161007
The Ghastlytrump tinies

The work is done, the secret’s out
I’ll tell you what it’s all about
We all know Trump’s deplorable
But this book is adorable
The images and clever scripts
Predict a Trump apocalypse
Send them your cash or just donate
And love will triumph over hate

160930

160930
Stop the shaming

The Jizztrumpet says she is fat
He thinks there’s nothing wrong with that
The Jizztrumpet says she’s a pig
He thinks that she just got too big
The Jizztrumpet says she’s a slob
He thinks she cannot do her job
The Jizztrumpet degrades her face
He thinks her looks are a disgrace
Remember this when time to vote
Shove all these shames right down his throat!

160926

160926
I’m a master debater

It’s time to watch the first debate
NBC’s Holt will moderate
Clinton and Trump do not equate
Her plan is to perpetuate
Obama’s years that end at eight
While Jizztrumpet embraces hate
He thinks the US isn’t great
Brown people he’d incarcerate
Or even worse – forced emigrate
These views should make voters irate
But they will just self-medicate
And experts will prognosticate
While sycophants congratulate
Each presidential candidate
I hope tonight will motivate
Undecideds who chose to wait
To see these two deliberate
The stakes I cannot understate
There’s time to guard the whole world’s fate
Please register, it’s not too late

160921

160921
Skittles are tasty
Trump is tasteless

Trump spews hate through cryptic riddles
Humans are not bowls of skittles
While his children expel toxin
Onto kids driven like oxen
We should recognize this villain
Can’t be cured with penicillin
Voting is the only answer
To prevent this orange cancer

160912

160912
Deserving strong condemnation #SeemsFair

Putting racists in a basket
Makes them blow their hate-filled gasket
Deplorable fits them quite well
Those that like Trump should go to hell

160812

160812
He tells it like it jizz

The Jizztrumpet says he’s sarcastic
The lies that he spews are bombastic
A total disgrace
When he fails this race
His fans will take actions quite drastic

160803

160803
How proud they must be

The family who sacrificed is known as Khan
Their hero son was lost in war, we honor them
The family we know as Trump, their job is con
Their awful son shoots animals, ain’t he a gem?

160727

160727
Love trumps hate

Clinton is the first
She’s the nominee
And Trump is the worst
He’s a wannabe
The sound you’re hearing
Is of broken glass
If you’re still jeering
You can kiss my ass!

160722

160722
In a nutshell
We’ve gone to hell

The RNC
In CLE
Trump makes them fear
And they all cheer
He spews out hate
They think it’s great
I’m scared as shit
That Trump wins it

160720

160720
@Lesdoggg
‪#‎LoveForLeslieJ‬

I have love for Leslie Jones
She was made from funny bones
Fuck the haters and their hate
Leslie Jones is fucking great

160624

160624
‪#‎Brexit‬? how ’bout ‪#‎FuxItUp‬!

EU is a bloody mess
Like a Donald Trump U.S.
Merry England wants to leave
Chaos is all they achieve
Scotland voted to remain
And Gibraltar next to Spain
Ulster said it wants to stay
Now they may unite some day
UK’s money loses ground
Peso’s worth more than the pound
Misinformed and racist Brits
Put their county in the shits
Now the home of Mr. Bean
Can’t be saved by king or queen

160617

160617
Let’s make America brown again

I ate too much, my pants are tight
I know I have to take a dump
I’m pushing hard, with all my might
But all I made was Donald Trump

160608

160608
‪#‎ImWithHer‬

My hate for Trump is plain and pure
I felt the Bern, now I’m with her
Clinton’s platform I do prefer
I love women, so I’m with her
Trump is the worst, a wretched cur
Go build your wall, ’cause I’m with her
Of the two left, I do concur
She is the best, and I’m with her

160530

160530
I felt the Bern

Hens love roosters, geese love ganders
Liberals love Bernie Sanders
He’s fighting for the common man
Trump’s fighting for the Ku Klux Klan
While you work hard to pay your rent
Trump works hard for the one percent
Bernie wants free college for all
Trump says he’s building a free wall
They are white men with fluffy hair
But nowhere else do they compare