200921
The culchies can drink!
They’re open!
They’re really open!
We don’t need chips with pints
The pubs are open!
They’re open!
Thank Christ they’re open!
It’s time to have some craic
The pubs are open!
They’re open!
They’re feckin’ open!
Let’s all have one tonight
The pubs are open!
200918
Stay demented!
I listened to Dr. Demento
Recounting his latest memento
A “Weird Al” 8-track
He found in the back
Of a thrift store in Sacramento
200916
Bet they smell it in New Delhi
Watching Netflix on the telly
Linc is kneading on my belly
Brownie’s farts are awful smelly
Does my lifestyle make you jelly?
200911
His semen created more seamen
A seafarer from Ballintubber
Encountered a buxom land lubber
But his one night stand
Got way out of hand
His blubber had ruptured the rubber
200909
The big five three
Today I’m 53
Big whoop-de-fuckin-dee
Although this year is hell
You’ve made my birthday swell
While I take birthday spanks
I give you many thanks!
200907
Dear Micheál, show prudence
Dear Micheál, can’t we go out to play?
Dear Micheál, open pubs today
The Dutch can drink, the Greeks can too
And everyone in the EU
Dear Micheál, can’t we go out to play?
Dear Micheál, open up the pubs
Dear Micheál, don’t forget nightclubs
We want to drink and shake our hips
Why do I need to order chips?
Dear Micheál, won’t you open up the pubs?
Dear Micheál, let us drink and smile
Dear Micheál, we’ve been good a while
We’d like to buy some pints to drain
We want to drink and smile again
Dear Micheál, won’t you let us drink and smile?
Dear Micheál, can’t we go out to play?
Dear Micheál, open pubs today
The Dutch can drink, the Greeks can too
And everyone in the EU
Dear Micheál, can’t we go out to play?
200904
Thousand-of-kind
It’s time for your annual partay
I wish I could be at your soirée
To prove that I care
This rhyme that is rare
Is only for you on your birthday
200902
Yes he is!
Brownie is a good boy
So he gets his good toy
Wagging his tail with joy
Brownie is a good boy
200831
Wanna tap me?
Took a shower
For an hour
Had to scour
With my power
Now I’m neater
Than St. Peter
And I’m sweeter
By the liter
200828
She got her man
A Mountie that lived in Regina
Mail ordered a young groom from China
She thought she’d be nice
By cooking him rice
And serving it from her vagina
200826
Thick, arrogant prick
Hogan’s sorry he got caught
Is he sorry? Not a lot!
He still claims he did no wrong
That is why we say “SO LONG!”
200824
Color me bad
Do bronze prawns wear long johns?
A black yak might blow his stack
A blue gnu would be cuckoo
A pink mink would make you think
A teal seal would be unreal
A peach leech – you must impeach
200821
How many weeks was he minister? Fore!
An eejit named Dara Calleary
Went golfing in Galway – my deary
Our very strict rules
Are flaunted by fools
This government’s making us weary
200819
Ellen’s wet ass precipitation
Red, orange, yellow
Warnings all over the place
I hope Cork can float
200817
Proximity paralysis
I can call you on the phone
But I still feel all alone
We could maybe even zoom
But you’re not here in this room
We could have a meal to share
But you’re not here ’cause you’re there
But the thing I really fear
Is if you were really here
200814
Voting in 9 x 9 days!
The Senator Kamala Harris
With Biden – they will not embarrass
The US of A
Which as of today
Is laughed at in Seoul, Rome, and Paris
200812
Crazy about Kamala
Deck the polls I’m voting Biden
Ka-ma-la-la-la, Ka-ma-la-la
Goodbye Pence, and also bye Don
Ka-ma-la-la-la, Ka-ma-la-la
Harris will be a great VP
Ka-ma-la, Ka-ma-la, Ka-ma-la
Now for sure a blue wave we’ll see
Ka-ma-la-la-la, Ka-ma-la-la
200810
Sun is best!
Nothing beats a sunny day
Better than the wet and grey
Better than a March with hail
Better than a gusty gale
Better than an April rain
Better than a snowy plain
Better than a windy May
Better than a foggy bay
Better than a gloomy June
Better than the stars and moon
Better than a hot July
Better than a darkened sky
Don’t know what more I can say
Nothing beats a sunny day
200807
Chunder bringer of thunder!
Now Bingo has gone on hiatus
He’ll come back again as the greatest
Soon he’ll polymorph
Until then this dwarf
A druid named Chunder my latest
200805
He has a pointless point of view
There’s no place in the world for this angry old man
With his thousands of lies and his dumb TikTok ban
He abuses his post, this abuse his downfall
His legacy’s broke like that Mexico wall
And he’s proud as a peacock ’cause he’s a mob boss
And he struggles with facts his soul is a loss
And we’d liked to be rid of this angry old man
200803
The small woman
My tinkerer in Gloomhaven
Was a modest, moxie maven
She gave her coins to the Great Oak
And got some blessings to invoke
Her hardwork did unlock the Saw
And now retires with scant hoopla
She battled through a twelve game slog
I say goodbye to An Bhean Bheag
200731
A king’s scepter has a knob on the end
There once was a princess named Annie
Who married a king known as Manny
She ruled the demesne
The bedroom his reign
His scepter would dictate her fanny
200729
When the feeling’s gone and you can’t go on
Every tragedy
Begins as a love story
That ends with heartache
200727
Not all adventures need dice
A castle up the old north road
An eerie, sinister abode
A brave but sad elf was our host
He said his wife was now a ghost
We wondered why she took her life
What caused this human so much strife?
It seems our host would leave for years
She found a man to stem the tears
But when her husband reappeared
Her lover fled – the worst was feared
She had two loves, but neither one
Was there to love, so she had none
She tried to leave but when she died
Her spirit was forever tied
The host asked us to do our best
To put the lady’s soul to rest
So we asked him to tell his tale
He did and cried a mournful wail
His spectral wife then felt his love
No longer chained, she flew above
No weapon drawn, no spell was cast
But we had done what we were asked
200724
What if?
Ever ponder fate though?
What if I didn’t go?
What if she didn’t show?
What if I had no dough?
What if she had a beau?
I guess we’ll never know
200722
The last shall be first and the first last
Twelve years ago this week
I had the best first date
It wasn’t that unique
But man it turned out great
I don’t expect to meet
A clone of my soulmate
But it would sure be sweet
To have my last first date
200720
One halfling band
Every party needs a healer
And a solid damage dealer
Though most parties do not know it
They should always have a poet
If your fighter has gone AWOL
And your rogue can’t pick locks at all
If your caster takes a beating
While your cleric’s barely breathing
Leave it to the brave musician
To complete the crucial mission
200717
Shredded cheese fajita wife
There once was a Karen named Alice
Who ordered fajitas in Dallas
She just wanted cheese
She even said please
She’s been made a meme ’cause we’re callous
200715
They don’t fucking care
They don’t care if you die
For they need their nails done
They don’t care if you die
So you can’t take their gun
They don’t care if you die
They won’t reuse a bag
They don’t care if you die
But they’ll weep for a flag
They don’t care if you die
But they love them some cops
They don’t care if you die
But Jizztrumpet is tops
They don’t care if you die
So they won’t wear a mask
They don’t care if you die
They won’t do what you ask
They don’t care if you die
They don’t care if you die
They don’t care if you die
They don’t care if you die
200713
The more you know
Here’s a helpful tip
If you have work due at nine
Don’t drink before eight
