210212
Cara dún do bhéal
There once was a fighter named Gina
A warrior born like Athena
But her hateful gob
Cost her a cool job
I hope she’s replaced by fair Xena
210210
210210
All you have to do is call
Listen please to my explaining
There are times when I’m complaining
Far too often for your caring
Just remember that I’m sharing
This with you, and for you only
‘Cause right now I’m feeling lonely
And we’ve equally confided
‘Cause our friendship’s not one-sided
You’ve been good so I should mention
Thank you for your rapt attention
That’s enough of my own sorrow
Tell me all of yours tomorrow
210208
210208
It’s 8:01
There’s one thing that I really hate
It’s when something is really late
I will admit my nasty trait
Does not one bit make me look great
When not on time, I get irate
My mouth will froth, my hips gyrate
It puts me in a wretched state
So mad that I expectorate
I’ll get all tense and flatulate
And through the roof goes my heart rate
Where is my food? I cannot wait!
They said that they’d be here by eight!
210205
210205
Disco isn’t the only thing that sucks
There once was a dancer named Russell
Who knew how to tango and hustle
The ladies in town
Would always get down
And cha cha with his mambo muscle
210203
210203
Linc and Brownie speak ex cathedra
I sit upon my comfy seat
There is a cat between my feet
He’s sleeping now, it’s kind of sweet
Not screaming for more food to eat
And next to him is Brownie Bear
He covers me with his brown hair
I cannot move, I’m stuck – I swear
I think I need a bigger chair
210201
210201
None shall pass!
On the stairs, Linc sits and waits
To attack the things he hates
Sometimes it’s poor Brownie Bear
With each pass, he loses hair
Sometimes laces on my shoes
Feel the wrath of Linc’s abuse
Wiggled fingers near the rail
Move them quick, or he’ll impale
Ninja killer on the steps
He’ll shred up your quadriceps
If I go, he’ll cut me dead
I don’t need to go to bed…
210129
210127
210127
On the 33rd day of Xmas…
My Christmas tree still lights the room
I only see friends my friends on zoom
Until my friends can visit me
I’m leaving up the fucking tree!
210125
210125
Dumb dog devours desserts & does damp doo doo
I need to dream a little more
I need to snooze, I need to snore
But Brownie scratches at the door
He needs out and I know what for
That big, dumb dog – his tummy hurts
He runs outside, he squats and squirts
He kinda earned those shakes and spurts
He should not wolf down my desserts
210122
210122
Oh Henry! > Baby Ruth
There once was a Hank known as hammer
The pitchers that faced him would stammer
The number he wore
A big 44
An RBI and Home Run slammer
210120
210120
Frustration turns to jubilation
This is no exaggeration
Four years is a long duration
To endure annihilation
Of this once majestic nation
Now eager anticipation
For Biden’s inauguration
And the giddy expectation
Jizztrumpet’s incarceration
210118
210115
210115
Melodious membranophone
The bard with a golden kazoo
Plays melodies to help his crew
His weapon of choice
A vibrating voice
Which damages up the wazoo
210113
210113
How very curious
Monkeecat and Sweetie Pea
Having tea at their party
Cuddling a warm teapot
Comforting and not too hot
She sips on her tepid brew
Monkee sleeps ignoring you
These cool cats are on display
What a way to start my day
210111
210111
Legs 11 day
All the twos – twenty-two
Quack quack – two ducks – mark them blue
Six and nine – sixty-nine
A sixty-nine sure would be fine
Five and three – fifty-three
Three-in-a-row, that’s quite lucky
Three and four – thirty-four
I have the sweats, I need one more
Eight and one – eighty-one
I have a check – Yes, I have won!
210108
210108
What’s my opinion of Kingman’s performance?
To Dodger fans Tommy Lasorda
Was family – an uncle sorta
He wore number two
And always bled blue
With Vin, they’re the top of the order
210106
210106
Un bucking felievable
Jizztrumpet is an ass
The proud boys he did ask
Stand by – stand back – en masse
Then Capitol trespass
And Congress to harass
Not one of them has class
DC police now has
To shoot them with tear gas
210104
210104
Show me the Monet!
My LEGO art is on the wall
It’s George and Ringo, John and Paul
The Beatle dudes in LEGO dots
I love this art, I love it lots
210101
210101
She’s great with a prick
There once was a woman named Maxine
A pusher of dope in the smack scene
She was really fab
At giving a jab
So now she administers vaccine
201230
201228
201228
I thought the day would never come
This year needs a fucking conclusion
Impeached due to Russian collusion
Then masks that cause facial contusion
We’ve all suffered from forced seclusion
We can’t have a big celebration
But one thing will bring jubilation
And comfort to every nation…
Spontaneous ejaculation!!!
201225
201225
Happy bastard’s birthday
There was a new mother named Mary
But Joseph’s son she did not carry
When asked by her guy
She made up a lie
Though pregnant she still had her cherry
201223
201221
201221
It’s raining deer – Merry Christmas
This has been a shitty year
So to bring some festive cheer
Brownie, Linc and I have gear
Wearing antlers like reindeer
Do they look good? I can’t tell
My yoke has a little bell
Brownie’s antlers look real swell
Linc thinks I should go to hell
201218
201218
Hide the reindeer sausage
There once was a reindeer named Donner
To serve Santa Claus was his honor
He used his esteem
To hustle and scheme
A young elven lass and get on her
201216
201216
The dream before Xmas
‘Twas a week before Christmas, and all over town
All the talk about COVID was bringing me down
I wanted to snuggle and spoon in a bed
With a winsome woman who loves giving head
And what do my wondering eyes should appear
But a sweet Irish lass to bring me good cheer
She sat on my lap, and she rubbed on my dick
If she kept that friction, I knew I’d come quick
I needed her badly – to unload my sack
So onto the mattress, and there she lay back
I kissed down below – I kissed on her belly
Her perky tits heaved and jiggled like jelly
A wink of her eye, and a roll ’round the bed
She drained Santa’s sack, and then left me for dead
I was to bring gifts to some kids up the road
But here with this lass I had dropped my whole load
As I left the temptress who looked out of sight
“Happy Christmas to me, I’ve had such a good night!”
201214
201214
My jingle jangled
Letting myself go
Don’t care how much I weigh
Sweets and cookie dough
Gorging all the way
Hanging out with Linc
He is not too bright
I’ll sit back and quaff my drink
I’ve had enough tonight!
Brownie smells, Brownie smells
Brownie smells all day
He’s no fun to sit beside
His farts will make you pay
Brownie smells, Brownie smells
Brownie smells all day
He’s no fun to sit beside
His farts will make you pay
201211
201211
Is Chip on the chop?
The Bruins play ball at the Rose Bowl
And beating the Trojans is their goal
To lose is a sin
If Chip doesn’t win
His stocking will be filled with black coal
201209
201209
Make it stop
I’m going through a stage
Where all I do is rage
I go from being kind
To lost my fucking mind
I know I’ll do again
And maybe lose a friend
I wish that I could stop
Before I blow my top
I try and cannot chill
Instead roll down the hill
Into an awful place
A rampaging disgrace
201207
201207
All the twos – quack quack
Monday night bingo
The bane of my existence
Gets my through lockdown
201204
201204
Covid Claus
There once was a dude named Kris Kringle
Whose bags were so full they would jingle
Through front and back roads
He dropped many loads
He left behind gifts that would tingle